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Heartbroken and terrified

WattlebirdCasual Contributor11 Dec 2017, 1:51 pm AEDT

Heartbroken and terrified

A week ago my 21 year old gay aspy son was drugged and sexually used by an older man he met online. He is not terrified and in hospital in psychosis. He was a virgin and went online to chat with other inexperienced men about hobbies and gay marriage etc. I saw the chats after. I'm heartbroken. I'm terrified. He had finally got into university and started and now this. Any advice? I feel like our lives just became a nightmare and I don't know how I will keep him safe or even deal with his return home, medication etc. I'm 52 and thought finally my husband and I were heading towards some freedom. I'm tired overwhelmed and crying slot. I feel sick about what happened and in shock over the psychosis.

13 replies

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In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

WattlebirdCasual Contributor11 Dec 2017, 1:52 pm AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

That was meant to be he IS terrified

In response to: Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Dec 2017, 6:07 pm AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Hi @Wattlebird .....

I am so, so sorry to hear what has happened to your son. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare to raise your children to step out as young adults, and something like this happens to them without warning of any kind.

I don’t have experience, other than that of a mother, where mi issues have now impacted our family in an unforeseen way, taking down more than one of us, but I am hearing you, and crying for you ..... it’s so heartbreaking.

There are other parents who have posted here about their child suffering a sexual assault, and there are parents of aspie offspring. I hope someone who has walked these paths, particularly where it brought on psychosis, can speak up and help to support you.

The mods may also be able to offer contact info for specialised support services.

I am so glad you reached out to the forums for your own support @Wattlebird. It is important that you feel some connection, so you are not walking through this trauma alone .....

Sending cyber hugs your way .....

💜💐

F&H

In response to: Re: Heartbroken and terrified

dragonflygirlSenior Contributor12 Dec 2017, 12:28 pm AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Hi @Wattlebird... so sad to hear your story of your son's horrible experience. Just know of an organisation in Sydney called Survivors & Mates Support Network (SAMSN).

From the website it says this: is a not-for-profit organisation working to increase public awareness of the effects that childhood sexual abuse can have on men in their adult lives. SAMSN employs psychologists and social workers who have experience working with male survivors to facilitate support groups for men and their families and supporters.

The helpline which might be worth calling yourself if in or out of Sydney, they may have other contacts as well in other parts of the country. It is: 1800 4 SAMSN (72676)

Hope he can get the support he needs, and there is always great support here as well.

In response to: Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor12 Dec 2017, 12:39 pm AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Thanks @dragonflygirl ..... ❣️

@Wattlebird .... here is a link to one of our Carer social pages. You might not be up to it at the moment, but if at any time you want to just sit with us there and meet some other carers, you’re more than welcome.

We come from a variety of walks of life, and are challenged with a wide range of carer issues, but we have a sense of community here. We band together to help each other through.

Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

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In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

Sanatorium23Senior Contributor16 Dec 2017, 7:44 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

I’m so sorry for your son and your family. Maybe a silly question, but was this reported to the police?

In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

Unknown userMember30 Dec 2017, 11:40 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

@Wattlebird
Checking in to see how you are coping.

In response to: Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Dec 2017, 2:22 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Hi @Wattlebird .... just checking in with you too. How are you going Hon ?

In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

WattlebirdCasual Contributor10 Jan 2018, 12:00 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

Thankyou, we are doing OK. Huge learning curve. My son is responding well and home. Long way to go and we don't know the future. It's been a terribly hard time in so many ways and especially just so sad seeing him frightened and confused. I feel like now I can actually see his brain healing and he's growing as a person. But, he's very anxious and at asking that question "why me? "...wishing he could go back in time.
I feel calmer now. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. But it's difficult thinking about my own future when I still can't leave him alone as its only been a couple of days since he started being more "normal" in his thinking and he gets so sad and anxious.

In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Jan 2018, 12:06 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

I am glad things are ever so slowly improving for you.

It was clear to me that my husband wasn’t well, but it shocked me to my core to see my son go down as well ......

Keep strong and brave. We are here for you .....

In response to: Heartbroken and terrified

Unknown userMember10 Jan 2018, 9:14 am AEDT

Re: Heartbroken and terrified

@Wattlebird

It is early days, the healing process can be long and slow, grief will dominate and in time the ability to learn new skills so that one is stronger to be able to cope with what has happened will hopefully start to surface.

This will be different for each family member and when things were in crisis I found that as a carer I did put my needs aside as most of us do, necessary in the short-term but in the long-term this is not sustainable.

After my husband came home from hospital following an episode of psychotic depression and an attempt, I was petrified leaving him on his own and it was a gradual process for me to be able to do this.

Until you feel comfortable, is there a trusted friend who could stop by and watch a movie or do something with your son to enable you to go out have a breather?

Be gentle with yourself, these things cannot be hurried.

Darcy

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