Night Shift

Hi @Mazarita 😊

Just back in with my feet up for a little while .....

How are you going ?

I saw your other post this morning, but didn't respond in that moment. It sounds like a good idea just to be able to have the thread as a sounding board. Things might come back clearer to us when they're written down and re-read, particularly with a receptive audience in mind ..... lovely that you can always edit it too if you feel like it at any time.

💜

Hi @Faith-and-Hope,

Sorry, wandered off for a bit when no-one answered immediately. Thanks for your response and to my post on the other thread. Yes, I get into reflective moods sometimes and need to get out something of an inner monologue. I don't find the motivation to do it without putting it out there, with the possibility that someone might read and relate.

I'm a bit down so far today, maybe more than a bit down really. Had sad dreams about my mum rejecting me (which she has never really done) and then another to do with speaking with a catholic priest about this in a way that was not at all satisfying. I was brought up catholic and mum still is of that faith but I left it a long time ago. Probably processing something deep that I can't fully access consciously.

Also haven't been out of the flat for three days and it's not looking likely for the rest of the day. Didn't make it out to my planned activity for the day. Far behind in the showering stakes. I guess you could say I'm struggling a fair bit. One of the odd things I like to think about my bipolar, though, is that at least there's the likelihood that the mood will swing around again, hopefully fairly quickly, maybe even by later tonight. It's not at all unusual for that to happen in a single day.

Meantime I've started another video project to distract myself from the waiting game on the one I've recently completed. Was doing that in between posts here.

Glad to hear you are kicking back with your feet up for a little while. Hope your day has been a lot better than mine so far.

I have been resting most of the day @Mazarita. Just drove my son to the station.

I have been wondering about Karen, Peppi Patty and @Jacques. At least @PeppiPatty has said she has a positive project to do with her therapist .. so she may be just good-busy.

Since @hiddenite stopped posting early may ... @Jacques has been posting less.

Whatever you are doing @Jacques remember that you made a positive impact here. Hope the family situation re your aunt is resolving .. find a way to care for yourself too.

I am sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down today @Mazarita, but it is probably more common than you realise for people who don't have the struggles of bipolar to contend with. That is not in any way intended to minimise what you manage with - just letting you know that others too have mood swings as the general run of things, and it can last for days as well. It may at times be vitamin or mineral linked, or hormonal, or whatever ...... at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter.

What matters, and this is just a personal opinion, is that you respect yourself amidst the cycles and ups and downs, which it sounds like you are. Just in saying, "Okay, this was supposed to be a get-out-of-the-flat day, but it hasn't turned out that way ..... guess we can pop a plot change in here ..... and now we're on a stay-in-the-flat day !" It might just be because I sort of have to do that every day myself. I am dealing with so many variables, I have had to learn to be flexible where they can't carry through for whatever reason, and often quite suddenly.

That doesn't mean you are giving way on consistency though, so no guilt about that if you can help it ......

I have some special words that I keep like a bit of a treasure box. Here are some of them -

contingency

authenticity

integrity

perseverance

compassion

They are like goal posts, or sign posts, or something along those lines. I check back with them to help me find my way when things are getting a bit muddled, or getting me down.

I hope this helps ❤️

Dashing out out for a bit now ....

I didnt mean to ignore your downness @Mazarita. I kind of wrote to that replying to your "writing as therapy" post. I also take consolation from the fact that my moods change .. and so can live in hope that my mood and my life may improve.

@Faith-and-Hope you are an inspration. Though, I could not physically cope with the busyness and intensity of older teens .. it is heartening to read your posts.

@Faith-and-Hope, thanks for your words. I do of course know that most people experience ups and downs in their days. But perhaps not as extremely as with bipolar. I usually minimise what I am going through really and I do accept the changes in the days, whether going out or staying in. But it still doesn't stop the days in from bringing me down at times. Sometimes, as with today, I feel I just have to admit to that and accept it without feeling the need to change it or be more positive for the time being. I do appreciate your care so much though.

@Appleblossom, I too have been wondering about our old forum friends and where some have disappeared to. Do you have any idea why Karen stopped posting? That thread of conversation she had with Jacques went on for so long and seemed to offer so much daily companionship between them. Perhaps they have found a way to have private contact without needing to put it all out there on the forum. I wish them both well always. Oh, I just read your latest post to me. I didn't feel you were ignoring my down-ness at all, my dear.

@MazaritaI had a secret hope that they did find a way to contact each other .. but not sure .. it may have to remain a mystery ... unless they let us know. I am going to sign off and do a few things.

For so long you were focussed on getting out .. and you have conquered many issues in the last year .. but maybe its good to just be at home too.

@Appleblossom, yes, time for me to sign off too for now. Enjoy the rest of your day as much as possible, Bella.

Hi @Appleblossom,

I am so sorry, i am still reading posts, but yes you are right, i am posting a lot less, i am struggling badly with helping two friends with suicide, my mental health has slipped a lot, i am struggling to keep them safe and struggling with having to be in contact with them on a daily basis, i have not had friends in such a long time and i am really struggling with the stress of it all.

To top it off i found out one of my friends children have been able to see all our messages, i am so devastated, i think i have sorted it out, but i am so worried about ramifications of what was said.

My aunt is causing ongoing problems, she is at the house a lot and i struggle to deal with the increased activity here.

Things seem to be falling apart for me, i am in way over my head and struggling to cope. my anxiety is so high.

Thank you so much for thinking about me @Appleblossom, it is so touching you still think of me, i hope things are going well for you and your son, i think of you often, i am so glad your life seems to be comming together.

I have missed everyone here, Im just struggling on.

take care @Appleblossom and all my forumite friends, i will try to join friday night feast tonight.

Jacques

So glad to hear back from you @Jacques, but sorry too to hear how difficult it all is for you at the moment. Keep believing that it will work out in the longer term, and please do join the Friday Feast tonight. You really need to have the emotional support you deserve to keep you up and going.

We think of you even when you are not posting, and send giant hugs your way.

Please keep up communications with Lifeline too, so the dynamic that is flowing on to you from your friends also flows on from you to people who can support you. Think of us all hauling on the line along with you to try to land this thing !!

🐠🐠🐠 ..... !!!

Big hugs ❣

❤️❤️❤️ ..... !!!