Night Shift

Thank you @Mazarita

I am ok with it .... I think .lol...... it is better to get honest but empathic feedback than to live in a vacuum.

Another problem is that I can often agree with someone and then realise later that I have an adverse reaction ... that is hard on people trying to relate to me .... so sorry if that ever crops up ....but that seems to be reducing and my responses and reactions are more in real time now.

It still seems like a long time between sessions but I have reduced the expectations on myself ...

I even gave an apology to an extra rehearsal that I didnt think necessary ... It is usually 2-3 hours of travelling for my choir.

@Appleblossom I understand ambivalence very well and am a bit paranoid as well. Sometimes makes for an interesting experience on the forum, lol. I don't know if my reactions are in real time or not to be honest. I do take a while composing responses. I hope I'm real enough though. I'm being more honest about things here than I am to most people in real life.

I have tried the polite and listening and encouraging without putting in my own emotional stuff ... but often others dont like that when they sense that there is a lot going on underneath ... its hard to get the balance right to share a little .. and not dump too much ... anyway I have struggled with those issues a lot.

And also being secretive or too revealing .... so I decided when joining the forum that I was just going to put my story on the table ...

I think putting in our own emotional stuff is part of the peer support process. We are all struggling together. The things I mainly like about the forum are the companionship, mutual understanding of MI, opportunity to share my own struggles and little victories, and support where I may have something to offer. I don't have any particular expectations of what will be said here, that goes in all directions depending on what is on our minds.

I find reading other's dialogues as interesting as direct posting and responses to me. Though it is nice when it becomes companionable like now.

Yay for companionship. I don't get across everything but I like reading other's posts too.

On a total tangent, I checked the clock just as I was starting this post and it said 11:11. I see that a lot. In a more manic state I used to read mystical things into it. I don't do that mystical trip on it these days but it is one of those odd things that has happened a fair bit over time. I'm sure there is a good skeptics take on it too.

My computer will read 12.22 in a minute ...

Interpretation is the main thing ... and what it means to you ... is a co-incidence affirming or a finger wagging you to bed ...

@eth must have gone to bed ... I really enjoyed our conversation as different things come out ...

I think I will try for bed soon.

I guess I had too much on my mind and got sick of people being "knowing" and raising eyebrows about it ... which is why I though I had something weird stampted on forehead ... I have too many wrinkes as if I think too much ... but then what is inappropriate ruminating and appropriate reflecting ....

as if I should feel guilty as if stuff on one's mind is always about guilt.

Now I take mysticism with a grain of salt ... but am inspired to think about people trying to be good... as opposed to shrugging things off or not even trying.

11:11 doesn't scare me into bed quite yet. At the moment I'm just trying to get there before midnight as much as I can. Coincidences? These days I think they inject a bit of a magic feeling into life and I find that affirming in some way that I don't need to understand or really decide on for or against. I'm not sure what is inappropriate ruminating versus appropriate reflection either and I understand how you might rebel against having to feel guilty for one's own thoughts. I'm sure I've felt the same way at some point. Ah, but these questions are hard to answer so they can wait. Hope you get a great sleep tonight, @Appleblossom. Cheers!

@Mazarita@Appleblossom sorry I disappeared but I was feeling unwell and had to go lie down and fell asleep. Anyone still up?

I saw you talking about the time earlier. My child was born at 13:13 pm and even 27 years later it's amazing how often I look at the clock and it says that.

Only just after midnight here. You may all be asleep.

Yep, still up @eth, for a little while longer. Sorry you were feeling unwell today. Hope you feel a bit better for the sleep. Interesting about the 13:13 time with your child and the way you keep seeing it. How was today after we last chatted? I had a good session with the psychologist and tomorrow start cutting back on the smokes.