@ENKELI Yes i know sometimes it must be really hard for women like you. i have another good friend who because of mental illness never ended-up getting married, which greatly emplified her depressive illness for years accepting, especially the children bit.
It was only later, after i got to know her well, that i carefully pointed out that it was not all bad she no children. For that her depressive illness, which had to do with her menstrual cycle, and would often times have her suicidally depressed, sometimes for two weeks, (a week before and then during,) ever 28 days, turning her reality into a living hell, and proper child care would be impossible for her to achieve. (For i knew she often be so depressed that she would not eat, wash, or buy food for herself, or even come out of bed, at times for many days on end.)
And then she would have to feel the heavy guilt because she failed her loved ones. And how she now already struggled with much guilt, and self loathing, where she sadly failed her own expectations in life, so having children was bound to make this worse.
And i then i shared how much i had had caned with guilt, where i as a youth-worker was no able to take care of hurting people any more, and often times was also too ill to look after my own wife and children. And how this in the end, when down deepest for longest, paradoxically, struggling like that with guilt, it aided me secretly planning to end it, convincing myself it would be better for them that way. (If not for Jesus revelation of Himself to me within me, i would have almost certainly have done so.)
Thanking Jesus even now for coming in the nick of time, and getting me away from there. i have so very much more to be thankful for. (Not only a loving wife and 5 children, but also 18 grand children, 19 now, for our son 's new girlfriend has a (grand) son to add to our family. And so much more yet - new life IN and WITH Jesus, such has me praising and thanking God no matter how bad i'm feeling depressed.)
God is good!
(Oh before i forget our grand son did come around, it was great catching up, a lot of stories. Also, to y surprise they came today, two of our grand daughters came around for a few hours. So it turned out to be a real family gathering today.)
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