Night Shift

Hi @Jacques,

I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time at the moment.

I just wanted to check in to see if you are feeling safe at the moment and what you are doing to keep yourself safe today?

All the best,
supernova.

@Jacques Wow, Jacques - there is always a way through. Try online or phone counseling and/or writing stuff down and/or appealing to the divine. We're here for you when you have done this self-nurturing and want to come back to the site. Best wishes always and god bless. Terry x 🙂

@Jacques you might have to do some fairly intensive self-nurturing today, Jacques - get onto that fone and/or online counseling service and/or write it down, and don't forget to appeal to the divine for help too. There is always a way through - keep talking, writing, appealing until you start to feel better. I'm ducking out now but will be back online shortly. We all love you, Jacques and are here for you. Catch you soon and don't forget to let us know if/how we can help you online. Back shortly. Terry x 🙂

@Jacques how are you?

i was going to post this earlier on but needed to edit it - i hope it helps:

"if you're having bad urges, my advice is to write about it (writing is healing and cathartic) and/or do something like burst balloons with an object until you feel better, maybe dance frenetically, or distract. I hope this advice helps you - my guess is that you need an outlet in some way. Or perhaps some volunteer work could take up some energy. Best wishes "

worried about you, Jacques. How are you?

@Jacques IMHO There is nothing wrong with the way you talk to people.

It is difficult when lack of awareness stops others from being mindful about the oppositional or hamfisted nature of their verbal style.

Stay safe.

Sorry @Former-Member if I posted without filtering out my negative association or thinking of your situation. Mods made me aware ... thanks mods. I know you were just being chatty and unkowingly I was triggered.

For me it is far from exciting .. buying an oven is painful and necessary. It has been seriously implicated in SI for me ... more a way of putting it off ... "I'll do it when my taxes are done and my oven is clean". Part of my resent about all the millions of digs I have had by supposedly nice respectable people over the years. Both are up to date. Maybe I have to change my way of thinking but it is how I got though the last 15 years on my own. Deferral.

I will take my time with it .. we have managed without for so long ... I FELT safer that way, but to sell house we have to fix or replace it and its not worth fixing.

... $900 for replacement and $530 for installation.

The electrician who fixed my lamp put a grey extension cord on it which looks ugly and charged me $30 for it .. but I didnt have the heart to refuse him .. I am feeling exhausted because he started to talk and i encouraged him .. but then it was hard to move him on ... I am getting better ... I only waited 15-20 minutes before moving around and making gestures.

Yesterday at doctor's office I was told to wait for something to be signed ... waited a while ... found out doctor had left for the day ... glad I queried reception ... ah ah ... other people, even professionals, have lots of communication problems ...

Anyway I am getting less patient ... and it is a good thing.

Maybe I can learn to let go of suicide as a way of getting close with my brother and sister and let go my past and live more fully in the present.

It is so much loss that I have experienced ... maybe there is a possibility of a decent life for me ... we will see.

Hi @Terry,

Thank you for your concern, i have been tryign to write about it, i have been sleeping a lot to make the days go quicker, i wish i could be out in public, but volenteering is just something i can't do.

I am ok, i need to just manage these thoughts till they pass.

you are so kind, thank you @Terry.

@Appleblossom, thank you my friend, you always know how to keep me on the right track.

sorry guys not feeling up to chatting.

take care

Jacques

Hello @Jacques, it is raining up here , no mowing today , did some cleaning this morning , went to the doctor , now I have ¬Chicken in a bag¬ and veges cooking in the oven

Oh @Jacques, how are you today ?? have been thinking of you ??

sounds like you have had a nice relaxing day @Shaz51, i bet hubby is happy for a break?

Oooh chicken my favourite, hope you enjoy your dinner.

i have been struggling @Shaz51, fighting some bad daemons, i wish i could let go, but i know i can't.

It makes me so sad to know i am going to live the rest of my life like i have the past 15 years, so sad i hhave never had any enjoyment in my life, just fear and dred.

I see so many people happy, so many people living life and i can't. sorry i should not be on here tonight, moderators if this is too much please remove it 😞

Hope you have a lovely night @Shaz51, thank you for thinking of me. take care

Jacques

Oh my @Jacques, i bet hubby is happy for a break --- no , he has been upset all afternoon because he could not mow any lawns and he is worried that he won`t fit them all in now

oh My @Jacques, please think one day at a time , do little things you like doing my friend , don`t look at what other people are doing -- ( we don`t know what problems they have )

, take care ,