Night Shift

Hi all,

I'm just going to interrupt things with a belated response to @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope who wrote to me this morning about something I wrote on the 'writing as therapy' discussion when I was feeling a bit down and out. Both said some similar things on the two different threads so that's why I'm just responding to both here.

@Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope: thanks so much for your kind and considered responses. Be assured, I wouldn't trade the creative life for anything. I am blessed to have found something so meaningful in my life. It's also been a difficult journey through many years of dedicated but mostly unpaid labour, some public humiliations, times of creative block and, with the latter, despair at the emptiness this left behind. But the times when the creative flow has been happening in my life in a productive way have also been a lifeline through other life traumas that might have otherwise completely knocked me out. There's no doubt creativity is an essential part of who I am, perhaps the most essential.

My concern with the way it manifests in my life at present is the compulsive nature of it, the extremes of behaviour it takes me to and the way in which it seems to leave me unable to function in the most basic ways, such as showering, looking after myself domestically, getting out of the flat, exercising, engaging with the social world. Especially over the past decade or so, it has just been too draining of all else. I think you both may know by now that, prior to this past year, I spent seven years almost completely holed up in the flat. I have improved over the past year in this regard but not in as big a way as I might have hoped. I so much appreciate the reassurances in your posts but there is still something wrong with the equation as it adds up in my life.

Having said that, I think what is needed is a lot of patience with myself. Understanding that I have this one special strength at the expense of much else that many others might take for granted. I am not aiming for 'completely normal', but I do need to continue step by step on finding a place of better balance. I am engaged in this process but I still lose sight of it on a regular basis, hence my post this morning.

Again, thanks so much for engaging with me on this. Love and hugs.

@Former-Member, doing a happy dance for you that you now have internet and a Phams worker!!!

@plasmo, I think it's more specifically British Columbia that is famous for camping, because there's a lot of various trees and greenery, and unique weather... 🙂

@Faith-and-Hope, you can definitely make indian tacos at home too, I can give you the recipe if you want. I definitely enjoyed myself at camp. 🙂

The wild life was so great... A lot of pretty birds, and fishes... No bears or cougars though, and the mosquitos left us alone... Mostly. I have a couple of bites, but not too bad. There weren't any spiders either, and not a lot of moths... It was great because me and my friend doesn't like bugs, haha. Although, we brought pop and every single bee out there came to us, jeez.

We are on together Again @Mazarita how cool is this !

Don't you agree @Snuchu and @Mazarita that people often argue when they go away......all those emothions from home come out.

This is not your fault @Snuchu

I love @Faith-and-Hope and @teej and @Decadian mesages, a real...typing in of care is here.

Hi @PeppiPatty and Arlo, big hugs to you both!

Yes, I do agree that trips away can bring out the worst in couples. I so relate to what you say about your parents, @Snuchu, from memories of my own. It's not pleasant having to be witness to arguments, especially when they start turning the blame on you! My parents were pretty bad with this kind of thing too. On a more positive note, really glad you had a good time away mostly. Awesome that you've decided not to score. That's on of the best things that's happened in this household to help me give up too. Best wishes with it!

@PeppiPatty, you have a really cute dog! 😄

@Mazarita Thanks for responding. I think that you are right in needing to allow yourself time to change. Finding balance is difficult. I think it's been harder for you with your physical health too which is probably making it more difficult to achieve the everyday goals drawing you back to the creative boom which makes you feel better ( and then sometimes worse again). My point is what you said really - try not to be so hard on yourself, it will happen sometime. Thanks for celebrating with me. Take care😊💜

hi @Snuchu , good to see you again. I am so very jealous of your camping trip, with the exception of the family glitch it sounds great. Stay chilled 😊💜

Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady I've been thinking of you and hope you're ok and your day off eating chocolates and watching movies has helped. Wishing you the best😊💜

There's so much wisdom in your post @Mazarita. I'm not a particularly creative person so I have this romantic image of what creativity brings to someones life. It doesn't sound romantic though when you describe what it takes from you. What happens when you try for balance? Does that reduce or compromise your creativity?

BTW I reckon 'completely normal' is way over-rated! I don't wish that on your unique soul 🙂

This is what I like so much about you @Former-Member.......

You take in and acknowledge all the right things that people write. This is exactly right about @Mazarita.....ya gotta give your self time to change........pysically too. ( Remembering it took me 4 years to have the guts to be able to use my lapband properly.....)

Thanks @Snuchu about Arlo my dog.. He is the love of my life......he is my darling.

@maritza and @Appleblossom, @lisajane and @Shaz51 have I told you both that my oldest son is thinking about taking his medication?? Yippee.