Hey @Appleblossom. I think it's always so important to tell your story on here if that's what you chose. I really hope you have your memoirs written down too because there will be a time where those close to you or not so close currently who may want to know more about you. I've always said you are a true survivor. Deep down I feel like everything you've done has been done with all your heart and good intentions. This is my round about way of saying I'm really sorry your daughter cannot see the person we do here but this may not be forever and maybe it will. But at one point in her life I'm sure that somehow getting to know or understand you will be important to her and what better way to find this out but from you.
Im really sorry for loss of your daughter in your life. Again this is not something I can relate to but I can only imagine that some days you feel so heart sore knowing you gave her the best you could.
There have been two conversations on the forum lately that have got me thinking. One is about the breakdown of families where one person has been denied the right to see a child and the other is where the child has chosen to exclude a parent.
I think one of the things that is bandied around a lot lately and it's almost been popularised is the notion of ridding your life of toxic people because 'you don't need that negativity in your life'. There are many times where a person needs self preservation and needs to find space from someone but I think cutting people out and expelling them from your life is dangerous too. People change. Sometimes people make mistakes but learn from them. The timeframe for that learning can vary hugely. Sometimes the circumstances of people's life change too to make connection easier. But I believe there should always be space for forgiveness.
Currently my youngest son wants to cut his dad out his life. I feel like this is fickle and even though his dad can be difficult he truly cares for him. I've told my son there will be a time that he will want to reconnect with his dad and he doesn't have to cut him off now but just be patient and maybe more honest with him. I don't respect his dad for many things he's done in the relationship with his sons but I do respect him for others. For me my kids just need to get better at telling him what they need from him and what's hurts for them. Their dad cannot make the changes needed if he doesn't know what's causing the breakdown and I have no place to step in as this would just cause chaos. Bottom line is at some stage my adult and near adult kids may have to have difficult conversations with their dad for things to change. It would be so very easy for them to say he's a toxic person in their life and should be cut because the bottom line is he is hurting his kids by playing favourites and having expectations on them for things that could be talked through so not as to cause so much harm. I would really like my sons to have an honest conversation with their dad so he understands why one of his sons has cut him from his life and another is about to. Then at least change could happen.
As far as reading the current posts from fathers desperately trying to maintain relationships with their kids I find them really sad. I think there are some genuine cases obviously where a court should chose one parent when there is danger to the child by accessing the other parent. But mostly it seems to play out as a power game and it can be both sexes playing the power game. It's about the adults not the kids and it appears from reading stories on here even more so when it comes to mental health.
So this is my morning rant but I guess Id been thinking about it for a few days. I hope today is kind to everyone. 💜😊🤗
