Night Shift

Ohh, hi @eth how are you ?

You say it so much better than me @Crazy_Bug_Lady
I just write ..... I don't care but you explain it all ........ That's better..... :0)

Crazy_Bug_Lady
Thanks for writing about your Mother. It brought up memories for me I thought I had dealt with and I put them to rest today .......
You spoke about it I felt .........owning your own memory .........
I immediately imagined you mucking about with cows in the paddock and by writing how you got an extra Appiontment.

Hah !!!!.................. Brian Ferry just Came on the radio ............... He is great ..

Hey @eth wlcome back!! Hope your trip was good.
Thanks @PeppiPatty I'm feeling more or less fine again. Except little odd things are reminding me of the past.
I went to a shopping centre yesterday that is near my dad's place. It's the only one with a bank that's open on Saturdays. But I was remembering when my mother and I would make a trip on the train there. Even though there are millions of other memories there (my first job, going with my dad, shopping with friends), I was remembering my mother.
Which is not great, as the shopping centre was packed with Christmas shoppers, and I'm trying not to panic while remembering odd things. But I was trying to stay, trying to keep my anxiety low enough to stay there. My daddy found me!! He and my stepmum were shopping too! So that helped my anxiety and stopped the weird memories.

I keep having weird dreams... I don't usually dream, at least I never remember... but I keep waking up after having weird dreams, part memory, part nightmare, part just plain weird dream. Do any of you guys have that???
I've kept the abuse locked away for so long, and now if feels like it's seeping out of wherever I've kept it locked away.
I feel like I'm finally starting to get a grip on my MI, and now I'm terrified this is going to put me right back at start or worse...

Farm day thankfully. 41°c though. But I'll likely go early so I can sit in the paddock again and try and get my thoughts under control.
I don't do much in the paddock, just sit on an old log while the cattle hover around me, trying to work out why the human suddenly became small. If they're off in the distance sometimes I lure them in with a bit of grain.

Hi CrazyBugLady - I had 2 traumas happen when I was 21, which caused ptsd (also triggered the schizophrenia), so yes I have nightmares. Thankfully not as many or disturbing as at first. I was on an antidepressant that has a common side effect of vivid dreams for about 2 or 3 years - it caused vivid ptsd nightmares and I would wake up scared, disoriented and exhausted. I withdrew from that medication this year, so thankfully the dreams and nightmares are less frequent (the ones I remember) & they are not vivid.

I had a BIG day yesterday ~ drove to nearest capital city 1.5 hours apx for a friend's birthday & no more cancer celebration. He has been cancer free for 5 years so technically he is now in the clear. It was just him & another male friend of my partner & myself. We have known the cancer free guy since last year ~ partner met him in cycling group & the other friend we met 4wdriving 7 years ago, when my partner had a Jeep. 4 of us - I'm the only one who doesn't ride a bike! Parents never taught me & I brought a $600 bike in 2012, but my medication cocktail causes slow reflexes. Anyhow, we just sat on the grass under a tree at a park that has beautiful rose gardens. I had a good time. I can relax with these guys - no stigma re my mental illnesses. No cancer friend was a psych nurse once also. I also enjoyed smelling a few roses & we enjoyed some healthy food ~ olives, vegan banana bread, sparkling water etc. Lots of laughs & relaxed conversation. Then we drove an hour to a coastal city to buy a cheap 2nd hand fridge & apx 2.5 hours back to where we live. We got back at 8 & put a movie on at 10. We watched Ant Man, which was a bit silly ~ but helped me unwind a bit. Still when I went to bed at 12 I didn't get to sleep till after 3. Woke up just before 6, so buggered!! Plan for the day - do as little as possible ~ shower, return DVD's to kiosk, buy aloe vera & voltaren cream, re read a John Grisham novel & hopefully nap!

I hope everyone is 'okay'

Kind thoughts,

Namaste,

A

Dear @Ctazy_Bug_Lady

I always think that nightmares are of something emerging.
When I was having nightmares last year I went to therapy and they were about my dad stealing my home.
Good luck sorry I'm about to fall asleep .... Xx

hey I'm brand new here , are you still on line
hang in there