Night Shift

Thanks @Former-Member. I find you very inspiring in the way you respond to other people's posts. What you write seems to reveal a wonderfully thoughtful and interesting person. If I met you in real life I'd want to invite you for a coffee (if i could muster the courage to do that). Thanks for your vote of confidence on me getting my life together. It isn't too bad these days overall but I do still have a fair few ups and downs behind the scenes of the forum. Most of my appointments this week are medical or therapy based so I don't yet feel like I have much of a social network aside from my partner. Even there, we have an unusual relationship in some ways, very independent minded and also financially. We are more like companions and best friends than lovers (that's rare). Giving up the tobacco is going slowly, not managing to reduce much at the moment but at least it's sitting stable at an average of 6 a day. However, I have health problems that are smoking related so I really shouldn't be doing it at all. I worry about it a fair bit, which is a bit self defeating as worrying makes me want to smoke. I do see the psychiatrist as an outpatient but at a private clinic so to me that's no different to seeing him privately. I do often post what's on the tip of my tongue too.

p.s. I was thinking a bit about your Phams worker happening in the soonish future. It might help the process if you started doing some net searches about what sorts of activities you might like to engage with. For me, the most beneficial ones have been structured group activities, like ukelele class, hydrotherapy, women's group.

Heading back to bed now to catch up on some of the missed sleep last night. Thanks so much for the chat, @Former-Member. Hope your day goes smoothly and you manage some of the things you would like to get done.

G'night @Mazarita, if I haven't missed you .....

We've played tag-team overnight 😊

Thanks @Mazarita , I definitely accept a coffee invitation ( personally I'd struggle to muster the courage to ask too) . It's lovely to hear about your partner. I think best friends is the most important part of any relationship. It's great that you have stabilised at 6. I'm sure that when you are feeling more able you will go the next step towards quitting.

I am hoping to work towards volunteering with my phams worker. I'm not sure what I'll do for the first steps but that is my goal. I know I have to start a new life for myself but I still have no idea what that looks like.

As far as my support networks go it's still complicated. My parents are there for me but don't always get it right with support, often make it worse. I have my best friend who is amazing. She is a bit of a superwoman, we are a bit of the odd couple really but have been friends for 30 years. She has her husband, children and father to care for plus a fairly high powered leadership job and many friends but she always finds time for me for which I am eternally grateful. She phone checks in on me on her way home from work at least once a week.

thanks for the chat. I hope your day goes well. I suspect you'll be asleep by the time you receive this. Had a phone call in between from my son. 😊💜

Hi @Faith-and-Hope. How did last night go? I was thinking of you. I may not be around to reply straight away but am sure to be later.

@Mazarita you make me smile with understanding: "I have been treated with techniques from CBT and DBT" - that sounds so much like myself, as if it is not our choice, they make us do it. Apart from bipolar I deal with complex PTSD (I guess they go hand in hand). I've talked a lot to ASCA (or now Blueknot) and have a learnt a lot in those discussions about what is important for in trauma recovery. There is a book 8 steps of safe trauma recovery (or something like that) and it emphasises often, that we should be supported by our psychiatrist/GP to help us understand and agree to the right form of therapy and also to help understand that it is a long process and it might take a long time to find the right fit. My GP actually did a great job in patiently and again and again explaining to me that unfortunately it is not a straight road, there is no blood test he can do and sometimes he is as lost as I am. Sometimes I accept that it's not an easy job for the psychiatrist / psychologist, but I can also be a pest and question everything and I have also been very very angry in sessions before (I contain my anger and get very distant and quiet).

ACT is Acceptance and Commitment therapy - I did not get very far...

I hope you still got some sleep this morning!

@Former-Member I follow a lot of the writings from @Silenus and gives me hope to one day be medication free - at the moment I do agree that I need to take meds (well sometimes). Do you do schema and ACT with your psychologist? How often do you meet?

I have 9 things on my to-do list (4 little things in the kitchen, 2 things in the laundry, write a one pager for work, watering my flowers and calling my Mom) and apart from that I just want to chill. I don't make plans for the weekends anymore, I just want to relax. And if there are left overs from my 9 mini tasks today, I don't care anymore - and there normally are...

I've just looked up what a PHAM is and I guess it is similar to what I call social worker. I don't actually know the correct title for the support I am receiving. I hope for you that you will go up that list very quickly now, they are so important.

@Mazarita and @Former-Member can I join your coffee club? I have seen so many parrallels between your conversation.

Good morning @Faith-and-Hope

I'm gonna start tackling my monster to-do list and get out of my pjs before its time for my lunch time nap 🙂

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@Faith-and-Hope wrote:

Short answer - good.

Long answer -

Just home from a school event with D3. She had a great time .... dropped all the school anxiety for one night and really let her hair down. She was just one of the crowd, instead of the bird with the broken wing .... ❣

D2 hung out with married big bro (S1) and wife (d.i.l.) for the night, donned her onesie and watched movies with take-away Chinese .... all good there ❣

D1 was out and about with her fiancé and family, came home really late, so she was letting her hair down too ❣

WH is back home later this week. He's pretty stable at the moment, but still on borrowed time.

I think tonight has been a good healing time for D1 - 3 ...... fresh wind in their sails ........ 😊

💜

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Hi @Former-Member 😊

I have re-posted a reply I gave last night (too far back to go thru for you) cos I think it says it all in a (rather over-sized !) nutshell .....

I am on the run today, but will check in at some point.

🌷

Morning @comet. I'm sorry I was too tired to respond to your post last night. Thanks for the compliment regarding the avatar image. I had a heap to chose from. I have a bit of an aurora (northern and southern lights) obsession but thought that may be a slight give away. I would love to be at a place like this, it's fantastic it sparked a fond memory of a familiar place for you. This photo seems so totally enchanting and almost surreal. I would loved to have been able to sit there on this night in my chair drinking a glass of wine and absorbing the imagery.

i totally agree that 30 min is not long enough especially if you are working well with someone. How often do you get to see your psychiatrist?

I hoped you had a restful night. Have you any plans for the day? Have you thought about what image you would post as an avatar?

Hi @Former-Member,

I see my therapist once a week currently occasionally fortnightly. She is a clinical social worker ( which means she has a masters and is at the same professional level as a clinical psychologist I think) and she is very professional keeping up to date with the therapies she works with. She has trained to the highest level in schema therapy so I am very lucky to have her. I guess I am enjoying schema therapy more because it isn't so prescribed ie. If your feeling this then do that (DBT) if you are thinking this then do this (CBT). There are still some elements but there is more room I think for working out why first you are feeling, thinking this?? and then working out how to change it. Much of it takes you back to childhood ways that you learned to cope or adapt to things and then you can work out different ways of dealing with things. I find it less prescribed. I also think that the way therapy is delivered probably really effects how we deal with it too. I am very much a why person so this therapy also helps answer all my questions. She only incorporates a few mindfulness things really as far as ACT, she is a big Russ Harris fan. I'm sure not everyone would like schema therapy as there are some activities that take me right out my comfort zone. Like all therapies there is a range of planned activities in this therapy. I really think everyone is so different sometimes it just takes trying a few therapies and therapists until you've found the one that works best for you.

Ive always been inclusive so I'd love you to join with @Mazarita and I for coffee. I think it would be so interesting to use our voices not out fingers to converse. I'm sure in real life I'd get so tongue tied.😜 😊💜

Hi @Faith-and-Hope im sorry I missed that post. Thank goodness for copy and paste. I'm so sorry that I forgot you were of on the plane today for the art competition. I wish you well and hope (by the time you read this it will be hoped) that you have a lovely and successful trip. 😊💜

PS @Former-Member. I hope you're getting through your list today. Mine - well not going so well in that I've done nothing on my list but I did pick my son up, grabbed some emergency supplies and cooked him a big breakfast. I need to get off my bum and do some things now. I hope your day is relaxing😊💜