Walking on the road to recovery ........ 🤔

Thank you so much for sharing @Sans911💜🤗 . In days gone by all mine would last for days. I think it’s only the last 12 months that they haven’t. I think I was scared it would return. I will try to plan a day out of the house tomorrow although the weather is lousy. I’m going to take sleeping meds and hope that tomorrow is better. I think this is maybe going to be the shape of things to come for a bit, until it is sorted. It is just pulling me in all ways.

😘 @Faith-and-Hope for being there too. I hope you can wind down tonight too.

Thanks @Sans911 🙏. I’m going to log off now but am really grateful and appreciative of your support tonight. And yes I’m logging off in a better state than when I came on 💜🤗😘

Me too .... 💕

@Teej @Sans911

me too @Teej , @Sans911

and hugs for you too @Faith-and-Hope xxx

Doing the overthinking thing of where to post and if to tag or not and even if I should post because I’m not sure of what I need from posting this or what the purpose is. :face_with_rolling_eyes:🤯🤨😳😳😳

so this week has has been a big one with a new diagnosis amongst other things. There were lots of first time things and some deeply internally conflicting and troubling realisations. I have gone through the huge spectrum of emotions and hit another really low point. Yesterday I rang the CAT team for the first time in probably 18months. My phone call to lifeline the night before was ok but just an in the moment thing.

In the past my relationship with CATs has been really rocky and often created more emotion and fear than anything. Yesterday’s call was full of understanding and the help I needed, even including meds. I came away from that call feeling validated and also understood. I’d been experiencing intense suicide ideation at night to the degree I was no longer feeling safe at night.

I think that maybe the biggest part I’m coming to understand is that I will always need support and be a level of burden. That is hard to come to terms with when it is what you hate and fear most. I struggle with so many easy tasks that others manage. My brain is always a contradiction. In some things I can think quickly and verbalise it, people see that as some intelligence. Other things I struggle so much with and people think I’m scatty and dumb. I can’t prioritise and this causes distress for me. Even when I do prioritise tasks I get so easily distracted and change everything so much. My brain has been allowed to roam free for all these decades doing unhelpful things. I finally understand why I feel like a different person everyday, it’s because I basically am.

The adhd meds are helping a bit and today was the first day of the full dose. Overcoming the rest is huge though. I know there is a long really hard path ahead.

Today has been better but I had two sons here helping me sort out the side of the house junk collection. It was so good to share the load and have the pressure off of me getting sidetracked (which I did) but still getting the job mostly completed.

Hugs to all reading this or a 👊🏻 to anyone not keen on a hug.

💜💐 @Teej ....

It sounds progressive, even if it doesn’t feel like it, and with all progressive things it will take time to settle into a new sense of rhythm. Just keep going .... and here to trek along with you .....