Night Shift

@Former-Member, so glad you are still here. 🙂 I get it now from what you are saying. I tend to bandy around my diagnosis, bipolar, bipolar, so easily, lol. Didn't occur to me that you might feel stigmatised either by yourself or others for yours. I didn't think your diagnosis would be one where anyone is harmed. You take such care in not harming others even in your words. You take much more care than I do.

I am good, thanks @MazaritaSurprisingly good. I made a difficult phone call yesterday about my neice's wedding coming up. Have clarified things with my son who was not invited .. for their issues not his.

An old friend who had stood me up after our last meeting, but forgot all about it, finally phoned me after a year and half break. I never cut people out of my life. I have suggested if he wants to talk that we walk .. so being more up front and assertive about my wishes.

You do have a clear kind positive posting style ... I dont think you are longwinded.

That made me smile almost to singing in my head about bipolar. I can imagine a jingle about it now. I would disagree about your care with words @Mazarita as well. Anyway I guess I'd better try and get my act together and try to sleep so I can attempt to get my son to school tomorrow. I was always pretty safe tonight as he has been home but I have been so distressed on and off for days now I was struggling a lot. Thanks so much again😊💜

Good on you, @Former-Member 🙂 Glad you are okay with son at home and that you are heading for sleep now. I have been aware that you have been struggling a lot this week. I can see fairly sudden mood changes in your posts sometimes, even though you do so well at writing caring words to others before asking for help for yourself. Thanks so much to you and @Appleblossom both for your kindness about my posts. Take care now and goodnight. ox

Hi @Appleblossom, back with you again. On occasions I find my head struggles a little with talking to more than one person at a time. It's so great to hear you sounding so upbeat about how things are. Clarification about things like the wedding are always helpful. I still carry around a bit of a sore feeling about not being invited to someone's wedding years ago and yet I also fully understand why I wasn't invited, being on the outer edge of the family as it were. I get what you were saying about having to make it clear with your psychologist that you didn't want to prioritise sleep over mood. I think I'm still trying to find my way with my psychologist. Ten sessions is not really that long for a psychologist to get to know us really, especially with some of the set scripts that seem to be involved in the process. Great that your sessions will be ongoing.

Apologies for three posts in a row by me but now that there's a bit of quiet time here, I want to respond to some of the earlier posts about creativity...

@Former-Member, thanks for taking the time to respond. I think creativity is a fantastically life-enhancing thing for so many people. I think where it can get to be a bit of a problem for me is that I have a high feeling of almost spiritual vocation in relation to it and also it seems a genetic propensity to bipolar. The way it appears in my life, balance can compromise creativity in a couple of ways. @Faith-and-Hope is right when she suggested in the other thread that the overnight hours seem to be best for my creativity. This goes against attempts at better sleep hygiene as I find myself unable to resist the night time hours for creativity. This then has a flow on effect into the daytime hours, reducing my ability to function on the basic levels. @Faith-and-Hope also observes that there can be a compulsion to continue with the work for long periods of time because that is how I (and others) get to the more highly creative levels of the process. Without these 'long rhythms' I find the work tends to be more superficial and unsatisfying to the point where I often don't even want to continue with it. However, working for 18 hours straight leaves me dumped on a shore of exhaustion for many days afterwards. I'm still working out the alchemical balance but am in a better place than I was a year ago. Thanks for your lovely comment about uniqueness.

Hi @Kurra, I relate to what you say about your relationship with music. I especially get what you are saying about how you get to express so much that is not possible to describe in words or even in conscious thought in a way. Like you, I love the 'magic' way we can be transported to a place that is both 'in the moment' and in another way blissfully unaware of having to even think about that. I think music has a special relation to mindfulness as distracting thoughts really interfere with good playing. From what I've read of your posts to date, I think you have a much more disciplined relation to your creativity which is inspiring to me. Very best wishes on the upcoming gigs you have. Not sure how you manage to do that and your job too! You are a bit of a superwoman from what I can see. Hoping you can get some better sleep tonight though!

Thanks again, @Former-Member, for your earlier post about all this too. I find you so insightful in the way you respond. It's true that physical health problems do also interfere with me finding better balance, though I'm also aware that my health could be a lot worse, even just from times in my life when it has been worse, let alone when thinking of the much greater suffering on this level of so many others. I do tend to compensate for a lot of what I fall short of in ordinary ways with high creative activity. Sometimes I feel I am desperately seeking some kind of redemption for my many shortcomings through it, which is not the healthiest of ways to approach things. Thanks again for your kindness. I hope you too are asleep now as I write this.

Hi @Mazarita and @Appleblossom if you're still here .... @Kurra too (even though she's gone to sleep).

It was so good of you guys to step forward for @Former-Member. I can relate to a large degree about what she is feeling, but for very different reasons ...... without a diagnosis or medical support for my husband, we are somewhat adrift on rough seas, as a family, through his condition rather than ours. Thus year has been a bit easier, because we have established an uneasy truce that is keeping us all functioning, but it is still very much that we are treading water, like our lives are on hold.

I know it won't always be this way, but that's the way it is at the moment, and I know we have progressed from last year when I was struggling to face the day each day, not knowing what sort of turmoil it would bring - but that was from my circumstances and my environment rather than from my inner world. It was rocking my inner world too though, and it still does, suddenly and unexpectedly, when I'm suddenly faced with a melt-down in one or more of us.

The reverberations from my husband's situation is causing collateral damage in the rest of us, but as you are all working towards recovery and repair, we are too ..... step by step, moment by moment, decision by decision, every day .... different reasons but echoes of the same issues regardless.

I need to get some sleep .....

Thanks for listening.

G'night..

🌷💗💕🌸

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, I can understand how difficult it would be to be faced with what you go through without diagnosis of your husband's condition and how it must feel like the future is difficult to contemplate. To me you appear as another of the forum's superwomen but I know that it must be so very hard for you at times (like, every day, as each new challenge appears). The best I can think of to do in this virtual middle-of-the-night before you sleep is to send hugs and kind wishes. Hope your dreams are peaceful and replenishing.

Hi everyone,

I havent been able to read on whats going on for everyone, though from the previous post i can see that @Former-Member you are struggling. i hope you get some sleep tonight and that youre ok.

im not sure how things are going for me. mixture of good bad and ugly i guess. but perhaps thats how life is supposed to be.

just wanting to check in somewhere i belong...

lj