Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

tender hugs @Former-Member

Oh golly @Former-Member

I am so sad you had to go through all of that - it seems so rough and even worse - I can't imagine what that was like

I had not read this - I don't get tags as I don't have emails sent to my mail box - too many - too much - often more than I can cope with - but here I am and I know at least you are on the way home

You've done your best - you have been better for them than your mother deserves and your poor Dad - they are really past all of this - but believe me - there is nothing you can do - your mother's paranoia is far too much and makes no sense -

I am so sorry

Way back when my Dad was getting frail my mother went on about how lonely she and Dad were and said they might have to go into a home - I was shocked actually - I told my mother I would visit every day if she wanted me to - no answer to that - there was my bossy toxic sister doing all and more for her own reasons and kept everything a secret - so from this point of view

After Dad died my mother was in a home and had my sister running around feeling self-important and mum was snarling at me and I walked out saying I would not be back and didn't go back. Yes - I am sorry about that but I was not required and my sister had all the authority and all the secrets and all the lies I know about and the lies I don't and I am wondering what more I could have done

But for you - it seems you have gone above and beyond - for you there is no toxic sister running the show and keeping secrets and telling lies and doing whatever - you are getting all that toxic shit from your mother and you really deserve better

I really feel for you - I had no idea things were this bad for you and I am glad you told me this post was here and feel so much for you. It has been terrible and how tired you must be

I will catch up with you on your other thread - but I am so glad you told me about this one - you obviously do not want to write all of this again

Prayers - of course - I do prayers - thinking of your always too

Dec

♥️ @Former-Member .....

Hi @Former-Member

I really care about you and I can be sad because I choose to be - it doesn't overtake me and I guess I have been in a similar place with my mother and I identify with the situation - not good at all

You do deserve better - no one deserves to be treated like that - toxic mothers!! - there are so many of them about - but I can share something with you - when my mother was snarling at me someone at Life Line told me this

Like there are different forms of dementia - and sometimes it will appear suddenly after a loss - eg when my father died mum totally lost the plot and dropped her bundle and was really horrible - and this lady at Life Line said that there are people who get really angry and blame everyone around them - including the staff when they are being cared for - and it is really hard to understand - but after reading what you wrote I thought more about my sister who did attend to my mother and I wonder if my mother gave her a similar hard time but my sister couldn't - for whatever reason - walk away as I did - I asked myself what was that like for my sister?

My mother and my sister were not particularly nice to me - so I can let it go - I don't have to wonder too much and perhaps people who are in co-dependent relationships don't have the choices other people might have - such a puzzle

The approaching time is not likely to be easy for you Lapses - it's hard to know what to say - but things will change - which is not always an easy idea - in fact a very complex one

Still thinking of you

Dec

Glad that you are having some pleasant moments on your trip home. You did the hard yards and faced up to the difficult issues.

@Former-Member

It's so great to hear that you had the chance to meet up with so many members of your extended family as well as your sister and brothers @Former-Member - and that you could see them in such a clear light - yes - we are all unique and that's one of God's miracles - he keeps making new versions of humans - wonderful

Maybe your mother's narkiness is too much for them - but your coming and staying and attending to so many of the issues that are complicating the whole thing have made much more difference than you can see - can know - but you have seen a whole new things now ands that is truly miraculous

I had a miracle when my mother was dying - I would not trade off anything othe part of life to miss that one - it was glorious - whatever other people got out of my mother that I missed - they can have it - I had the miracle at the end and no one can ever take that away from me

About your Dad and his licence - aw - having him drive when he is incompetent is serious and your mother is not likely to understand but I do - anyone who drives or uses our roads as passengers or pedestrians understands - a car - particularly and unregistered one - is a lethal issue and you have done the right thing whatever your mother thinks - and I guess the car has to go -

Do you know if it is road-worthy? And aw - you must feel bad enough about that - and having to give up driving is so hard - I had to years ago when I was taking so much more medication than I am now

Okay - my Dad was losing his vision - and kept driving and my sister was nag-nag-nagging about him giving up - and no - he wasn't listening. But I had to stop driving and when I told him I had given up he rang me a few days later telling me he admired my decision and gave up himself

And yes - it is hard - driving is one of our great freedoms - and I must assure you as one person who gave up that freedom that you have done the right thing and maybe one of your brothers can do his bit and get rid of that car - cause your might nag your Dad into driving anyway - but hey - that's your choice and your mother's stuff and you know the boundaries more than anyone

I am so glad you went first class on the train - you get the best service - I enjoyed flying business class when I went to Sydney - it's so great to have all that attention. I love it.

All those train noises - they can lull you to sleep unless they trigger you in some way - but you will be cared for by the staff - and I wish you the best

And I hope you have a great time with your son - and that there is more openness and honesty in your family and that everyone can pull together with the time approaching

You are in my prayers

Dec