My Thai Discovery Journey

Plodding along albeit sadly. My daughter threw a tantrum telling me how stressed she felt at having the huge responsibility for my welfare. Translated - I was interfering with her social life.

Just four days after I returned home from my friend’s place, she’d had enough. During that time she had put some crackers in a container a few times, helped me dress twice, made two scrambled eggs, cut up an apple, transferred tablets from a childproof bottle into another container, bought crackers and bananas for me and changed the toilet roll.

When I asked her how many minutes a day she thought she was taking doing these things, she wouldn’t say. Apparently, that wasn’t the point - she was stressed and I wasn’t trying hard enough. I should be able to do those things by myself. Never mind the fatigue, nausea and the pain.

She never enquire as to me how I was or if I needed anything. I had to ask her to do these things and once she took to me to task because I didn’t say please. Didn’t visit me in hospital or offer to take me to any appointments. Whilst I was in hospital, she told me she was wanting to move out. I told her that I would appreciate it if she could delay it. Perhaps she’s resentful because of that. Seems like she would have preferred that I returned to Australia in a body bag.

When I told her that what I was asking her to do didn’t seem excessive to me, she just told me that she didn’t sign up for this, I was ruining her life and then she smashed a glass of water on the tiled floor. I had to clean up the mess because she took off to her room. There was glass everywhere, including the dog’s food and water bowls.

That was Thursday night. Haven’t spoken to her since. She has just breezed in to shower and change and go out again. In the meanwhile, I have struggled along. Not a happy situation at all.

On the bright side, my son came by yesterday and got stuff from the pharmacy (got the after hours doctor out for a script for more pain meds), did shopping for me (a week’s worth of frozen meals, containers that are easy to open for snacks), got the washing off the line (that the shower lady hung out the other day), mowed the grass that hadn’t been done for six weeks, took the rubbish out and prepared the dog’s food for the coming week.

Feeling 😩

This is how I make Vegemite on toast. Had to ask a neighbour to open the jar and then I sit on the floor to do it. Putting it in a square container stops it from sliding away.

This experience has taught me to be resourceful. Looked up tips on how to cope one handed but many clips showed people who had stumps on the other side to help them hold stuff and also, they didn’t have the shoulder issue along with the pain.

Anything I can do take so much more energy and so much longer.

Hi @soul That sounds so hard. It must be exhausting. I'm glad your son stepped up. Is he able to come around from time to time? Wishing you well.

Sorry to hear this @soul, life sucks sometimes. Can you get a nurse to come out and help,,or is that already happening? Sending warm thoughts your way.

Thankyou @Faith-and-Hope - the flowers.💜💜

What hurt the most was when I mentioned that family helps family because they love each other and shouldn’t even have to ask for that help (she had seen me sacrifice my job and spare time for my parents) her reply was that she didn’t love me 😢

My son is wonderful and immediately offered his help when he found out what had happened. I have a woman that comes three times a week to shower me and that’s when I get to change my clothes. I asked her if there were people within her organisation that did cleaning as well. Wasn’t keen on getting some random person in but have done some research.

My daughter is a bit of a slob, leaving dirty dishes in the sink for days then grumbles if she sees a cockroach. I’m often cleaning up after her. In a way, it would be better if she moved out but maybe she’s done the maths and sees how expensive it would be and how comfortable her existing arrangement is. I paid three quarters of the rent, all the bills including groceries and did 90% of the housework including her washing, looking after her pets and the cooking. It’s sad and puzzling to think that my kids are so different.

Perhaps she has other issues but I feel really let down by her behaviour. It seems that the world revolves around her and I am an inconvenience.

She’s probably put out at having lost her cook and bottle-washer @soul ..... as a parent I would do no more than the absolute basics for her from this point on, politely, but draw the line in the sand. It doesn’t matter who it abusing you .... husband, wife, mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother, sister, son, daughter .... abuse is abuse, and it’s not okay. It’s not selfish to stand up to abuse .... it’s self-care, and it’s necessary.

Daughter needs to be dealt with with passive-resistance, I would say @soul ..... remaining polite, but just ignoring any bad behaviour, and side-lining everyth8ng that she is responsible for. Not doing her washing, or ironing, or dishes .... just set them neatly aside, and if anything is said, just calmly respond that they are her responsibility, and don’t ask or expect anything else from her. It’s not the same as cold-shouldering, but it is akin to it, in that you remove yourself emotionally from the relationship to protect yourself from the abusive side of it.

I hope that helps. There are some people I have had to do that with in my life. It removes that sense of being powerless in the face of it, and helps revive your self-respect.

💜💐💕