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Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 9:26 am AEDT

Half/Half

I am freaking out bad!!!!!

I am really on the verge of screaming!!!!!!

I've been on my new medication for a few months for bipolar. It's helped with anxiety, anger and highs a lot. Zero for depression.

As of late though I can feel my medication working in my brain. I can tell I'm on a bipolar rapid cycle and my brain is screaming to go wild and my medication is screaminf to chill and I'm just like WTF! I'm stuck. And I hate knowing I take medication to feel better and know I can feel it trying to work on me which makes me feel less human. I'm over this!

17 replies

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In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 9:52 am AEDT

Re: Half/Half

hi @Former-Member
that sounds really yuck. I'm glad that its working in its way though. I dont have experience with mania but some meds i used to take made me feel like a zombie, completely numbed out all the time and hated it. my ad's though probably helped keep me alive at times.

In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 11:46 am AEDT

Re: Half/Half

Most of the meds I took made me a zombie. Worst feeling!!!

This is the only one I have been able to actually work full time hours on and I've been able to have a social life on it as well.

Its strange like I'm doing life but my brain is at war but it's a war I've never felt before.

I can feel myself wanting to go mania and my brain screaming spring break party on and all the distructive thoughts but then the other half of my brain is like um no mr medication won't allow this and it's smothering mania side which is screaming out loud. And when I mean screaming I'm not talking actually voices just the senseations and urgers.

It's like freaking me out but I'm working at the same time. I'm at work and everyone is smiling and I'm thinking I got a war in my head and I just want to hide but mr medication is like I got your back. It's making me think more smarter but I got a gut feeling I'm going to crash hard very soon.

In response to: Re: Half/Half

BunniekinsSenior Contributor15 Oct 2017, 7:09 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Former-Member I know about the mania screaming out loud and clear! ... I am medicated to the hilt ... anymore and I will be a zombie which I dont know ... I probably wouldnt mind as I would be safe from doing any harm to myself ... so ... all I can really say is I know what you are going through if that helps a bit.

In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 8:00 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Bunniekins hello. Have you ever felt it while medicated? Like I'm use to it attacking me not medicated and boom I think we both know what's that is like. But I've never felt it trying to come on while medicated. Like is that normal being able to feel my self being sick but the meds working or you never felt that before?

In response to: Re: Half/Half

BunniekinsSenior Contributor15 Oct 2017, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Former-Member Hmmmm .... at the moment I am pretty heavily medicated but I can still feel breakthroughs ... just the other day I was cycling up into mania ... right now I am feel edgy. Seeing psychiatrist tomorrow so I think I need my meds looked at again. For me, at the moment, it is subtle when it happens not like a huge split in my mind, my mania just takes over then goes then comes again like waves crashing on the beach.

I have bipolar 1 and am terrified of losing it again. Does that help?

In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 8:28 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Bunniekins I have Bipolar 1 and I rapid Cycle. I've never split. I just get very self distructive to the point I should be hospitalised but I beg not to be. Or I disappear for days. I'm just not a nice person.

I think we may be experiencing different things though. I'm not hevealy medicated. I'm on a new medication so I'm just on a medium amount and still figuering out my dosage. I just feel like with my previous medication I couldn't feel emotion that strong. I felt with in walls. My doctor said very normal on that medication.

But with this medication I 100% know I'm going mania and want to be acting out but the pills are going no no no no no no no we won't allow it. Like I can feel the medication working on my brain and my brain going get lost to the medication. It's weird and freaking me out.

I hope your meeting goes good with your specialist tomorrow and you don't get to unwell. I hate that feeling of knowing something is happening and just going don't get bad don't get bad.

In response to: Re: Half/Half

BunniekinsSenior Contributor15 Oct 2017, 8:34 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Former-Member 'I'm going mania and want to be acting out but the pills are going no no no no no no no we won't allow it.' That made me laugh ... I know that feeling very well... I have it right now but it is very very subdued.

I am really sorry you are going through this ... It is no fun is it ...

In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 8:43 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

It's literally the strangest feeling. I've never felt this before. I rather just have the pills stronger and not notice it or let the mania take over as even though it's unhealthy I understand it.

This what I'm feeling is scary and unfamiliar and I'm like is this normal am I getting sicker? Is it a new side to Bipolar I don't know? Or is it just not being on the right amount of meds while sick or what it's always going to be like when I'm sick that I'm going to be half/half?

The plus though is ive worked all week on it. So something is coming good from the new medication.

In response to: Re: Half/Half

BunniekinsSenior Contributor15 Oct 2017, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

@Former-Member Yes I know the feeling. I asked my psychiatrist that at my last appointment I said we keep having to up the pills ... they work for awhile and then bam!! I have another break through! I can feel it ...

He just nodded his head which probably meant we have to keep experimenting until we get the right meds and dosage ...

I miss my magical moments being manic, the good was brilliant BUT omg! did they get me into trouble too so I prefer to be a zombie ... if that keeps me from hurting myself and those I care about. Zombie I will be ...

In response to: Half/Half

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2017, 9:50 pm AEDT

Re: Half/Half

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I'm not seeing a pychatrist as i can't handle talking to them and get very sucidal so they are working with my gp to get me on my meds so I can see them.

Oh man how good is the good! I miss and crave that feeling of no fear and freedom. Everything is exciting and great. It's a rush. I love it so much. Little do I think that I have people searching for me and a husband crying at home. I think I'm doing great but oh man reality no.

It's a bummer your in zombie land. I was on 3 meds that made me zombie. I hate it. This is my 5th medication I'm taking and it seems to agree with me. Just wish it touched the depression side.

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