Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

I get overwhelmed this time of year.

The traffic gets far too hectic (& congested).

People seem so worn-out & stressed (yes I am)

People wear me out, with their demands & excessive expectations (especially work).

There are too many emotional triggers, over this period.

The constant noise (my neighbours) & loud parties around me (my neighbour is partying right now) - just leaves me feeling more alone & isolated.

Because I'm not a part of any of those celebrations, & I have no celebrations of my own - unless I go to a council community Christmas lunch (which I will).

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I wish I didn't care so much about other people. What they think of me, what they say about me, what they don't say about me. I wish I didn't care about stuff. Stupid stuff that I don't use but keep anyway. Stuff I can't find space for in my tiny home. But I care too much to throw away. I wish I didn't care about my pets that don't seem to show that much care about me. I got two of the most aloof, non cuddly cats that have no real need for me. I wish I didn't care enough about living this current useless life. I wish I cared enough about me. And I wonder if I ever will.

I'm terrified of changing meds. Last time I changed I almost didn't survive. Current meds aren't working, but I'm delaying changing out of fear. I hope I can find the strength - I have the plan and new meds, just need to do it.

Im so embarrassed. Our power company come to disconnect our power, what made it worse was that i had a few family members sitting right there. All because of one late payment and not ringing them to make a new payment plan even though weve still been paying😪😪

Now not only do i need to deal with my own emotions i have to worry more about pop. I cant react to how im really feeling because it makes things even worse for him.

I cannot communicate effectively via text (typing) - I have dyslexia, which becomes worse when distressed.

Plus dissociation is worse when distressed, or overwhelmed.

Which makes it so hard to think clearly or type thoughts or responses.

So when I most need the forums for connection & mutual understanding - I cannot use it, because I cannot type or express myself...

I feel insignigicant (tiny & invisible) when I see people writing pages & pages every day.

Verbal is best & clearest for my communication - yet there is little available to me.

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I've felt totally overwhelmed, highly anxious & dissociated (blank & numb) for the past few days.

Too many big triggers -

- neighbour throwing piles of branches over fence, into my back yard - then screaming at me over the fence (that she has every right to do it).

- work car incident, stress & blame.

I just cannot put it all out of my mind - or relax & do helpful things.

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