Night Shift

Wow @Former-Member - that's brilliant - thanks

I can't see myself - or read what I write - from the outside - but to be told that I handle it with dignity is truly wonderful

There was a terrible day many years in the past when I was in a public hospital still trying "treatments" - and I was undermedicated. After fighting for hours started to cry - and this humiliated me because I like to think I am stronger than that - but I wasn't - and I was heaving huge sobs when without warning two nurses where asking me to turn over and they had a syringe of a strong pain preparation - what a surprise - and what relief!!

I have never done that again though - I haven't needed to - my pain is better controlled now do it doesn't get that bad

With my mother and my sister being pretty hard to get on with - I stopped reacting to what was happening - but I was anything but passive - my bro and I found ways to get away from home as we got older and we left home as soon as we could get married - not a good reason to marry.

But I thought I was in the wrong too - I really don't have any idea what triggered bad behaviour into adult life - but I didn't hang around when things got tense - I lived an incredible life - very challenging - hard - but rewarding - but still I had low safe esteem until I started seeing the psychotherapist I am seeing now

The things I was doing - working, studying, being involved with a Royal Commission and other youth related issued - were building self-esteem - and it was only last year that I saw it - which surprised the psychotherapist - and me

Yes - my back was bad today - but I did some thinking about behaviour disorders - personality, borderline - etc - which do sound like measles or chickenpox - like - the doctor once told me to take my pick - one of my kids had them both at the same time

So this would be a big confusing thing - how can they tell which label fits - though mine - Emotionally Fragile - does fit - I will be fine for as long as it lasts - but it just takes a few things to go wrong and I totally fall apart

But I guess I am compelled in some way to recover - and I do - I have to let it happen and talk to Life Line

I really appreciate Life Line

Thanks again Teej - I will give you my thoughts as I have them

Decadian

@Former-Member, I often sing things instead of speaking them. Bit strange!

Hey @plasmo, just saw your post, oh owly one. Had a tech problem with my mobile and got onto telstra chat while I was chatting here then they had to ring me to talk me through the problem. Took all this time. Hope your day and evening was okay.

@plasmo, sounds like that particular thing you were reading might have been stupid day or night. Maybe there's better stuff out there.

@plasmo, I know you probably don't want to give details but I'm curious if you change your mind. In any case, it sounds like a plan to do what you already know.

yeah keep feeling like a dropkick though

@plasmo, sorry I think I misunderstood you. I thought you meant that you might pursue work in one of the areas of your hobbies. Now I think you meant you should just keep living as you have been living. I think you want something more than that and show consistent signs of exploring it, even if it's not immediately turning up answers. If that's the case, I'd keep trying to find something if I was you.