Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Men are from a completely different planet!! --- they are @BlueBay my friend xx

what`s happening

I am under such emotional distress due to my daughter's attitude and reluctance to help herself. She takes advantage of our love and goodwill at home and this hurts so much. I have to call out her bad behaviour towards us and herself whilst remaining the calm one always - and the stress of this ongoing everyday is taking its toll on me. Will I endure?

She trashes her room and everywhere through the house she goes and refuses to clean it. I have to constantly say something to get her to even pick up her rubbish she tosses on the floor. Her clothes are everywhere. After years of telling her to hang them up I have bagged them up and said she has to Wednesday to sort them out or I am putting them all in the garage. She does nothing for herself and expects and demands me to do it all. A ten year old is tidier and she is 21 soon.

This has been going on for years. One reason that she is deteriorating mentally is because she exercises no self discipline and is lazy. I feel I am enabling this behaviour. My fault for doing everything for her in the past thinking I was helping her. Wrong. I spoiled her. Now I have to stop. She needs to move out and start to stand on her own two feet to learn. If I keep doing everything for her she will never learn or appreciate anything in life as it will be too easy for her. I know this. I have suggested she move out but she does not want to. If I push the issue she threatens suicide. Emotional abuse I feel. She has it too good at home to leave and at times she is so abusive towards us.

I have to eventually push her out, tough love, and this knowledge is killing me inside. The grief is ravaging me and I feel like I am dying inside. But this situation cannot go on. My husbands health will not hold up to it, I just hope I can, the stress/grief is taking its physical toll. Why couldn't I have that happy loving family that I wanted so, needed so, nurtured so. Why does it come so easy to some but I had to lose all my children? I made mistakes but I loved them and self sacrificed for them . I loved her so - why wasn't it enough. Why doesn't she want better - she makes it hard when it does not have to be this hard. She does not appreciate what she has with us and keeps going back to the people whom only hurt her. If not for the love of my husband....

Ohhh my friend @BlueBay xx'

you are not bothering me my wonderful friend xx

I want you to talk to me whenever and I know I can talk to you

My Hubby thinks it is all about him

so is there something you can do to take your mind off while he is like this

thinking of you always

Dearest @utopia

Im on holidays at the moment, I thought of you when taking my husband to the shops and thought of you coming for a cuppa tea with me.

We dont need to talk.

Friendship can be in silence sometimes. We can just sit and be friends. Mt dear @utopia.

PP

Dear @Former-Member

We are here for you. I always think that you need @Faith-And-Hope clear advice here or @Appleblossom but please let me have a go.....

You need to have an appiontment with the Gp with her in there with you. You need to tell her that not just your daily wellbeing is going down hill but so is your husbands.

Now, I know how difficult this is: Whenever I see my Psychotherapist that I need a break, my husband wholeheartedly agrees when we are in there and when he gets out, 5 minutes later, he forgets everything.

Another idea is to get another service in like Arafmi. She may need to be told that she HAS to move out that this behaviour is manlpulative and distressing. I know of other nothers who have daughters similar to you and she cannot find support and at the end.......the mothers get them out and then can't see their daughters for a long time.

Im so sorry that this is happening. She is your blood but her Mental ill health is not your fault.

PP ....here is a cup of tea for you...

@Former-Member .... I know it's not the answer to everything, but my kids are soooo messy, despite my best efforts .... except D2 who has an intellectual and physical disability .... she's my tidy one ! The others have an oppositional streak.

WH has been really messy, but he is trying to work on himself with that now .... its not easy cos his mum did everything for him growing up, and he never developed tidiness habits .... but one of his brothers is rigid about tidiness .....

Just wanting to share that with you so you don't go blaming yourself. @BlueBay is right .... that much goes with the age. It's just not a priority for them, until like WH they get sick of losing things, and accidentally breaking things in the mess.

My way of dealing with it was cheap plastic laundry baskets. I would, and still do, load all their junk into a basket to clear the main communal living areas of the house, and dump the laundry basket into their room. And I only wash what is brought to the laundry wash baskets .... I don't chase them up over dirty clothes. They get to the point where they will bring a wash load to the laundry to put through for themselves when they have run out of things to wear ....

Its a system .... it works .... not my ideal, but I make it not my problem either.

Try to ignore the attitude. She is lashing out and trying to upset you because she is upset inside. If you can keep as calm an exterior as you can, and like a naughty child just straighten up the main living areas, consigning her stuff to "tidy up baskets" you might succeed in limiting this part of her behaviour.

❤️ I know it's hard .... keep swimming .... we're with you .... 🐠🐠🐠