The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

@outlander

You might be sorry you asked.

As usual, my mouth gets me into lots of trouble. I commented on a post in a bpd fb group last night. I told the poster I was going to give them 'tough love' as I believed they were making excuses NOT to help themselves recover. I tried to be gentle. Unfortunately I was mostly shot down by others who said I lacked compassion, understanding and I was too harsh. I tried to justify what I wrote, but in the end I apologised, and I left the group.

I'm so often saying things wrong, particularly at work, and it comes out sounding abrupt and completely misunderstood. I then get defensive, which makes it ten times worse.

And today I just feel dispensable, like I'm a puppet for others to use for their own gain.

I was looking forward to getting back to some form of work soon, but honesty, this is my biggest issue that has dogged me all my life. If I can't fix it or change, nothing is going to be better. And what's the fkn point of existing like this, to continually screw up.

@Sans911 dont be sorry for saying how you are thinking. I would rather that then you disappear. We would realise you are gone. But that's me being selfish, wanting you to stay.

You matter so much sweetheart.

Sometimes a storm will come to clear our path forward. 💜💜💜💜

You don't screw up here @Sans911 - I have always found you to be honest and straightforward and quite frankly that is needed sometimes - and we are only too happy to say if we don't agree with you but also have that respect for you (as we know you do for us to) to be honest in our approach - that should be seen by others as a positive trait of yours and not a negative one as you have just experienced on that fb group - when it comes down to it we are all different and have a different perspective on things and the ultimate compliment is to say we agree/disagree but respect the other person's opinion - you are not alone here Hon and you are very much respected

@Zoe7

You are so smart, kind and always seem to know just what and how to say things.

I admire you for that. Just as @Faith-and-Hope

is the same as are many other members. I appreciate what you say, but in rl it rarely goes right for me. And I can't continue to live like this, but it's incredibly hard to change I often don't realise how or what I've said until it's out of my mouth. So how can I change this when I can't even recognise when I'm doing it?

Sometimes it is simply about checking ourselves before we say anything Hon and you have recognised that this is what you often do and that is the first step in the process. It is the same as we do here @Sans911 - reading what we write before hitting that post button and determining whether what we have said is apropriate for the situation or if it will further enflame and already orecarious situation - sometimes we have to check our words and that is the same irl - using the STOP method can work for 'talking' sitautions as well as difficult situations for us.

Agreed ..... @Sans911

Also, placing your will to change in a particular direction can help

it to happen ..... through incremental, often unconscious steps taken to follow through. It’s not always a cognitive process other than making a conscious decision that you want this change.

Love you regardless @Sans911 💜

@Sans911. You do it by baby steps. You make a mistake and then apologise, it’s not the end of the world when it comes out our mouth without a filter if you catch it, which by the sounds you usually do. You learn to recognise when you are getting defensive and give yourself a time out so get some space and wise mind from the huge emotion going on because of the interaction. Then you realise that you don’t need to quit something especially when it’s related to mental health because we are mostly really good at forgiveness. You’ve experienced that here. Then you forgive yourself because you are human and deserve that. Many people look at someone’s heart and actions more than words. You’ve got both in spades.

I also wonder if you think you did the right thing because it seems there is some integrity here too and a real willingness to help people. A couple of things came to mind. One was maybe writing a pros and cons list about broaching things like that, the other is to do the DBT activity to see whether the relationships, goal or self respect are the important ones. It’s truly ok that you wrote something coming from a good place. It’s not necessarily your fault it was taken negatively. It’s like on here. Sometimes people give us advice that creates more chaos for our brains but it’s ultimately up to us as to how we react.

Im feeling like this is really preachy. It’s not meant to be and you know I’m in my own world of similar but different:face_with_rolling_eyes: stuff. The stuff that feels like it will never change and what’s the point. The point for me writing a preachy post was to let you know I’ve got your back along with all the others. You have your own sans team here all who want the best for you. Change is hard but I know you can do it by tiny little incremental steps.

pS I learned through the forum when I was getting extra defensive and justifying myself it would end up creating so much pain and chaos. I slowly started to recognise the signs when I was justifying. It takes practice but it does help. You don’t have to be able to catch something straight up yet, just learn the little things and how to deal with it better. Over time you might be able to not let the things slip as often.......but remember we are all human and if we are passionate human well let things slip in the heat of the moment that we regret. Even the great Elon musk recently proved he’s only human as well when he was obviously feeling very vulnerable and let rip without thinking. He had a lot of different ways he could have handled that after he’d messed up. I think that is the secret.

Hugs 💜🤗

I’ve edited this post hugely. I’m so sorry @Sans911. Im Not in a place to give advice. I’m feeling so unsure about everything just now.