Child Loss & MH

Thanks, @Faith-and-Hope, @outlander, @Appleblossom,

I was only away 3days, and sick through it all but survived. Nice to see you here. I think this thread needs udaring as not 'tagging' newcomers or letting me [ √ ] a post. Maybe @moderator can submit a report for us.

@Former-Member

It is wonderful that your new friend got into the spirit of remembering.

Glad your dad called even if he is muddled.

I will pray for your boy. It is a difficult one and no one way for him to grieve.

I had all these ideas of my family grieving together, but it was not to be.

I met a girl on the train who reminded me of my daughter, in looks and conversation style. I have a lot of grief there, but I enjoyed her.

Glad you are home safe and sound. Even though the question of home is still a bit uncertain.

Thanks for caring @Appleblossom, (yes! tagged you properly). You know my grief more than anyone here. So much 'living' loss as well as 'sudden' death in our families. And I kinda know what you mean "seeing someone in public who looks like your daughter, making you think of her, what she'dshe'd look like, be doing now...

oops, posted too soon, "post" tab really close to last line here...

Actually, having so much trouble using this thread at the moment,

- can't edit posts

- wont 'tag' ppl properlyproperly

@Former-Member, (see, I can't even 'tag' a moderator)

- won't 'like/support' posts

- couldn't post picture just now, kept jumping back to previous page...

@Former-Member, see

guess its an old one I resurfaced for grief aniversaries (so important to me),

Hi @Former-Member Its the wee hours and we are both online.

Waves and Hugz before I disappear to the land of sleep.

@Appleblossom, (don't)

Thank you so much for praying for my boy. It means a lot to me that you have 'faith' in Christ and know the depth of suffering the depth of understanding of my son's circumstances in losing his sister & his nuclear family as a result (emotionally). I don't know how to help him as i cant fully hide my sadness from him and even that bit 'pulls him down & forces him to 'distance from me' he says. I try but not ever good enough so all I have left also is to pray, but there is a spiritual barrier there and it hurts to even intercede. and I get so tired...

Anyway, thank you, it does worry me he feels "so alone in the world" since losing his sister (his words). And my estranged sister rejecting me has impacted him greatly as she Wad our 'go to' extended family and now he feels tawn because she's cut me out of her life 😞 Oh that angers me. He needs her, yet she won't acknowledge his mother, her own sister, even at Christmastime or birthdays, yet she's so active in the church, which i feel damages his faith more, she stops HER boys habing contact with me, and apart from my lifelong anxiety depression & x2 parasuicide breakdowns"

oo Hugz backatcha @AppleblossomAppleblossom

typing same time

trouble posting here

sleep tight

And I kinda know what you mean "seeing someone in public who looks like your daughter, making you think of her, what she'd look like, be doing now... I get that with many I've lost contact with. Its better if it makes you smile, but mixed feelings are hard.

My sister has caused me much grief in cutting me off, it hurts, and its her recent words with dads Guardianship Tribunal that really hit home that I've lost her, and accept now my dream of someday reconciling with her is unlikely to ever come in this lifetime. I don't understand how she sits so poised in her own arrogance and cruelty.

I hope its not all me who had damaged her that much. God knows my " breakdowns" were not a choice, not like what she's doing, and I NEVER set out to hurt her, or anyone, even when I want to, (not like the vindictiveness coming my way), I feel so misunderstood, Its just all a mess.

I know she misses my girl too, her neice, and doesn't feel I was 'there for her' or a good enough big sister... most her life (living interstate & all), but to concede defeat like this, give up, treat me as dead... ... I think that's a self deception, evil - silent killing ("whatsoever is thought in the heart") a giving up. It happens a lot in MH families I guess. Oh how we need a village.

I think she first did it with mum

@Former-Member Given what I know of your family's general stressors, you really do not need to blame yourself or your breakdowns for your sister's actions.

In my family it was not even me that had the breakdowns, but my sister was cold hard and rejecting. I would do anything to keep the family together after what we had suffered, and visit her at airports with my kids and forgive and forgive, but she swanned around like a queen. She could not take a positive word about my brother or sister or show any understanding. We were only there for her benefit, chauffeuring, holidays etc or we were cut off. I never saw it coming. If anything her behaviour was the last straw for me. I had hoped we would come closer.

Though I suffered with my brother and sister. There was no sense in which I thought it was an easy choice, or that they just had to try harder, as I knew they were trying VERY HARD.

I am sure you did your best.

ALL I can say LIFE is not a level playing field. It is not fair.

I feel for your son (having lost sibs early in life) and I feel for you. At the moment I have a similar dynamic going on underneath in my relationship with my son.

My son says I do not try.

I have just dropped him off to a group that he enjoys. I keep in the background, as he does not want to be seen dropped by his mother. It is the way it is.

Now I have to do a big cook up and go to rehearsal tonight.

Regardless I know I have many positive interactions that help improve life for me and others in tiny ways.

My FAITH is more a determined commitment to try and do what is right, rather than any belief that God, or someone will notice or that things will go right. I still pray and meditate, east and west styles. I try not to be foolishly optimistic, but something in me will not sink to apathy or willingly do wrong. But that is according to my lights. I have honestly tried to please a lot of people. Now I am old, I am lightening that load, and trying to grow my own true full sense of good living.

Sorry this is more about me than you, but trying to reach out in sisterly care.