Unknown userMember
Suicidal ideation
Hello,
I would like to share my experiences and point of view regarding a subject that is always dealt with very delicately and often not discussed.
A friend told me yesterday about having suicidal thoughts. I know I’ve done all I can to help him, but I’m still worried and it has brought back my own raw wounds of suicidal ideation. It’s been over a month now that the day has passed that I had set. The sorting & throwing frenzy I went through beforehand shows me every day, that I was trying to make it easier for the people I would have left behind. I had given myself one more month to make changes and find solutions. My psychiatrist talked me into 6 month.
Much has changed since. I have spoken to my closest about suicide. I have seen many tears, have been sworn at and wrote their key messages in my suicide prevention plan. It was one exhausting conversation after another but I have learnt that I had a major thinking error.
Since talking about the subject honestly and seriously I feel very raw and extremely vulnerable. I think for me admitting I was so sick of myself and lost all worth and hope, took me to my lowest.
I haven’t recovered from the numbness that followed and the absolute loss of all options. I had gone through all my options and decided on a final choice, but now I still sit here and don’t know how to continue.
I’ve gone back to basics and just live by the day or the hour and hope that sense will return.
To anyone out here who is thinking about the last option, ask for help. I think each and everyone of us is worth it to ask for help and give it a few last considerations and conversations. From my experience I can only share that i received support from online resources like suicide call back and my care team was great. I was terrified to be admitted to hospital and was offered the option many times, but I was always safe enough not to be scheduled. That was my biggest fear, that someone would take away my choice, but all I received was support. Don’t be afraid to take the step.
I would like to share my experiences and point of view regarding a subject that is always dealt with very delicately and often not discussed.
A friend told me yesterday about having suicidal thoughts. I know I’ve done all I can to help him, but I’m still worried and it has brought back my own raw wounds of suicidal ideation. It’s been over a month now that the day has passed that I had set. The sorting & throwing frenzy I went through beforehand shows me every day, that I was trying to make it easier for the people I would have left behind. I had given myself one more month to make changes and find solutions. My psychiatrist talked me into 6 month.
Much has changed since. I have spoken to my closest about suicide. I have seen many tears, have been sworn at and wrote their key messages in my suicide prevention plan. It was one exhausting conversation after another but I have learnt that I had a major thinking error.
Since talking about the subject honestly and seriously I feel very raw and extremely vulnerable. I think for me admitting I was so sick of myself and lost all worth and hope, took me to my lowest.
I haven’t recovered from the numbness that followed and the absolute loss of all options. I had gone through all my options and decided on a final choice, but now I still sit here and don’t know how to continue.
I’ve gone back to basics and just live by the day or the hour and hope that sense will return.
To anyone out here who is thinking about the last option, ask for help. I think each and everyone of us is worth it to ask for help and give it a few last considerations and conversations. From my experience I can only share that i received support from online resources like suicide call back and my care team was great. I was terrified to be admitted to hospital and was offered the option many times, but I was always safe enough not to be scheduled. That was my biggest fear, that someone would take away my choice, but all I received was support. Don’t be afraid to take the step.
