Telling Others

Hi @Former-Member,

I have had mixed responses to telling people I have been diagnosed bipolar. Some people are surprised to learn this about me. Some people don't like to hear about any kind of illness at all, as though it's not the kind of thing that should really be discussed. In these cases, talking about my physical health problems seems to have been tiresome to them too. Some people seem to be put off by someone they know taking any kind of psych medication. Others are accepting. It's all different depending on the individual being given this information and probably hard to predict.

My current psychiatrist encourages me not to just 'blurt it all out' (which I have a tendency to do), but rather see it as my own business to be shared carefully with only those I trust and have a reason to share it with. Having said that, I prefer to spend time with people who know this about me and have accepted it as a part of who I am. It depends on the degree of intimacy in the relationship for me. Closest friends I tell. Those who are more acquaintances or people I see only occasionally I might be less inclined to reveal this information. It's a highly personal decision. Good luck with it. 🙂

Hello @Former-Member,

Thank you for posting here about something im sure many people would struggle doing! It seems that @Mazarita has some insight of what it is like to talk to people about bipolar. Different reaction may come from different understandings around it.

@Rosie has posted here about some techniques to help YOU tell other people about your experiences.

Also, I am wondering if @Pixie or @JT has any experiences in telling other people?

I think this is a great question.

@Mazarita's response is very wise.

I try to deal in the terms that her psychiatrist has suggested ... but often find that I am backed into a social corner at times and still blurt things out ... still working on it .. but mostly the cat is out of the bag for me ... a woman tried to get me edgy in my last catholic choir .. through good intentions that we should "let it all hang out" .. and that my story needed to be in the public domain. but more came out than any one wanted ... I am not there anymore and so sadly pushed out again ...

I am not properly diagnosed or medicated for the degree of discomfort I experience... I am trying to remedy that ... but quite a few aspects of my life story are very challenging for most people to even "hear" let alone understand.

@Appleblossom I only really accepted my bipolar diagnosis because I was backed into a corner. I was so dysfunctional and getting very close to being unable to pay rent because of it. But I've had some help from all of the mental health workers I've seen, except a few I saw only briefly. Treatment has never been perfect but I can still appreciate that these people have helped me get through my life. I read in another thread you had some bad experiences in the past, which I can understand feeds reluctance to seek new treatment. I have a friend who I sometimes think might suffer less if she sought some mental health treatment but she prefers to go it alone and I respect that too.

Financial realities can be a frequent stumbling block .. but not the only consequence .. of MI .. when I was young everybody seemed very poor .. now everybody seems so well off .. I cant believe it ... for many overseas trips every year at least ... its another reason why I decided to hang out on these forums .. being poor can keep us honest.

i am now in relative financial security but still stuggle with massive SI .. often think I could leave material comfort behind for son .. but an awful legacy so i keep trying to deal with "life".

Hi @Former-Member, I’m just wondering how you’re feeling a few days after telling your friend. I imagine it wasn’t an easy conversation to start. Is it easier knowing that things are out in the open? Or is she still a bit freaked out?

@Appleblossom and @Mazarita, it sounds like there can be good and bad reactions when telling people you have bipolar. Have you discovered any techniques which help with knowing when to disclose, how much to share and who you want to tell?

@Former-Member I'm still working out who, how and when to tell, even after several years with the bipolar diagnosis. It is probably an ongoing journey. There's no easy way of predicting people's responses. Sometimes I have just found myself blurting it out and then possibly regretting it later. I try not to be too hard on myself if I've done this and just accept that it's 'out' now. It can then be further talked about or not as feels best in the circumstances. Hope this helps.

Hi @Loulathecat

I’m so sorry to hear that it’s made things harder with your friend. I’m sure that if she encouraged you to seek help then she will be grateful that you’ve told her. Sometimes people don’t know how to respond to things they’re unfamiliar with. She may not have heard of the different medications and may not realise how important medication can be in managing bipolar.

I know it can sometimes seem easier not to see people if we’re worried things will be awkward, but from what you’ve said she seems like a good friend and someone who would want to have the opportunity to show support when things aren’t going well for you.

I think a similar topic has come up on the Forums in the past about disclosing mental health information, mainly in the workplace but I think the concerns are similar. @Crazy_Bug_Lady, @Former-Member, @DefiantPanda, @Tess, @Phoenix82 feel free to share your thoughts on telling friends about a mental illness?

Hi @Former-Member!

I suffer from Schizoaffective disorder and I’ve had pretty mixed responses telling people about it.

With about 30% of my friends, their response was along the lines of ‘I figured something along those lines, how are you going now?’ (Generally my closest friends responded this way). The next 30% were along the lines of ‘That makes sense, how horrible, can we talk about something else now?’. And the last 30% reacted pretty badly. I was treated as a permanently broken, lazy, damaged and dangerous individual who would never achieve anything their life. I generally haven’t spoke to these people ever again. This group unfortunately includes family members.

Yes, that only makes 90%.... the other 10% is about the medical profession and work colleagues/bosses. At the moment all I can think of to say about these two consists of swear words, so it’s probably best to move on.

I think you need to remember that most people are very uncomfortable about mental illness and you need to ease them into it and make it okay for them to think about and talk about it. I still find it incredibly difficult to even talk to my doctor about most of it, let alone friends, so I know I needed to ease myself into being able to talk about it and being okay with it too.

Take it slowly and gauge their reaction each time. It’s really important to have people you can talk to this about and who will be supportive when you need it. You’ll probably be surprised with who ends up being the most supportive. People who are fun to be around with similar interests are not necessarily the people who can listen and support during illness. For the majority of people who notice my absences or avoidance of social interaction, I just tell them I have a mental illness and was in hospital and I have periods of being unwell. That’s as far as it goes unless they specifically ask me about it. Only if they take things well do I disclose anything more. Even friends who are medical professionals are pretty uncomfortable about it, to be honest.

The good thing is that people can then understand why you disappear for months on end and (in my case) never pick up your phone. And they understand that sometimes you’re not being boring or lazy if you don’t go out, you just don’t feel well enough.

I have quite a few friends, who are pretty uncomfortable about mental illness, but they now understand why I disappear but they are ready to hang out and have fun when I’m around and well again.

@Former-Member, if your friend encouraged you to seek help, I’m pretty sure she cares. But don’t feel ashamed to be around her, hell! Don’t be ashamed to be around any one. Having a mental illness doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad friend; it just makes you ill sometimes. She may never be okay talking about mental illness in depth, or she may just take some time. But be gentle with both yourself and her.