Night Shift

@Snuchu I finally gave up the green a few years ago after many years of being chronic with it. For a few reasons but the main reason was I felt I couldn't take any chances that it was contributing to my bipolar swings, particularly the manic periods. It would reduce anxiety temporarily but was ruling my life and causing more anxiety in several other ways too. The money, the hunt for it, the fear people would realise I was on it to name a few. I manage so much better now that I am off it.

Well, there's one identified delusion I have and that's the replaceds, and that delusion has been with me for a year or more now.
(Replaceds are hybrid alien/demon agents from the secret government.)

I've progressed with the delusion well because my nurse said I can understand that replaceds I see CAN be fake, and when people tell me it's not real, I understand that but I still do know replaceds exist.

However, @eth, I was suicidal last night so I'm sure I spoke about something that was off.

Wow @Snuchu it must be really scary for you sometimes. And especially last night. Are you still staying with your parents?

Yeah, @eth, I'm still frazzled and depressed. I'm not at my parents because they had to work, so I'm at my apartment but it's okay because I'm chatting with friends online.

I smoke the green daily and several times a day... per the hour. I barely get high anymore, but the anxiety subsides and I sleep a bit more. It's also a known antipsychotic, but I don't know if it's working in that way. At the very least it's not worsening the psychosis, but I think the fact I'm psychologically dependent on it is bad.

It's good that you have friends you trust online @Snuchu. There are different schools of thought on the use of green with MH but everyone has to make their own choices there. For me it no longer was helpful. And once I stopped self-medicating with it I was able to see other issues more clearly instead of my whole life revolving around it. I am better off without most of the people it was exposing me to as well because a lot of times the places I got it from there was a lot of other stuff going on that was clearly not ok. Australia is only just beginning to look at legalising it for medicinal use unlike a lot of states in the USA.

@eth, yeah... I would try to quit, but I'm so scared how I wouldn't have any crutches to rely on.

And well, the few times I stopped, I got restless, nausasted, didn't sleep at all, and went psychotic and manic.

Please don't think I'm telling you what to do @Snuchu. I used it from my late teens sometimes and then chronically from age 21 or so until I was 50. I absolutely don't judge anyone for doing it. I was just sharing how it was for me over the last several years of doing it and since. I hope I didn't seem to be preaching, it was not my intention and I'm sorry if that's how it seemed. We all manage in different ways.

Oh, @eth, no, I didn't mean that I was thinking that you were telling me what to do, I was trying to quit before you ever said that, haha. Right now, I'm not gonna quit, but it's an option.

I'm glad you didn't take it that way @Snuchu

So, @eth, you planning to sleep or just push it through the day?