I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlander - sorry, I was away chatting to the nurses. Back now.

@Former-Member Goodnight hun

Thats ok @Sans911
Thank you for helping me with some of my big feelings. Ive still got those ones where i dont really know whats wrong but i have parked up my worries for pop until the time comes

@outlander - I understand why the house would make you nervous. It is a place of lots of negative energy, sadness and overwhelming feelings. You need to make your home your own now. When you can, and a little at a time, treat yourself to special things. Like a new vase- I actually have a bought 2x Maxwell Williams purple ones from an op shop. I don't know if you go there much, but occasionally I find a special treasure, like a salad bowl or dessert setting. I like pretty things, but they have to be practical too. Buy stuff on special but make sure you really want it. Create a special corner for your arts/crafts. Have you ever made a wish list of things you would like? Maybe you can do that. Really put some thought into it. Time now for you to have a life, bit by bit, that's meaningful for you.

@outlander ahh, lil Sis 💛 💜 💙 you've nodded off to sleep. Goodnight my angel. I'll watch over as I always do. Thank you for your acceptance of me tonight. I know what your answer would be to that, so please don't answer.

Sorry sis i did fall asleep. I was in the sun alot yesterday and was feeling really tired @Sans911
I do hope you got some sleep too 💜

Yeah for the past day or so, i havebt meantioned it here yet but ive been having flashbacks of the night i tried to save my nan who ended up passing away 3 days later. It was so scary and my pop couldnt do anything cause he was balling his eyes out so i had to call the ambulance at the same time as helpling nan.
Its the last memory i have of her in this house. The other one is the one that breaks my heart and if i speak of it i think id loose my shite


Im trying to make my room special. I redecorated the bathroom yesterday. And brought a pretty cuttlery set.
Im decorating my room in purple and blue and have found really nice things so waiting on them to arrive.

I havent done a wish list cause im one of those visual people where i dont know what i want until i see it see of thing.

@Faith-and-Hope ive been meaning to ask how come your love hearts are black in colour? I dont have that option on my phone.... or is it suppose to be another colour but isnt showing up on my phone?

They are red on my phone @outlander. Someone else mentioned them being black on theirs too .....

What colour is this one ? ❤️

@outlander - oh hun you've been through the wars in such a short period of period of time, haven't you? But that is the beautiful, compassionate soul that you are, which is exquisitely gentle, kind and loving yet so sad and hurting. You did your very best @outlander, and I know those words might fall flat when you felt that you could have done more. But try to replace those terrible memories with one's that are of happier times. Try to surround yourself with happy photos, and maybe chat to your Pop about lovely times they had together as a couple. I don't have grandparents anymore. My grandmother and great grandmother died when I was 26 within 6months of each other, but they weren't the nicest people. My grandfather died about 5 or 6 years ago, and he also wasn't a pleasant person, very bitter with life and a man of few words. I envy the relationship with your grandfather; it seems very special and precious. Hold onto that.

Yeah i see Utopias come out black sometimes too
The one you just done is red @Faith-and-Hope thr ones you done to Zoe are black and the ones you tagged both sans and zoe in are black ad well

We talk about nan and the happy memories all the time which is good but that memory i never want anyone to have to do or witness. Having both go down at the same time was scary. I thought my nan was going to pass right in front of me. And then pop had his moment right in front of me at the same time. I had no idea what to do. I was 18 atm in the middle of doing my hsc.

Tears are flowing now. I miss her so much