I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlander NikNik is on to it but still everyone involved I think now feels really hurt. I feel like a piece of crap.

ive taken a look @Bunniekins and i can pick it up and just seen Nik is onto it. i can see the others have also put their input in and are keeping it happy including P_R. its hard to go back the same way though, makes me run and hide too. your not a piece of crap i suggest possibly staying away until your comfortable or contiune on and dont let it dampen your mood, add in your funny pics and watch the video clips

@outlander I will look in tomorrow. Shame how some people just have to spoil it for everyone else.

well you can stay and chat here to me if you like @Bunniekins im just in background atm as not handling things too well. but i can talk to you

how are you besides whats happening now?

@outlander Well I am pretty good considering the heat ... it is going to be a billion degrees here tomorrow! Just hate the summer. Bring on a European winter and I will be a happy greenpea.

How about you? Sorry you are not feeling great . Are you due for the same heat that we will be experiencing? What happens to the horses when you get that kind of heat?

yeah its suppose to be 36 tomorrow @Bunniekins i hate the heat of summer but the cold is bad for my physical conditions. low 20s are a good temp. they often just drink more water as a natural instinct and seek shelter, theres not really too much we can do.

i said some really horrible things last night, i regret them but it let out how i was feeling. did it help- no not really. at least the pain meds they gave me have a sedative in them too. so i actually sleept last night an most of the day today.

@outlander What did you say...? Can you tell me or you really don't want to ....

thankfully they said 'its the pain talking' so i wasnt sent to hospital. and pop wasnt home- he was at a birthday party and his brother dropped him back home. thank god for that. i have to be ok tomorrow for pops surgury.

anyway it wasnt directed at the dr- but i found myself saying outloud that 'i want to die' 'i cant take it anymore' ' i should be put down, i dont deserve to live'

they are getting me to go to drs when i can get in and asked them to run more xrays to see if my condition has worsened

@Bunniekins

@outlander Poor outlander you really are in the wars ... I don't know what to say ... you are going through so much and you never get angry at the doctors!! Anyone else would be giong ballistic by now... goes to show what a nice person you really are.

@Sans911I wanted to change my avatar to either a dove, an eagle or a wolf. Couldn't make up my mind so Zoe7 put the three together!