Night Shift

@comet, thanks for understanding.

Good night, everyone!

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@Teej wrote:
@Faith-and-Hope. I discovered the washing basket thing too late but I love the idea of having to buy more. I think that's where I am up to right now as well. I had my first 3 in 25 months but couldn't imagine twins in there too. You must have felt insane some days. 😊💜

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Yep .... that pretty much says it @Former-Member ❣

One of my twins is 'special needs', and I had my mother-in-law and other members of my in-law family throwing marbles under my feet the whole time ..... and a workaholic husband not there to see or understand ..... telling me there must have been some sort of mis-communication ......

I had to sort that mess out quick smart ! I began to work out that I had the power to be frostily polite, give the miminum towards the "relationship" - what they passed for relationships - and only interact with them when I absolutely had to. It made me look like the 'bad guy' for a while, but truth always rises to the surface.

They, my parents-in-law were war-damaged, traumatised as children, and lost critical people and relationships in their lives ...... they were "dragged up" rather than brought up ....... and without the influence of loving parents to guide them, they didn't know how to be in a relationship. What they mistook for relationships were in fact power games, and emotional blackmail, and you-owe-me's ........ They have all come such a long way since then ❣

Yep ...... I had a lot of days when I didn't know which way was up ...... faith and hope kept me going through all the tears, and wondering whether I had made the right choices in life, and having to find myself, or not lose myself, through it all.

And then to have this new drama emerge at this end of my life ...... well ..... it's a new journey, that's for sure !!

Baskets, baby dragons, emotionally AWOL e.d. husband ......

Day by day.

Step by step.

Loving that you guys are here ❣

@comet, still getting to know you, like it when you & @plasmo pop in with your quirky posts that make mr smile.
Glad your psych apt went well.

I agree with you @Faith-and -hope - salted caramel mudcake 🍰 is to die for, yum! My son also loves caramel anything.

@Snuchu, hi, sorry i missed your hi yesterday, still getting to know you. Relieved for you that you don't have appeitite cravings from the 'green' anymore, that makes it easier i guess. Sorry to hear about your involuntary mental health order - i hated having that over my head when they did it to me. How long will it go for? Guess its there more for the 'system' so they can get you rapid help if need be, but you seem to be doing so well. I like reading your posts, all the way from Canada.

@Decadian, good to see you, does the rain affect your spine? does me, rest & paracetamol are enough most days. Pleased about short C'link wait - amazing! I put phone on speaker & do housework. Once i was on hold with C'link for 1.5hrs while waiting at the medical centre - Guess when a real person decided to talk to me? At the exact same time the phlebotomist was drawing blood out of my arm 😕, how rude!

@Former-Member, you sound good, always have something constructive to say, and a bit of humour. Still getting to know you - 3 babies in 2yrs! Yikes! 😨. Trying to cut back on Sugar & salt myself too - not easy. With MH apt - its weird how when ya feeling good they don't quite see it the same way, i get that too, maybe they think its a 'cover' Once in hospital I decided to be honest with them and handed in my secret supply of barbituates among my pocessions - which i thought was a good thing. All hell broke loose, they did a room search 😓& shoved me in high dependency for a week. What the...

@Appleblossom, how did you go today? You ok? Been thinking of you.

@Faith-and-Hope, you have risen above so many challenges. Like the analogy of 'inlaws throwing matbles undet your feet' while new with twins & an absent hubby. I might be wrong but because you have so much love that shines out even here on these pages, i think maybe God plopped you in the middle of that family to bless them. Sounds like your quiet strategies dealing with them are working. Just need to do some prayer warfare for that WH of yours. Have you seen the movie "The Prayer Room" ? Highly recommend that one.

Well, better get some shut eye. I've been very brave here tonight, on the 'night shift' trying to tag everyone, and sound a bit interested & less withdrawn. Really hope i haven't made any unintended stuff ups. Open to correction but please don't cuss me out if I have 😟
Night 🌛

@Faith-and-Hope Don't really know what to say but wow you've done it tough. That's a lot to go through on your own with little support. It's nice to hear your extended family have come a long way. I am in awe.😊💜

I think motherhood was the beginning of my demise but just really gradually. I never really coped with everything and learned to wear masks to hide my inadequacies. I loved my kids and did what I could but I guess slowly over the years I was suffocating. When one of my kids was 16 he was diagnosed with adhd and I began to realise I probably had it too minus the h part. I went to an adult adhd psychiatrist and she agreed I met criteria for it but then had to have psychological testing costing over $1000 which I never could have afforded. My breakdown happened 3 weeks later. I think this was one of the reasons I struggled with motherhood. I was really lucky that through all this the small country school my kids went to helped compensate for my disorganisation and always looked out for my kids. I guess I've found motherhood to often be something I've felt shame for. My kids also missed out on things due to my personality disorders traits, some of which I'm sure I've passed on to varying degrees. On a lighter note my kids have all survived ok until now and are showing signs of success ( youngest maybe not so much yet but time will tell) so hopefully I haven't damaged them too much but I do worry about it. Not really sure why I'm sharing this but maybe it is because I really respect the job you have done and are still doing with yours. 😊💜