Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

I feel like a faulty human, its a shame i cant just return or exchange myself

Troubled about my younger sister, she was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Sad and troubled that I am not close to her as I do desire to be. Makes me feel sad. Troubled that maybe I should tell her about all the research I have done on it. I do not have voice in my extended family. Troubled about my older sister. Also feel sad for her. And I know she would not want me to. Sad and troubled that my nieces cat is missing. I also love this little kitty. Sad for my niece. Troubled and occasionally fearful about my own health despite everything I am doing to help my own body heal. Troubled that I am wasting my life. Troubled and a lot of sadness regarding my marriage. Sad that I did not take better care of a dog I once had. I was not in a good place. Troubled about my son. Troubled and sad about a friend of mine. Disappointed that I am now overweight again. And I put in so much effort before. Huge discouragement there.

So troubled about things.... Not knowing what to do or say to my younger sister. About that thing that is happening in China and other parts of the world. And I think here in Australia as well. About my health. About how life just does not feel real. It feels like people are acting or pretending. Sad and troubled that my extended family just do not seem to like me. I feel like a boring person to be with. No one really wants to listen or get to know me. Troubled that I don't even know who I am. Confusion. A sense of disconnectness from others. Feeling like I am wasting my life. Troubled that I might be making things worse in my body. I am struggling with the emotional eating of chocolate. And I am troubled about that. I am troubled and sad that I just do not feel close to my mum and dad. Emotionally close. But I have a desire to be. Huge tears and grief. Just feel real heavy yet having feelings of being far away.

Hope it's OK to keep pouring out here. I unable to write any where else. As I don't think I could respond to others properly. It troubled me yesterday and made me sad. That when I hugged my dad, I just felt like I wanted something else. I wanted his hug to make me feel safe. Safe from everything that I was feeling. Safe from all these troubles in this world

I do not think he is comfortable hugging me. I cannot be sure. I just got to run to my heavenly Father, and feel His comforting arms around me. He says He will never leave or forsake me. Cover me Father God. I cannot do this life anymore. When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher then I.

My head is about to explode. My brain is going too fast and there are too many thoughts. I want them to leave me, to stop hearing the voices telling me to do something about it, to stop my brain from functioning altogether.

Similarly, I am troubled with too many competing thoughts at the moment, and have been for a while, in this current struggle with a crash after a trip overseas. I'm diagnosed bipolar, but I am in a vague way hearing voices. I think they are all mine, but there's often two, three, even more, sometimes in conflict, sometimes just confusing each other (meaning confusing me).

Struggling with what I believe is one part of it, I think, especially about morality. It shocks me how down I am on myself sometimes, even often, the nastiness I sometimes find in that voice, that is my own. And even though I know it's not anything like the truth, yet I am unable to stop that thought in that moment. Then that moment is long enough for me to be hit with an emotional tremor from the negative thoughts, that make me feel pretty awful.

There are much happier moments in my life too as I'm trying to walk out of this crash, and some degree of slow progress out of a space where I've often either been asleep almost all day and night, or sat in a chair a lot on my mobile phone (an improvement because by chance I have been drawn into learning Spanish on a fantastic app). A few things helping.

Maybe I've talked my way out of my worry for now. At the moment though, things seem to change in me in a flash.

I am also worried about the pretty intense dizzy spells I am having, and am feeling fear of death.

Still feeling troubled about my younger sister. Though did have a nice chat via texting this morning. So that was encouraging. Troubled that I still have not shared about the research I have done. My brain is just muddled up, information seems to be scattered all over the place. With no order. A little bit of happy in my marriage yesterday so thankful for that

I have SH and too afraid to tell the nurse