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Night Shift

MazaritaSenior Contributor23 Sept 2015, 4:13 am AEST

Night Shift

Since I am awake at 4am I thought I'd start this thread for those of us who have trouble sleeping and might find it helpful to have a place to go to chat. Whatever gets you through the night is alright.

To get the ball rolling, I'll just say that I enjoyed being part of the Topic Tuesday discussion tonight. I wish it was possible for these events to be weekly rather than monthly. Either way, thanks SANE and all the people I've met on here over recent months.

Edited June 2016 and February 2017: Night Shift is now open 24 hours a day. To join in, just click through to the last page of the thread at the top right of this post to get to the latest message.

Edited April 2017 and June 2017: For the sake of better communications between members here, I am adding that this thread is meant to be a caring, kind and gentle place of sharing. Humour is welcome, as long as its not unkindly directed towards other members. Hope your time in this chat thread is rewarding.

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In response to: Night Shift

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:10 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

That's what is keeping my kids sticking with it too @Former-Member, although they are struggling so much with it too ...

It gives me a sense of solidarity that your kids wanted the same, and persevered trying for it too. It means you u understand us from the inside out. Thank you so much for posting that. It means the world to me ...

❤️

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember03 July 2016, 1:12 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

@Faith-and-Hope I understand what you are saying completely. I know what kind of mum you are and that support for your kids comes first. Obviously most days they are resilient with it too.

At that point my ex MI had left him not working much but I didn't really put it together at the time. His illness was born from CSA and had developed by the time he was 15. I did so much research at the time to work out how to deal with everything. I supported my friend to prosecute him as I knew it would help them both. It was well known that facing up in court was important for his recovery. That didn't end well for any party inviolved. It was so complex.

In response to: Night Shift

MazaritaSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:13 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

@Former-Member, it was an unfair and most confusing choice for all of you. I feel nothing but compassion for you all.

@Faith-and-Hope, I also admire your bravery in opening up more about your situation. Again, it elicits only compassion and better understanding from me.

The depth of discussion we've reach here tonight is enormous.

In response to: Night Shift

AppleblossomSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:17 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

Good night @eth I had a strong feeling ... just one .. not many ..lol ... when we first met and then havent had much time online since then ... I dont want to rock the boat in any way ... it is unique and difficult enough .. take care.

@Mazarita lol.. back at you ... as my boy has good taste ... I dont really care what we see ... just good to go out some times and have light-hearted fun. ... as opposed to wicked fun.

@Former-Member Thanks for sharing your husband story ...it is so delicate to figure out a way through everybody's competing needs. I think many people do try and do the right thing. It just doesnt always work out.

I think I used to disclose and run too ... and look for replies later ... lol ... Life is strange ... and our partners with MI are tortured souls ... I am less angry with mine ... than I used to be .... but I think I could compete with @Faith-and-Hope big and baby dragons. A social worker recently was direct and kind and humourous with me about my rage ... which is pretty bloody HUGE. Roar roar ... there are no little fire pics on my laptop ... I sublimate a lot through music ... it is a lot nicer when life is better ... and it is getting that way ...

@teej we both have young men sons. It is difficult for men to grow up well in our agressive money mad society ...... in a story-telling workshop I went to ... a few of the men were expressing their issues ....

Have plenty of patience with yourself and your young men ... the compassionate stance you took with their father is very difficult but also takes special strength ... yours.

I am getting tired and ready for bed ... thanks for talking.

In response to: Re: Night Shift

MazaritaSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:23 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

Goodnight, @Appleblossom, sleep well.

It's late now and I should be heading to bed too I think.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences so honestly, @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope. Hope you are able to get some good rest overnight too.

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember03 July 2016, 1:24 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

Thanks @Appleblossom @Mazarita & @Faith-and-Hope for your support. Wishing you all a good nights sleep😊💜

In response to: Re: Night Shift

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:28 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

@Mazarita, I am sure @Former-Member will say this too, but there is so much you can put together in hindsight ....

I think my husband's mi emerged in his early to mid-20s, not too long after we married, but was both evidenced and disguised by workaholism ..... it's is only recently that I have come to understand that this is a form of ocd .... and this is something all over my WH's family.

Not only that, but at around the same time BED emerged as well, and this is now, only in recent years, recognised as an e.d. .... so this current state in a morphing and intensifying of the pre-existing condition, but as a BED sufferer, he was a far more amiable and charming personality (those sub-personalities I mentioned last week @Former-Member).

I actually asked him about this last year ... why he was so much more agreeable in that state, and his response was that there was no struggle to the BED form of the disorder - eating excessibpvely like that, and expanding his body size, while impacting on his self-esteem, was no struggle to achieve .... rather it was just going with the flow, whereas now he is having to swim hard against the tide ...

There is only so much he can tolerate in terms of questions and comments though. Most of it I have to park up for a time when specialists can walk him through it.

It does mean that we have been living with the underlying condition for most of our marriage without an awareness that this is what it was, and where it could lead.

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember03 July 2016, 1:33 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

I understand that @Faith-and-Hope. I had known him since I was 12. We dated when I was 19. He was around as a good friend for the birth of my kids too. It seemed impossible that someone I'd known well for nearly 4 decades had this as his secret. But when I researched I connected all the dots and it was horrifying. There is still so much more to this but I don't think I can share as it feels like it would cross boundaries.

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember03 July 2016, 1:39 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

@Faith-and-Hope. I feel like your situation has more hope in that you are aware of all your boundaries and responsibilities in all this. I messed some of that up. I micro managed for such a long time and you can't do that. For the only way things change is when they take responsibility for their behaviour. As a side note. My boys refuse to have anything to do with him now as they don't feel like he has taken on any responsibility for himself which he hasn't. It was all under false pretences. My ex has never gone on to show remorse or try to do the right thing by the ones he hurt. I could never live with that and nearly didn't.

In response to: Re: Night Shift

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 July 2016, 1:43 am AEST

Re: Night Shift

I understand @Former-Member. There are some aspects I haven't mentioned either, for various reasons.

Thanks again for sharing .... I feel so privileged to have found this community, and humbled by it ....

I might head off and try to sleep now. My feelings have settled, just being able to talk about it. I am not feeling as angry and bruised as I have all day until now.

I hope you can sleep okay tonight. I hope my story helps you to feel like you are not so alone in your circumstances, despite the differences.

Take care of you ❣

❤️

Good night

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