Hi @Former-Member
I wrote a reply to your post last night - but I found I could not send it - I had opened too much and did not feel okay about writing that in the open though it would be alright to tell you and some others - and my computer is giving up and I hope I can get out today -
So - I think it's perfectly okay to write about our lives here - but only how much we feel comfortable with sharing with everyone - though it probably is is probably alright. I have often used a comment -
Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter
and I feel okay reading what you have written
You seem to have some balance in your mind about your life - as do I - but there are wounds from the past that take time to heal - and then there are the scars and there is always a lot of work to do
And I cried for my parents - I broke my heart - I have no idea what happened that made things change - except I know my sister lied and my father believed her - and my father regretted that - I am sure both my parents suffered a lot of regret - but after my father died my mother totally lost the plot
And after a life time of my mother shing me away - I felt disgusted with her - but still - I had to leave that off - very recently actually - but my earliest clear memories I attacked my mother for physically abusing my little brother and me - mostly my little brother - when I was about four and I think that I was just too much for my mother - I have a charisma - something she would not understand - and she broke my brother's spirit but she never broke mine
But still I know how much a parent can wound a child - even their adult child - and I don't understand why - I wonder if your crying for Mummy was like me feeling as if my grief for my son was like a little girl crying because her dolly was lost - that was hard - I was not allowed to talk about this with my family because they got upset
I am glad I wrote what I have deleted - but I had to stop writing - it was too close to the bone - and it is hard when relationships break down between mothers and daughters. I do understand what you are talking about - and our lives are not about pleasing other people - all the time - another saying is that we can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but we can't please all of the people all of the time - and if we try to do that we will only mess with our own health and you have learned that.
Since I have finished my psychotherapy and passed the anniversary of my son's death I am in a reasonable place - it is a lovely day today - and last night was the first night I did not leave the reverse cycle A/C on - and I hope that with spring coming I can get the exercise I have missed for a variety of reasons -
I may share more of my life in time - I think I dreamed about my mother last night - I always loved her but I could not share this with her. I do have some great memories but not enough - and I value those I have
Let's hope I get a new computer today - I have a carer coming and hopefully we will get out - it's such a nice day that might happen
Thank you for sharing so much of your life with me - and I do understand what you mean - and I will share more in time -
Lots of hugs
Decadian
