The black dog is back

I hope you find some help here, Everyone is so kind and helpful.

I am glad you are feeling comfortable enough to be your real self here, being anonymous helps too

Take care @Cherpieus, be kind to yourself

Jacques

Hi @Cherpieus,

I think your husband is struggling to know how to support you, maybe he is frightened and/or has little understanding, maybe get him to look at the black dog institute, they have information for people with depression and for families supporting people with depression.

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

I really hope this helps you @Cherpieus, it is very difficult to deal with depression, for the person and their families. anyway have a look, print out some info and help him understand what you are going through.

Remember their is always lifeline and your doctor if things get too much.

Good luck @Cherpieus, take care, be kind to yourself.

Jacques

Does your husband know how to share affection and kindness .. it is sometimes seen as being weak in men but if they learn to do that .. they can show caring

I felt the dog was better treated in my first marriage ... no question ...

but your marriage is still young ,,, you are more than a work horse to provide comfort for family .. you are a whole person.

My husband has never been great at affection but has in the past been very kind to me. Not lately though... since I've been struggling with Depression and trying to share with him. This is the first time he has seen me very bad.

I tried to educate him about Depression by showing him Beyone Blue and Black Dog websites at a time when I was well. It's like he doesn't believe it's real. And now he doesn't want it to be my reality.

I committed when I got married again that I would accept my husband for who he was and he told me he accepted me how I was. Even though I told him about my Depression, I don't think he believed me because he'd never experienced or saw me with it before we got married.

I'm really annoyed now because I accept him and all of his 'issues' and am very empathetic and 'put up' with a lot.

Thanks everyone for listening to my ramblings.

Hi @Cherpieus,

My relationship has been going almost thirteen years now. Before we moved in together I told my partner about having a history of depression. As with your experience, he probably didn't really believe me at that time or else it just didn't mean much to him because I was on a kind of high and quite bright and bubbly. When I told him I had taken anti-depressants in the past, he went 'Oh yuck'. This despite him having much more obviously 'crazy' traits than me by far. As my mental illness did deteriorate after some time, I also struggled with feelings of abandonment by him. The point of all this is that he has been able to come a very long way over time in understanding my mental illness (which has since been diagnosed as bipolar). I really hope something similar can happen over time for you and your husband. Though it sounds like a very hard time for you at the moment, there is still hope in the longer term, especially when you are able to access some treatment. Perhaps it may be later once you have some relief from symptoms that you will be able to better work through or decide some of the issues with your husband.

Not ramblings @Cherpieus I think you have been proactive and to the point.

I also disclosed with my exhusband etc ...

however there are relational dynamics that escalate the feeling of unwellness ...

in our last topic tuesday we had a family therapist ... who recommended the Murray Bowen website ... I think it is well worth reading for both you and your partner.

I did about 8 years of intermittent family therapy with one organisation .. the most stable social experience I have had in my life.The reason I am saying this is that there is still WEE bit of misogyny in our culture, and women admit to more about feelings.

Rather than just focussing on your self as having something wrong only with you ... it takes two to tango

That Murray Bowen website was extremely interesting.

Unfortunately I couldn't suggest it to my husband to read but I got a lot out of it.

Thanks 🙂

I'm so proud of myself today.

Last night my husband got really angry. Not at me per se but he was sharing some personal experiences with me and he got angry about them. It was quite scary because he slammed on the table with his hand - with his broken hand! He then walked out saying he needed a minute to calm down.

Usually if something like this happens I would go into the bedroom and ball my eyes out. This usually makes things worse because my husband gets annoyed when I cry. I felt the tears come and they started to fall. I took a few deep breaths, told myself to calm down and that how he feels is not my responsibility. I then sat at the piano and forced myself to concentrate on playing a few tunes. It worked. The tears stopped. This has never happened before, usually once they start that's it I can't stop them.

My husband came back inside. I asked if he was ok and he was very short with me. I left him alone for a while longer and then he came good. He even sat and had dinner with me and the kids and asked them how their weekend had been.

Later, he was watching a youtube clip of a horrific event in Ireland which he was present at. He started to cry saying it still torments him.

I need to remember that his moods are not all about me and my kids.