Night Shift

Night @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @eth and @Mazarita

I am ok. Finally spoke with the Royal Commission today after weeks of phone tag. The upshot of it all is that I have a year before I meet with them. They will consider my father's story but it is only my story that will be the official claim. All the legalese about what criteria is appropriate to the terms of reference. It is actually good as I have only just figured out my sexualt assault issue, so a year of counselling will help me sort through it all.

I did get a bit psycho for 30 mins after dropping my son at busking .. I had been meaning to go shopping but was not well .. thought some piano might calm me down but became agitated and angry went through all my weirding ways in about 30 minutes. Then thought "cant go there" better cook dinner .. so made chicken, vegies and butter beans with korma. Had the phone call with RC. I think it was an outlet of my having time at home alone .. maybe the 24/7 is getting to me.

It was a very full day as had the Carers movie in the morning and caught the train etc.

Nothing for you to say sorry about @Mazarita. I think it could turn out in the long run to be a good thing that sometimes the chats on the forums have me remembering chunks of my past. It's all part of re-integrating myself and being all of who I am in a healthy way (hopefully) in future, not having locked down 90% of the past just to get through each day now. And I will add it to the list of things to talk about when I get to the psychologist.

@eth my other language / culture is Greek !!!! I have had a secret smile at the warm generosity of your lovely Greek neighbour. It is so inherent in the culture, so familiar to me.

There are sooooo many cross-overs on this forum, it's almost beyond belief. And there's @Snuchu popping up from Canada, my birth country. ...... unbelievable !!

Becoming bilingual was a joy for me, until we returned from living in Greece to massive issues with D3 when she landed in the school system here, based on a glitch in our mostly-monolingual understanding of language development and early intervention screening of young children ..... remember that comment I made about busting negative cycles a moment ago ? Well D3 and I took a real hiding for three years while everyone else involved came to terms with the fact that cross-over dialects that assist children to transition between languages are not "disfubpnctional language development", and the current mode of assessment in incompatible with English based dialects (syntax of one language + vocabulary of the other one = totally misleading results).

Whoa ....... sorry ..... copped an earful there, didn't cha'all ....... ?! It cost a lot of blood, sweat, and bucket loads of tears at the time, and a crushed self confidence in D3 as she and I stood in the way of an educater's proogram that included un-bilingualising children based on this preposition. Very sad with long-reaching consequences, but we retained our family bilingualism, and broke through that erroneous and distructive system in the process.

Wow @Appleblossom you have had a full-on day. That dinner sounds yummy.

It could be a good thing that you have a year to prepare for the Royal Commission by the sounds of things. Do you have a good counsellor now?

What do you mean by 'the 24/7' that's getting to you?

Good on you for sticking to your principles @Faith-and-Hope and sticking up for D3.

@Appleblossom, glad you got onto the Royal Commission today. Sounds like it's good that it's a year away before meeting with them, for the counselling and emotional preparation. You seem to have quite a lot of very full days really from what I read of you, whether it's cooking and caring for son, or piano or going out to events. The occasional melt down is okay, especially if you can cycle through it in 30 minutes (as painful as that time might have been)!

@eth, actually I have been feeling bad that you brought up that terrible dream last night, which seemed related to your traumas, and then I just rabbited on about my own dream. I don't think I knew how to respond to such an awful dream space for you and probably still don't. I've had some awful dreams in the past, usually related to vampires, strangely enough, but the kind of dream you describe, not really. The forums can be really helpful at times but sometimes our level of life experience limits our ability to be of assistance. So, yes, I am sorry about that. Glad on the other hand to hear that revisiting the past may to some degree be helping you to reintegrate experiences and perhaps move on. And that all this may be helpful to you with your psychologist sessions later.

Really it's ok @Mazarita. I asked about your dream coz mine was too full on to talk about more than I had already.

It's no wonder we don't sleep regularly is it!?

Hi @Appleblossom

I have been thinking of you a lot and sending hugs your way. Sounds very intense and confronting, but you also sound determined and focussed. Wishing you courage and strength, and the gentlest ride possible through these rapids.

@eth despite the bitter-sweet memories, those waterfalls, rainforest, and Cedar trees sound dream-like amazing. Do you have the "bush-sounds" type music recorded ? They used to sell CD's like that in the post offices. Playing that in the background might help you process some emotive memories very gently without having to bring them into your full consciousness. Perhaps a question for the psychologist ?

Trying again to head off to sleep ......

G'night all.

Thanks, @eth. Yes, it's not so surprising about the sleep issues given what comes up there at times.

Goodnight, @Faith-and-Hope. Hope tomorrow is a smoother day for everyone at your place.

Thanks for that suggestion @Faith-and-Hope. Goodnight again 🙂

@Mazarita I slept late this morning and then had a very deep sleep in the afternoon so I'm still feeling quite fresh.