@Daisydreamer
and
Other visitors to the "Worry Room......." thread
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A long detailed post of ~1600 words
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It seems, to me, that there is conflict between the title of this thread and peoples' expectations of activity, in terms of posts and responses, both in the thread and on the forum site.
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In real life, a "Worry Room" might be a physical location, where we may go to avoid contact with and isolate ourselves from others. Importantly, its use is also to isolate others from ourselves, in part, with the intention of protecting others from expressions of how we may be feeling at such a time. Sometimes, we would expect the expression of our feelings, that we may take to such a “worry room”, may be difficult for us to retain and for others to experience, if imposed on them. We endeavour to use such isolation to allow us to consider our own concerns, fears, distress, anguish and uncertainties, without imposing those same emotional and psychological concerns and burdens on other people, who are otherwise, outside the “worry room”. It would also be a place to give ourselves time-out from the pressure of interacting with other people while contemplating our position, meditating, or simply recovering composure, in the physical "worry room".
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Despite the cartoon, at the beginning of the thread, depicting characters watching as Donald's Uncle Scrooge paces round the “worry room”, it would normally be considered impolite to observe anyone so closely, while contemplating, meditating or recovering in such a place.
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It is my consideration that there is unlikely to be a place, on an open forum, for such activity to exist, without imposing that activity on others, which is not consistent with the purpose of a "worry room". This is an open forum, when it is all said and done. A place where we can engage with each other, by posting both joys and concerns about our own positions and share the joy and pain of our thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. The very essence of the meaning for the existence of such a forum site.
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I believe, that there is exibited a considerable degree of inconsistency, for a member to post, on an open forum, in a way that elicits the sensitivity, concern and interest of others, and then expect no one else to respond. The very fact that people present their ideas on an open forum, in any thread, with an expectation that no-one else should respond, seems to me to be a contradictory expectation. Responding to a post in a caring or, what may, in any other way, be considered appropriate, to attempt to alleviate and share our own concerns and the concerns of others and to nurture, reassure, and support each other, to my way of thinking and understanding, is the very purpose of this site.
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All our posts and responses, are not only between the correspondents, but are also for the purpose of information and support for the benefit of others, many of whom may read the various threads, but may not be identified by acknowledgement through "support" or by including themselves, directly, in the conversation.
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In all other respects, privacy in any thread on the forum is a courtesy. I have felt that some interactions, in which I have engaged, may have imposed on other people's enjoyment of the forum, and for that reason, at the time, or subsequently, I have changed the discussion to a lesser used thread, for a degree of “privacy” and courtesy, both for the people on the original, more socially or personally oriented threads, and that of the person with whom I have been corresponding.
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Should we expect no response to the expression of our thoughts and feelings, then I would think that it is more appropriate to use a personal journal, or diary, to record our private thoughts and feelings, to which we may wish for, or desire no response, be they negative or positive, in order that those issues be not imposed on a wider range of people. That would be a process, I believe, that would be consistent with the reason for and function of a "worry room". Should we feel that we would like someone else to hear about the negative, difficult, even devastating thoughts and feelings we may experience, but in which we may wish to limit the exposure of others, there are other services, such as the large range of support phone lines and chat services, that would undoubtedly, be a more appropriate resource, where a caring ear is offered and available.
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Indeed, there seems to have been established, right from the earliest posts on this thread, a history of people, some of whom may, or may not, expect “no response” to be given to their own posts, offering responses to the posts of other people.
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To present our own negative feelings, on this or any other similar open forum, the purpose for which is to engage with and support one another, and then expect no response, to my way of thinking, is contradictory and counterproductive. It seems to me also, that, to some degree, it shows a lack of concern and respect, for and about the feelings of other people on the thread and forum. It would, I believe, be much the same as going to a physical "worry room" and, at some time, shouting our concerns out the window, with the defence for such an action being, that we are still in the "worry room" and, as a result of our self designated "boundary", no-one should take any notice or respond. It also would appear to me to be dismissive of, and disrespectful of the right of others, to freely and appropriately express themselves on an open forum. We have to, to my way of thinking, be aware and concerned, that our own establishment of boundaries does not, within reason, have an adverse effect on the rights of other people. If we want to withdraw from interaction with others, I believe, in doing so, that we should not reduce the legitimate rights of others.
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In fact, the writer of a post on the forum, adhering to the thread title
"Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please"
would, presumably, be expected to walk away, and not be concerned about any other responses that may be offered. It is not personal. If any other responses are offered, with or without a forum address, it is equally legitimate for such responses to be offered.
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Any writer of a post, is obviously, also free to not read any responses that are offered. And since anonymity exists on the forum, there can be no accusation of any response being considered personal in nature. Any response, despite the many personal and supportive posts, between people who have come to know and care for each other, as members of the forum, is really situational, and not personal. Such responses relate to the content of a post and are not about the person. Though care should always be taken to be polite and courteous, possibly with an injection of humour, and or other appropriate written forms of expression and address. Consequently, while members may take responses to be personal, they are not, unless the unlikely, or deliberately managed situation exists, where any two or more people know each other within, and also, outside the forum. Consequently, any response, conforming to the "guidelines and info", should be considered acceptable and not be considered inappropriate, or out of order.
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I believe, that as members of this forum, we have given implicit right for each of the other members to write their own posts, receive our responses and also to respond to our posts, not only for our benefit, but also for the benefit of others who may visit any thread on the forum. Consequently, I do not believe that there is any appropriate boundary, expressed or implied, that the title of the thread should impose on members responding, in an appropriate way, to any posts in the thread. If any boundary should be imposed, it should be on the writer, to walk away once they have written their post. The obligation is theirs and should not be reversed, in an attempt to diminish the rights of any other member and impose the will of the writer, on others who may wish to respond in an appropriate manner.
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However, if someone specifically states, in their post, that they do not wish to receive any responses {however unlikely such a request might be}, then it would certainly, to my way of thinking, be discourteous to post a response in any but the more concerning of situations and circumstances.
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I have unsubscribed to this thread because, if people wish “no response” to be offered, there is really no point in visiting the thread. In addition, I have no wish to read posts to which I can offer no engagement in reciprocal nurture, reassurance, support, assistance or discussion. Neither, presumably, would the person posting such a comment, wish the content of that post to be read from this thread and, inadvertently, discussed in any other thread, unless opened for discussion by that person. However, those reasons, I believe, in no way, diminish the substance of the points that I have endeavoured to present, regarding any so called, "worry room" thread.
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These thoughts are offered by me as a contribution to the discussion.
Sincerely
@HenryX
Latest Edit: Some additions made for development of discussion and clarity since first posted. ~6.00pm AWST 19 Sept. 21