Night Shift

S4 starts TAFE tomorrow @Faith-and-Hope, he has to be on the bus at 7:00am. I'm hoping he'll go ok. I'm a bit anxious as everything will come back to normal now his holidays are over. My dog is having a holiday at my parents so I could have that complete break I would have had in hospital. The respite has helped and not being responsible for much in the past week. But life will go on and I'll have to adjust again in the next few days.

It sounds like D3 is doing well to get it finished. I would love to try mosaics one day. I'm kind of frustrated I still won't get to do the art this term either as it clashes with my therapy appointments. Next week I start a fitness class through the community mental health service I attend and I will continue the mindfulness classes.

Im sorry @Former-Member I missed you tonight. I had dinner at my parents and didn't get home until late. I hope you've had a good day.

@Former-Member been thinking of you too. I hope you are ok.

Sending hugs to all💜😊🤗💐

Woohoo @Kurra. That's great to hear. It puts a smile on my dial that things are going well for you, I'm really happy for you 💜😊🤗💐

You will get there @Former-Member .... 💗🌷

iItUu uj js a learning curve, but we all take time to learn to co-ordinate a new set of circumstances and the change in mindset that goes with that ..... you have had some greater challenges but the principles are the same, and some of it is about learning to trust yourself to step up when you need to I am guessing ..... learning to flex some psychological muscle .... just keep going with the baby steps ,... and try to find moments when you enjoy the process .....

Learning to attach positive feelings to your achievements is likely part of the recovery .... it's something the school counsellor has emphasised in relation to D3 .... she has experienced so many negative emotional responses .... now she needs to build the counter-weigh effect of carrying positive emotional reactions .... and allowing that to be the drawcard to motivate her in positive ways.

I hope that helps you too ....

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Sorry for the ramble @Faith-and-Hope. Think I'm having an 'it's all about me day' I guess I have a lot on my mind and it's coming out in an increased intensity with things. So with that me thinks it's time to sign off.

Goodnight whoever is around 💤😴💤

Man your good @Faith-and-Hope😉 What you just wrote is some of what's in my head. It feels like I have to learn to deal with positives at the moment. I self destructed last night after over analysing the night which was stupid. Didn't sleep until 5:30 am stressing over a night that went well for the most part - who does that. At one stage I thought I'd have to call a crisis line. Anyway I know you are on the money for much of what you wrote but I don't see it until after the fact. I have no radar it seems to help guide me until it's passed or too late. Now Ive definately rambled enough. I hope you get some good sleep. Chat soon no doubt 💜😊💐🤗

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@Former-Member ... you're probably not as far off the mark as you think you are .... we can learn a lot about trusting in the moment through hindsight .....

You may find yourself starting to think ..... "Okay .... last time I was in this place with things I realised I ought to have xyz .... so even though I'm not exactly sure about this, I will try doing xyz and see if it helps me this time ...."

Thats what working from faith is about .... but it takes practice with trial and error being part of the equation.

You don't have to answer this .... but do you have a perfectionist streak ? My kids struggle with fear of failure. You may have been struggling with the successes of last night because you can't work out what you did to contribute to making it work out, so therefore don't know what to re-apply next time .... when in fact you were trusting yourself in the moment and just responding comfortably and naturally .... and you can do that next time too .... and here's the critical part .... by trusting yourself .... ❣

Goodnight ..... and let yourself rest ..... it's not only okay to do that .... it's necessary for healing .... and it's okay to heal .... give yourself permission to heal @Former-Member .... it's not forbidden fruit ....

Big hugs .... 💗💜💗💕

@Former-Member .... I hope I haven't trespassed with any of those thoughts .... 💕

No @Faith-and-Hope im quite capable of taking myself there on my own. I went there before I read your response. Yes I'm a perfectionist. My three biggest triggers for SI are fear of abandonment, fear of failure and shame. I haven't tamed any of them yet. Sometimes it feels like this big mystery to me that everyone else can see but me. I am a perfectionist to the point of not really starting anything. After I read your response I actually calmed a little. I think right now I fear happiness and I don't know why. It's like I can't let myself be ok. My therapist would ask what need is not being met for that to be the case but I don't know. I guess we'll talk about it tomorrow unless I don't sleep and then I'll forget it all again. Thanks for making my brain find some logic in all this. When I was just running on emotions before I was running to the dark places. I hope we both get some sleep soon. 😴

Talk some more when you're ready @Former-Member .... but I might have a key for you here .... to do with how a few generations have been raised ....

Earlier here in the west, but yes, pushing midnight .... and I have a WH who wakes at the crack of dawn .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:😜

G'night .... 💤