I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlanderthat is understandable if it was a hard session. Sometimes I come out feeling worse but know I achieved something.

Just take some self care time sis

@outlanderjust take some long deep breaths. Check in with yourself and see what you need to do to calm down. Do you need a warm shower, cup of tea, something to help you.

i just had a shower now @Former-Member i had to drive home in a storm which is an extrmeme trigger more so the lightning and its still storming here so its really setting me off.

so i went to the psych session and we talked about a few things. just in dot points about a few things :

my mother and the disrespect etc: keep being persisitant with the change. not a short term fix unfortunatley.

the depression- she worried about me and had to promise her that if i came unsafe to go to hospital or ring her

mood patterns, and nightmares. no help there except to keep a diary of what the nightmare is and my moods daily etc.

this is the crappy part and im really confused! i told her how bad ive been and how bad ive been feeling, esp the hopeless bit and really not coping etc and she said to keep doing the things i would normally like to to and keep it in a routine. and i proceeded her to tell her what ive been doing including work etc and she said 'getting on with your day is to be expected and im (as in me) actually not doing enough' her words- ummm help????

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Zoe7@Sans911@Queenie@Owlunar

I question the worth of it at night, especially the way you seem to be triggered at night @outlander.As stated with my counseling,I felt I was on the stand in court,defending myself.You are vulnerable to this person,I could not handle it of a evening,so try and do what @Former-Member says."You aren't doing enough?",only you can answer this question.

@outlander

I don't think I have an answer for you because I am unsure what your psych means by not doing enough. Does she mean during the day, or your self care, or when you feel upset.

Did she expand on this at all?

@Former-Membershe wanted to see me before she left for 3 weeks and only had tonight or friday evening avaliable so ended up going tonight. the storm is makign things worse for me but now the anxiety has worn off im back to where i started. yes very vulnerable indeed.

@Former-Membershe said it in th context of her words 'someone even in your current mental state should be able to perform the tasks that i normally do, the horses and work and drawing and anything else i want to do and are actually capable of doing more' does that help?

she said i need to follow her instructions to a T and i said i have been and listen the 5 or 6 things i could think of that she told me to do. no answer.

she said no one can help me except me.