Night Shift

@eth, still, what you did in the garden is more than I have done in a garden for decades probably. The last 'garden' I had was a potted maidenhair fern. I did manage to keep it flourishing though, lovely creature that it was. It ended up in someone else's garden when I moved. I think your response on the other thread was very appropriate and helpful.

Hi @Mazarita

I am so groggy this morning, really dazed and slow. I am on only 1 anti depressant and that's it.

I suffer from GAD which is at the moment high because of my stresses. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep telling my psych that I am emotonal all the time. Maybe i need to tell him again and even about the self harming last night.

so exhausted.

It does feel sometimes like a yo yo - feeling really really down and depressed to then feeling okay for only a short time and then back down to that dark deep hole again.

I don't know I think i will call my psych tomorrow and speak to him. let him know what happened last night.

thanks for caring xxxooo

@Mazarita could i be feeling groggy from the sleeping tablets? do you think? I am sure that last night while chatting to Lifeline I had dissociated for a little while and that's when i self harmed. it's okay it was nothing really bad. i need to talk to a moderator, not sure who is on. Does anyone know??

Thinking of you and sending warm wishes @BlueBay. I think telling your psych about what happened last night is a very good idea. Be brave. Between the SH and the sleeping tablets that could easily make you groggy today, as well as just the after effects of all the emotion. It's no wonder things are hard for you at the moment. Anniversaries, like you wrote in your poem yesterday about your mother, can be the hardest time of year.

If you tag @NikNik @CherryBomb @Former-Member (these are the only ones whose names I know) then whoever is on now will usually get back to you.

@BlueBay, I too was on an anti-depressant alone when I was in the emotional storm I was describing. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with bipolar and given both a mood stabiliser and an anti-psychotic that the tears and rollercoaster moods eased. I think it is definitely worth talking to your psychiatrist about your self harming. Although these are things that are very hard to talk about with them, I've always felt it a relief to lay things on the table. I've also been helped more when I've done that. Family life must be very tough with you in these painful states of being so often. Once my rollercoasting moods improved, my relationship improved out of sight too. The trouble for our partners is that, seeing us so unhappy so much of the time, they often feel guilty, as though they have caused all the pain, even when that is not true. This can create resentment and numbness to our pain in them. Then it becomes a vicious cycle where they are actually contributing to our pain. It might also be worth mentioning to your psychiatrist that you feel like a yoyo emotionally and that this is taking a toll on your family life. Asking them about other forms of medication that might help you could also be worth trying too. Kind wishes and thanks for taking my suggestions well.

@BlueBay

I care

I don't know what GAD is - I am learning a lot of different terminology here - it took me days to figure out what MI is - but I am getting with the shorthand here

It's not good that you have self-harmed again - but really good that you have told us - I am sorry about that

This is me wondering - after my son died I kept squashing my fingers in a drawer - I had to have surgery after my car accident so I asked the nurses why I was doing this - and they told me that I was trying to block the emotional pain by making my body hurt - is this what you are doing? I really understand that

I was meant to catch this post - I was - I only turned my computer on moments ago and you had posted this only 5 minutes before I read it - and I have no idea what to suggest except that your self-harm is telling the universe that you are in serious pain - and if you can see blood or bruises then it makes the burden you are carrying seem less - easier - I think

Yes - you should tell your psyche - we see these people and it is a good idea to keep those in our team aware of our worst moments -

On Friday I told my GP I was going through a bad patch - it seemed like forever but when I look back it was on Thursday afternoon I think when I started to feel stressed out and it was all over yesterday - but still - there are mornings when I find the sunshine hurts and the mornings are the worst and I wish it would all stop too

But rest today and let your psyche know tomorrow - first thing - because I know how bad you feel at work - and I will be thinking of you

Take care of yourselff - keep warm, sleep for a while if you can and wait - this will not last forever - I know this for a fact

Decadian