The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

PS @Sans911 I’ve imploded since the at things I didn’t write about. I was trying so hard to be positive.

@Sans911 I know you may have fallen asleep but I’m worried I hit a nerve too. I hope you are ok. It’s ok for me to worry about you.

Hi @Sans911

Reading along quietly and feeling with you. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you share about the rollercoaster that things are sometimes. That fight that you mentioned is exhausting and it's really hard.

I'm dropping off this here this morning.

A bucket of love. I read many of your posts and don't reply as much as I want to for lots of reasons. Always there is that ⬆️ though. You fight hard Sans and your strength shines even when it probably feels very faded.

@Teej I had everything crossed that OK would stay and the wind wouldn't change last night, but I realised it may. The process you've been through and the outcome (or lack of) you have now, would be seriously testing for more people than not I think.

I get how it can feel like you've failed therapy. I'm with Sans in thinking that maybe it's that you haven't found the right fit though. Maybe it hasn't been the right time or the right person at the right time too. There are so many factors at play in it all and for me it seems things can work, then they don't, then they really do, then they really don't, but then something else will and then it won't... and it keeps going. It can feel hopeless and pointless, but maybe it also reminds me that it's so unpredictable that who knows whether it may help but maybe it's worth trying. In a week and a bit I start sand tray therapy. I'm thinking my sciencey psych would roll eyes at the idea of playing with figurines in a sand box, but I am going to try. That's all we can do sometimes.

Sending big hugs to you all for the tricky times. Keep on keeping on ❤

Morning @outlander

@CheerBear

@Teej

@Zoe7

@Faith-and-Hope

@Appleblossom

and anything else passing through

Thanks @CheerBear, @Sans911, @outlander

yesterday I was asked to detail why I hadn’t been successful at other therapies. I was so stumped and struggled to think of why on the spot. I was also pretty wound as she’d just told me that the odds were stacked against us doing this therapy together. I murmured something about having very nurturing therapists before and got lost in my thoughts. She suggested that maybe that nurturing was making me not want to get better. At a complete loss and mentally spent I agreed that was the reason. It’s the second time I’ve tried to say I don’t know and been pushed for an answer and then gone with her suggestion because I couldn’t think. Both times it’s been way off the mark.

Yesterday afternoon I spoke to my therapist (by phone) about the appointment. My biggest issue I have at the moment is not being able to trust myself. I can’t trust my gut because it’s been wrong too many times and when I do try to someone often fills in the gaps and make assumptions that tells me I’m wrong and then I’m left feeling overwhelmed and totally insecure. You are both right. There are lots of reasons as to why I’ve failed therapy (ps my therapist was pretty annoyed because she says you can’t fail therapy). There are lots of reasons and the one that she said isn’t true unless it’s a very subconscious thing. I don’t need to fail therapy to keep my therapist. It would make us both pretty happy if I was doing better. My therapist has promised to be here for me until I tell her I don’t need her, even if that is 10 or more years. There are lots of reasons why I’m stuck in the therapy I’m doing with her. Yesterday was another honest talk about that. It is devastating for me to talk to her about it. It’s not her and it’s not all me. It’s complex but at least it’s out in the open. At this stage I know I need something different in a different therapeutic relationship but with my guardian angel as my support person. The other thing is that if I detail all the honest reasons as to why I’ve failed therapy there is a huge chance it will go against me.

My therapist has offered to be my support person through this therapy and keep in contact with the psychologist so she is supporting me in a helpful way. The person who knows me better than me is her. One of the conditions is to cut contact with her completely. I feel so caught between a rock and a hard place. The other conditions are all huge and possibly beyond what I’m capable of. There is not other choice. I don’t have options apart from my therapist as I have no money to pay for any therapy. This is all free through cmh. There are no second options.

@Faith-and-Hope

@Sans911 I’m sorry I wrote this all here about me. I hope it’s ok and you are ok. Have been thinking about you.

💜🤗

Hearing you @Teej ......

Not sure what to say though. It seems incredible to me that there are no other choices available to you. I would agree with your therapist that it’s not possible to “fail” therapy ..... you either take things away from it with you, or you don’t ..... for a variety of reasons ..... and small parts can be worked on progressively if a butt-load of therapy in short-term sessions hasn’t wrought a substantial change.

Does this person hold the keys to you attending art therapy classes, and a variety of other “alternate” approaches that clinics and respite centres offer ? Some of these might help to shift the blockage with your therapist. This new person sounds harsh to me. She might think that is the answer, but it’s not always ..... and knocking out other supports doesn’t make sense to me either.

I hope I am validating your feelings, not confusing you further.

This person does kind of hold those keys @Faith-and-Hope. Her assessment will change everything and my support at cmh. She’s told me it won’t but that is complete bs. It will change lots. I’m pretty sure it will be a gradual release of services as not to be so obvious but will not be long before I’m discharged from the service as a lost cause. I get it but it’s hard when it’s your life.

Edited. When you don’t have what’s considered a permanent condition there is much more pressure to get you off their books. It’s a gov dept so they need bang for their buck. If it is permanent you get maintenance support but nothing beyond that too. This is where the ndis is going to create hell for those caught between the cracks.