Surviving after caring

Hi @bonney78 well you have come to the right place. Here you will find a caring bunch of individuals with their own variety of stories who are giving and will make you feel welcome.

I love walking. Going for walks and watching the birds fly by I find very restful. Out in my very little garden and listening to nature whether it be my resident frog or the crickets at night is just wonderful. Have you thought about doing an art class to get to meet others with similar interests.

I am sorry you have been let down by family and friends ... personally I only have probably 5 people who I would trust with my life ... Dont let those family and friends who let you down dictate what you do with the rest of your life. At least you know where you stand with them and you can move on in that knowledge that you don't need them in your life.

Welcome to the forums. I hope my little input has helped a bit. xx

Hello @bonney78

Welcome to the forums, it is nice to meet you 🙂

Thank you for sharing some of your experiences, it sounds like you have been through a lot recently and finding it difficult to stay interested and with a lack of energy, although you have managed to continue doing some things to look after yourself, which is really positive.

There are some other threads that also talk about feeling a lack of motivation/energy, you might like to have a read about @Zam 's great thread called 'Motivation', there is also another great thread by @Sahara called 'Lack of motivation and caring'

I look forward to getting to know you better

Lunar

hello @bonney78

thank goodness that you have found us in this forum...

there are so many hurting people who have hearts of gold and beautiful souls on here...

I was touched by the way you worded your post...

for me I read in between the lines that you are a very gentle...loving...caring person who is totally worn out....

feeling let down by those who profess to be supportive following a certain lifestyle.....

@Bunniekins your response....just says it all...I love the part:

I am sorry you have been let down by family and friends ... personally I only have probably 5 people who I would trust with my life ... Dont let those family and friends who let you down dictate what you do with the rest of your life. At least you know where you stand with them and you can move on in that knowledge that you don't need them in your life.

this statement is also very helpful for me in my life at the moment....I sit on both sides....carer and lived experience....

have just experienced some family issues....enough said there...

I would also love to introduce you to the carer side...you have given so many many years of your life caring and supporting another....that does not stop because the situation has changed for whatever reason.....

I would like to introduce you to some people.community guides......as we are all on this forum dealing with our own issues...this introduction is not putting any pressure on anyone to give support .....just a hello...

@Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

you will meet others as you receive responses....

a huge hello ...

coming here is the start of a new beginning for you...

here you are accepted...supported and never judged...

take care

Hi @Former-Member Thanks for your feedback and kind words ... I truly believe that. That people who have let you down, judged you etc. were never your friends (including family here too) to begin with and are certainly not worth shedding precious tears over.

Thanks again mohill glad my words helped a bit. xx

Thank you. I am feeling so much better in the warmer weather, and keeping active in small bursts.

The family live many hours away in both directions so I don't get to see them except perhaps once a year if they choose. It's been unfortunate that I haven't been able to enjoy the grandchildren ever, and they are growing up not knowing me either.

I'll check out the threads you mention. Thanks again.

Many thanks for your time and effort posting a reply. I appreciated your comments and will follow up on the link you offer.

It seems there are folk who are aware, and simply those who are not and do not want to be aware of anyone else's concerns. Begun to realise that many church folk are just sleep walkers, and really not responsible for their actions. That's something only they can change.

I'll be looking forward to knowing some dear folk on this link, and thank them all for their support.

Welocne tot he forums @bonney78 ..... pleased to meet you.

Carers burn-out is a real thing. I have been walking along with my husband now for 8 years following a mid-life crisis, and he doesn’t know he is unwell .... his attempts at a massive and rapid “sea-change have tipped him over into an obscure form of eating disorder. He knows enough to hide the evidence of his most telling behaviours, but it is not sustainable and he is showing increasing signs of his illness .... unfortunately he may be doing irreparable damage by the time the truth finally surfaces.

I have reached the point where I would like to have left, pronbably, but we are still interlocked with adult children, and the eight years of secrecy and hidden chaos have 8mpacted in their mental health as well. Leaving now, when we have finally drawn the attention of specialists, over the welfare kidults mind you, would not be anybody’s best interests, except perhaps mine, but to such epdetriment otherwise that I just can’t do it.

So ..... it’s a continuation of our holding pattern while the specialists either work it out, or not, and so far I have felt entirely invalidated within the process .... my attempts to reveal the truth around my husband have caused some involved to question my motives, and perhaps my sensibility ....

What else can I do ?

This wasn’t intended to be about me ..... it’s a very long-winded way of saying “I hear you” and sometimes people only see what they want to see .....

Keep applying the self-care strategies that you would apply as a carer to the person you were caring for ..... high-priority self-care becomes the carer’s golden rule ..... even in retrospect .....

Glad you found us.

💕 F&H

Hello @bonney78 and welcome to the forum

Carers burn-out is a real thing, so glad you are here my friend , remember you are not alone

Hi Faith-

Thank you for your reply. Are you very far away from your previous location, so that your husband's previous friends, (and yours) are near enough to keep contact? He may be missing the earlier pattern of life, and the banter chaps have together, or old comofrts he wasn't aware of before?

As for the kidults, (curious description but accurate) they can surely look after themselves. Your coping can be tiring, especially the dodging around diffiuclties, and that can be corrosive. Perhaps spend more time for yourself, and with your husband, without the rest, and make it a regular pattern? It seems that youngsters are reared to expect so much from their parents for sooo long now, and of course their expectations can easily outgrow your capacities, financially and emotionally.

Hi Lunar, thanks for the comments and links. The energy levels change unexpectedly, but changing the selection of foods seems to slowly be taking some effect. That and the warmer weather!