I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@Former-Member Yes, it is frustrating not being able to name it or talk about meds, but I understand why. They work differently for everyone regardless of dose, and that's half the issue, but possibly because of the issues of abuse at well.

There's other forums and networking sites that also won't allow you to discuss meds, suicide methods or other stuff that again might lead to triggers or abuse. It's all about safety. Even I get squirmy when I'm asssesed by professionals about my suicide risk, and they ask about intent, etc. It's never easy to talk about. I had a lengthy discussion last week with the intake clinician for the suicide prevention counsellor. She is the same facilitator I had during my 7 months of DBT skills group so she knows me fairly well. At the beginning of the DBT program, she attempted to stop me leaving at the end due to my high risk, so I pushed her out the way. I'm not entirely proud of things I've done at times, but also at these times I was highly emotional & irrational. So of course during this intake call, I was asked lots of questions. I told her stuff I hadn't shared with anyone else before about my SI.

I could have kept my OTC stuff hidden, and have done before. All it does is make me sleepy, but I struggle into the next day to stay alert or awake with the doses I take. The head nurse here knew about what I was doing at the end of my last stay, didn't know during. I am trying to break my hold on them; they aren't addictive, but I've become dependent on them to help me sleep/shut down. And I will be talking to him tomorrow morning, so I want to have a clear head.

Have had the meds during this post. The nurse had some issues with the pharmacy and other people got involved.

I don't care if pdoc is angry or not. I'm not that happy with her for other things.

You've got every right to ask about your meds. Many meds start on a smaller dose for a while, then increase. Yeah, side effects suck. On ad I was on made me put on 6kgs in 5 weeks! I in the last 2 years I think I've been on more than 8 or 9 ads and various other meds for this or that.

@Former-Member re:pic err... No. Keep looking

@Former-Member I think I'm coming down a little from my anxiety high. It's not the meds but the anxiety started to escalate before I got here and that was 4 hours ago. My joints hurt so much right now! My blood pressure and heart rate are still elevated as is my breathing. But I'm not as panicky. And I'm in my room, not in my car or driving away.

If I'm not honest @Former-Member with my SI behaviours, including meds abuse, I will not survive this year. That I'm sure of. I've have been very close a couple of times. Unfortunately, my SI behaviours won't decrease until I'm in proper therapy and dealing with the pain and trauma. Which will keep the SI elevated for a while longer. I hate it, I really do.

I'm going to log off in a bit. I've probably talked your ears off! Sorry for that. I be back to my quiet corner of the wombat hole tommorow

Good night sweet lady. I hope you get even a few hours of rest/sleep. 😘💝💟💖💗💘

@outlander @Former-Member morning my angels. It's a delightful 4am here. My roomie is a heavy snorer, do I'm sitting outside in the coolness sopping on my first coffee. I think I slept ok.

How are you both?

Good morning! @Former-Member @Sans911
Why is it the one night i fo to bed early you too are up!

Nell i loved ypur pic of the gansta sisters lol.

Sans your sarcasm was off the charts. Im really glad to hear your going to be honest ad utilise tor stay and NOT sleep in your car


Im never asleep by 930 which was a worry but i guess i needed it. Woke up a few times from coughing and lack of breathing then around 2 really hot and realised my temp was up. Took something for it and went back to sleep but i sis actually have a good sleep all up. Through the night i was probably only awake 2 hrs but when it all settled i went straight back to sleep.
. I am feeling abit better this morning, not in as much pain and not as .any coughing fits as usual. Yay something is working. Finally! Only taken 2 weeks lol.
Patience is a virtue. Does it class as patience is i tell them t swap my organs 😉

Anyway i hope your days go well ill try and get another box or 2 finished. They sign the lease for the new house either Mondayor Tuesday.

Im excited but nervous at the same time but good nervous i guess. Its going to be very different me basically 'leaving the nest' as well

I still havent come up with another line @Sans911 beacuse you and nell are my angels too. Your always watching out for me including when tour not here or when im not here and it means alot to me

Hmm not sure if gangsta sisters suit that 😂

@outlander glad to hear you got a half decent sleep last night. My anxiety bombed out after 4 or so hours, and I was exhausted. I slept through until woken, so about 5 hours. I'll probably go back to sleep again in a while.

Err, outlander patience is NOT swapping your organs nope. It will make your recovery 10time longer, and if you feel a little rubbish now, then you will totally shite then.