Night Shift

I'm here too @Mazarita and watching Master Chef finals week at the same time 🙂 How was your talk with your Mum?

@eth,

It's always lovely to speak to mum these days. I love her very much, she's getting so much older now and I don't how much longer I will have her around. But it's also quite stressful speaking to her because she speaks very loud, fast and in an overriding way so that it's hard to get a word in without getting hyped up and loud myself, and even then I can't match her so always have to take the back seat! This has at times made me really frustrated and angry, but tonight I just have to laugh at the comedy of us both trying to communicate. When we are in person together these days she makes much more of an effort to overcome this compulsive speech pattern, as she knows it really gets to me. But on the phone she forgets and the pressured stream of words just flows forth. She is almost 81 and really can't help herself. Tonight it just makes me feel like giving her a big hug, partly to shut her up, partly just to say I love you mum.

How are things with your mum? I wonder what has been happening with your days since we last spoke. I read not so long ago that you were thinking of taking a bit of a distance from your nurse friend because you felt she was pressuring you. How is that going? Your male companion friend? It seems like so long since we had a proper chat.

@Mazarita my Mum is so similar in that way to yours, your post made me smile.

Would love to chat more but I'm nodding off on the couch so will go for now. Haven't seen much of either of the people you ask about. Thanks for remembering. Sorry but my energy just goes sometimes. I've been on-line for hours today, if I perk up again later I'll give you a shout out.

No worries, @eth. Hope to catch up again soon.

Ha ha @Mazarita just posting that last message got my brain going again! Plus I had to take my meds so that got me to move a bit. I just turn into a veg after dinner lots of evenings lately. Would much rather have a good chat.

@Mazarita I have taken a break from my nurse friend - didn't even have to make a statement about it as she found herself a girlfriend and has been absorbed in her new romance. As for my male friend - he was away for a week then had his daughter come to stay with her autistic son and was busy with them so I've only seen him once in a month. Times like this make me more aware of how determined he is not to involve me in other aspects of his life and it still feels strange after so many years of being lovers.

Great, @eth 🙂 I've been writing a blog entry about recent videos in between posts. Will take a break now. I've just come to the end of one section, a good time for a pause before starting the next. Earlier today I couldn't have dreamed of doing this writing, was way too foggy and sleepy. But, as is often the case, the evening has picked me up and cleared my head. So I'm happy to keep chatting along with you now.

@eth, I feel for you with the exclusion from your mate's extended life. Feel free to talk more about it if you'd like to try to unravel it more. But I remember you saying once before that you always do view it as a less-than-ideal but still rewarding aspect of your life (when available). People can be odd in some ways though, even friends. My friend around the corner who I've seen pretty much once or twice a week for 13 years still prefers to keep me and partner away from her family for the most part, and even prefers to see her friends one-on-one. She doesn't like the group dynamics and sometimes complications that can ensue from this. It strikes me as weird still though.

@Mazarita I guess it's just a case of liking the person and the friendship enough to accept what works best for the other party for both of us.

There's not really much to unravel with my mate (will call him J) - he just is who he is. Somehow it ties in for him with the way he works his AA program, but the fact he's had 3 marriages and another couple of pretty awful relationships (two of whom abused his daughter) since then is also a large part of it. Trust issues. I just know there's absolutely no point putting any sort of demands on him. Ultimately I'd rather have him in my life than not 🙂

Yes, I get that, @eth. Ultimately it seems better to have a relationship for real than to be always holding out for 'ideal images' of one that may or may not exist for us in real life. I know this from more than one relationship in my life. With my close friend, who I'd much rather have in my life even if I am excluded in odd ways from some parts of it. With the four and a half year open relationship I had many years ago with a man with a huge fear of commitment. We only lived together in monogamy for six months at the end of our time together and, oddly enough, that ended it. With my partner now too. As I've mentioned before, we have separate bedrooms and are only rarely intimate. In fact we often describe ourselves as flatmates and friends. The friendship is in fact the main aspect of our relationship, along with hugs before bedtime. This works though so why go chasing after ideals that are really only cultural constructions we are taught anyway?