Night Shift

@Former-Member, I've struggled with paranoid feelings since I was a child, linked as with you to sensitivity. I guess over time I've learned a fair bit of rational self-talk to help myself with this, whereas when I was a child I would get to the point where I thought all the other children in the school yard were staring at me sitting alone and hating me somehow. Vision kind of turning inside out, all that weird stuff that goes with stressed emotions. These days, I'm still obviously struggling because I fall into the slumps where I stay at home in my dressing gown for long stretches of time but it's better than it used to be and I'm certainly less paranoid here on the forum. But I was a lot more paranoid here when I first arrived. It's still only fairly early days for you here yet so I think it is likely to get better over time. Maybe your impulse to stay off the forum sometimes is worth listening to. At least that way you might get a bit more time to process things. It's a question of balance, isn't it, and trying to recognise when it's helpful and when it's not?

Thank you @Mazarita. There is soooo much in my head right now. I think you are right. Deep down I knew tonight that I need time out but I guess it's hard because it's time out for what. I don't have a life because I live in my head pretty much every minute I'm not on here. So I've clung to this but I guess I know I have to let it go too because I'm not coping with so many things. I need to find which way is up before I come back on I think. Thank you for your support as always and everyone else's too. Not sure how long I'll be away for this time although I may post something at one stage I've wanted to for a long time. 💜😊

PS. @Mazarita @Former-Member There is so much more I could write but I'm hurting so much at the moment and probably need to go. Please take care all💜😊

@Former-Member, just to be clear, I didn't mean staying away for long chunks of time when you might feel you could benefit from support here. Was just really giving a suggestion that it might be worth trying to sort out when it's helpful and when it's not, day to day, moment to moment. I haven't got this right myself! Also, I know we both tend to perfectionism, which tends to have us thinking black and white. So I'd suggest leave room for all the colours of engagement in between. Having said that, if you do really feel like you need a break without interruption, I won't make any 'callouts' to you until you post again of your own accord. But remember too that you don't have to answer callouts if you are not in the right space to respond. Sending many hugs for your bad feelings tonight. I hope you are able to get some sleep now and find yourself in a better frame of mind in the morning. And I hope the meeting with the Phams worker goes really well for you. Sending lots of hugs to you.

Big hugs @Former-Member and @Mazarita

Thinking of you x

Just stopped in for a moment on waking again to see if there were any new posts, concerned from earlier discussion. Thanks so much for your hugs, @Former-Member, needed that.

Morning @Kurra 💕

How was the drive this morning ?

Sorry I disappeared for a bit last night .... my S1 and DIL came over for dinner - a rare occurrence - bringing take-away with them. They caught up with my Dad, although he was asleep while we were eating, then woke up and had his dinner, so it went a bit longer.

Dad had his first good sleep last night. The surgery has knocked him around, but at his age it was always going to ...

The phone thing was a joke, but the nature of posts had changed by the time I came back on, so it can wait for another time 😏. I am hoping everyone is okay this morning, but don't want to do a call-out cos they might need some space .... just sending some good wishes, and hope, and faith, and peace, and courage anyway ...

Yeah, it's hard to find my mojo to paint at the moment. The one for this exhibition attempt was the biggest, most intense I had done, and it was an outpouring in response to the year that preceded it, I think. Now I am still feeling spent, and in limbo, which fits our situation ...

I had a bad morning with WH before he left this time ... he couldn't find something he really wanted to take with him, but because he is out of balance that became my fault, and his unattainable objectives became my fault, and, and, and .... and I was just so glad to get him on that plane and out of here .... it's really sad but I really can't do anything for him until he either starts to wake up or he hits rock bottom ....

He's not coming back with the kids today though, so I am thankful for that, and while its school holidays I don't have D3 school dramas ....thankful for that too.

My Dad is a fairly easy patient, so I can keep resting up for now .... will keep meals very simple and limit all other work .... and just recharge my batteries for the next round ....

i hope you have a lovely day.