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Night Shift

MazaritaSenior Contributor23 Sept 2015, 4:13 am AEST

Night Shift

Since I am awake at 4am I thought I'd start this thread for those of us who have trouble sleeping and might find it helpful to have a place to go to chat. Whatever gets you through the night is alright.

To get the ball rolling, I'll just say that I enjoyed being part of the Topic Tuesday discussion tonight. I wish it was possible for these events to be weekly rather than monthly. Either way, thanks SANE and all the people I've met on here over recent months.

Edited June 2016 and February 2017: Night Shift is now open 24 hours a day. To join in, just click through to the last page of the thread at the top right of this post to get to the latest message.

Edited April 2017 and June 2017: For the sake of better communications between members here, I am adding that this thread is meant to be a caring, kind and gentle place of sharing. Humour is welcome, as long as its not unkindly directed towards other members. Hope your time in this chat thread is rewarding.

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In response to: Night Shift

cometSenior Contributor19 June 2016, 1:08 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Good afternoon @Former-Member. Hope you are travelling well so far today...wasn't expecting a response last night as such. Tough question about an avatar, something to do with nature I guess. I sold a property in a seaside town before I was diagnosed and moved here. I live with daily regret (in hindsight I was un-well when I did so & also drinking & smoking a lot of pot). Now cannot afford to move. My previous relationships were all related to drinking/drugs. My two best friends from high school both died from alcohol & drug issues about 12 years. I had a secure job in Sydney & resigned from in the 90's to raise 1 yr child in the country. That's when I first saw a shrink & the relationship ended amicably. For next 17 yes had excellent relationship with ex & child, until a manic episode partly caused by them and me. They both sent loving texts on my b'day (Aries, both me and ex) this year. Have made two acquaintances in nearly 7 years here. Have had 1 person over for dinner in that time. (He has been travelling with his family for last 6 months & I miss our semi- regular soda water/ cups of tea hook-ups). Day 658 since I had a beer (never drank spirits). My general health is fine. I always get a flu shot. Generally happy alone with cat though I would like a bit of companionship. Haven't been intimate since before bipolar diagnoses when I was in another relationship. No self esteem and much more withdrawn now...sorry for rambling. I have had trouble with psychologists as others have said. Some being even anti-needing medications...psychiatrist who have been seeing for last 3 years every 6 weeks or so is excellent. Had seen 4 previously both public & private. She is by far the best..should of said some psychologists vehmentally against pills. I know I need them!! (My psychiatrist is married to a psychologist)....enough already...have a lovely day teej. Waiting for the east coast low...(its a fine line between saying nothing & over-sharing)

In response to: Re: Night Shift

plasmoSenior Contributor19 June 2016, 2:14 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

hi @Former-Member and everyone. not much happening here, just trying to get motivated to do a few things around the house

In response to: Re: Night Shift

Unknown userMember19 June 2016, 2:35 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Hey @comet,

I'm really sorry you are stuck where you are, I think I will be too if I can find a job in the next 18 months. If I can't get work then I have no idea what my future will be. Well done on day 658. I have never really had an addiction to know how hard it is. I think it's fantastic that you are beating it especially because it seems that you have done it pretty much on your own. I massively admire and respect you for it.

I can imagine that it took you a massive amount of courage to disclose the things in your past. I haven't quite had the courage to do so yet. I think one of the things about being on this forum is that we all seem to get our 'demons' out and in the open fairly quickly. I am still closed on some of mine because to date I am really ashamed and no one else on the forums seem to have any commonality. They are no worse or better than anyone's else's but are just different. Sometimes I feel like a black sheep here but even black sheep need to find somewhere to roam.

My life hasn't gone according to script at all. My ex husband left me for someone else when the kids were 5,4,3, and 8 months old. We haven't spoken for 8 years or more. I leave his relationship up to him and the kids. They've always told me what flight to get on to see him and I make sure they get to the airport as he lives in another state. I think it's really important that the kids have contact with him which they have done until last Christmas where one of my sons had a falling out with him and has chosen not to have anything to do with him for now. My youngest is unsure of that relationship, there is nothing concerning with their father but he plays favourites and a bit of good son/bad son. I'd like him to not end that relationship yet but we will see what happens - it's not my circus😊.

I then had a 13 year relationship with someone which didn't end well. It ended with me trying to take my life then ending up in hospital and a psych ward for 5.5 weeks so not a conventional ending. One day I'll detail the events because nothing was normal about the ending and it is what completely unravelled me. For me it was the perfect storm and I fell off the boat without a life jacket and have been sinking, finding my way to the surface and treading water on repeat for a while.

I really hope that being on here gives you more confidence to meet people. I think I am becoming more confident day by day in this safe space. Chat soon 😊💜

In response to: Re: Night Shift

Unknown userMember19 June 2016, 2:46 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Another typical post. Pick a word to overuse. Today's winner - massive, as well as all the other words I frequently overuse. Feeling self conscious 😁

In response to: Night Shift

Angels333Senior Contributor19 June 2016, 2:52 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Hi @comet

I totally agree about some psychologists being anti medication. I was seeing an atrocious psychologist who did EMDR with me without proper trauma training. It was awful and he retraumstised me. Anyway he explained how to wean off the meds that my psychiatrist put me on, he told me not to see the psychiatrist at all. Anyway I pushed on with him and agreed to disagree about the medicine, but it didn't work out. The difference in our opinion regarding meds was too wide he even said to me "you have put on weight, I bet you don't like that" A very dicey comment from a psychologist considering I was way too thin before meds due to an eating disorder.

Anyway I have been much happier since stopping seeing him. The problem seeing an 'anti-medication psychologist is two pronged; the first being that this person believes he/she can fix people on their own no matter the underlying disorder. And, the second for me was that I was made to feel like I simply didn't want to get better, that I was malingering!

Oh! That is so herd to get out 😞

In response to: Night Shift

ethSenior Contributor19 June 2016, 3:18 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Hi @Former-Member to answer your question from this morning I did a CBT course several years ago and have mostly had mindfulness and talk therapy with the current and previous psychologists. The current one gets me to self-monitor and report back. I was so exhausted when I started with her again this week that I can't remember much of the session. I also have medication from the psychiatrist these days and am compliant with it as I can't risk getting manic to the point of psychosis again (I have bipolar 1). Overall the combination of talk with psychologist and meds from the psychiatrist seems to work fairly well for me, which is why I requested to start seeing them again now after 8 months of not coping as well and only seeing the GP.

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember19 June 2016, 3:22 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

@comet I know there were many things from your post that I didn't comment on. I felt the sadness for them but I see that as your past, not your present or your future. I guess knowing your past helps to know your struggles but it doesn't define you, the you that is here today. Thank you for sharing it 😊💜

In response to: Night Shift

Unknown userMember19 June 2016, 3:31 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Hi @eth. I really wanted to say hi while you are here. I hope you are ok today.

@comet my tag in my last post didn't work for you

In response to: Night Shift

cometSenior Contributor19 June 2016, 3:48 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Dear @Former-Member. I really applaud your honesty, bravery & courage...I really do. "But even black sheep need somewhere to roam." Very, very true teej. Don't feel that your experiences make you the black sheep. We all have different histories which in some way I think we can all relate, understand or empathise with. I'm not expressing what I feel well. We all love you here, and its early days yet in our time here. There is ongoing support, respect & wise words here... Your ex is a bastard, if you don't mind me saying. I think that's a pretty low act!...my ex & I never went to court. For years as a child I was 'forced' to spend time with my father (divorced parents). I hated it so very much & would beg my mother not to go.....to no avail. I was'nt much loved by either. I was the mistake....so when I split with ex I decided to leave it in the child's hands. Ex was supportive. I had regular contact & all went generally well until 2013 when child turned 18 & they were involved in a manic episode with me by telephone only..me delusional, psychotic making too many calls...Anyway......you may have fallen off the boat with no life-jacket, currently treading water, BUT people here & your health team are going to rescue you & help you to get back to firm ground...I truly believe that. I believe in you...thanks for your COURAGE.......more power to you. Sending much-needed hugs your way.

In response to: Re: Night Shift

Unknown userMember19 June 2016, 3:53 pm AEST

Re: Night Shift

Good morning All,

well morning number 2 today - just woke up from my nap.

@Former-Member I love your description: "If your feeling this then do that (DBT) if you are thinking this then do this (CBT)" - I too find it too prescriptive and my biggest issue is, that when I am bad and feel or think a certain way, I often cannot break the cycle on my own to do what they teach me (I have not tried DBT yet). I got very distressed with labels at the beginning - the amount of times I was shocked, that someone suggested, that not everyone in the world felt the way I did, as intense or as black and white, or reacted as drastically as me... I really think that is what I hated most at the beginning. I am highly functional and people around me, like my hubby or best friend, are used to the weird bits about me and fully accommodate them.

Regarding my list... well it is 3:40pm and I have not started on it. I did have a good day though and did other things I enjoyed doing more. That's ok, I don't beat myself up anymore. There is only one thing on there which is non negotiable and that is watering my flowers on the veranda, because I forgot that last week and they look desperate now.

Hello @plasmo, nice to see you here. How about sitting down and have a nice cup of tea or coffee and then put some music on and do one of the things around the house you wanted to do? I've just had my cuppa and will put my head phones on and water the flowers 🙂

@Angels333 that psychologist sounds awful! I'm sorry you had to get someone so bad.

@ethI find it so unfair that for people who really need the support, like you having talk therapy and meds, the medical system puts so many barriers up. What can you achieve with the handful of sessions you get from Medicare every year? I hope the exhaustion leaves you soon, I know what you mean by not remembering what the session was about and I hope you can sort out continued support.

Okay, I will put my headphones on now and get one thing of my to do list done!

Have a great evening all and maybe see you later.

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