Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Thanks for thinking of me Darcy 💜

Yep, she's at it already, within 2hrs of being home from hospital, there's this & that, and apparently i've stolen a crystal necklace (she's obcessimg about). Really hard being called a thief, delusional, to go F# off, whistle dixie... etc... every day... several times this last week, when at the same time I'm cleaning their soiled undies & filthy house. Why can't they just be nice? And why use l the F word? and think everyone's trying to steal from her. I think having all the physical work helps me burn off stress. I really pushed myself hard today, to finish her room & bed before she needed it. Even cleaned the mould off her blinds, washed & rehung the lace curtains & made up a fresh bed, and cleared the walkway. It looks so much better, but there's still a mountain of washing to catch up on. And loads of clothes still to sort.

Bro3 popped over with a fan mother asked him to buy. While he was setting it up, i thought to ask, before i forget, being tall, if he could put mums kitchen blinds back up (after the cleaner forgot to). Bro had a go at me

for not paying attention when taking them blinds down, then he struggled doing it himself & when something fell in the loungeroom & mother let out a blood cuddling scream. Oh no - it was the new fan he was putting together & left balancing where the dog could bowl it over. Apparently this was my fault, for disteacting him. He dropped the blinds, told me to stop distracting him, had a go at me - even called me an asshole, but this visit Im bounced it back at them - which they are not use to (which I never do & feel convicted about). Grabbed my handbag & went to my room to rest

Bro3 saying "I'll be gone in a minute, u can come back out then" I just said "who says I'm coming back out" ... I've been doing everything while they suck mum dry & I'm having trouble being reimbursed for groceries & accused of stealing. Stupid. I feel shame just telling the latter because - how do you prove you didn't do something??

I wanted to vacuum mums mattress before making her bed (first day back from hospital & all, but bro4 has her VAC & refused to bring it 'till tomorrow (they're always bludging off mum & dad, makes me sick. Just because they have an MI Sz, and drug addiction they get away with it, a co-dependent thing, not taking responsibility, and maybe mum feels guilty (inflicting childhood trauma). But I can't work it out.

I'm angry & feel alone & overworked & falsely accused, negated efforts, and like a Cinderlla Slave - burned out & unappreciated. My feet were really swollen this last week and my blood pressure was up & DR is thinking of adding a 3rd BP pill, so I had fasting bloods this AM. Then had to grab groceries, then race home & do dads breakfast & pills. Then the cleaner came. I picked up 2 more full washing baskets of crap on ma's foor around the bed, and a big bag of rubbish rubbish (total of x2garbage bags rubbish rubbish) in her room. Took me ages to find bedsheets etc and get on the thick matttess.

It Looked like rain so I rushed, brang in the 2loads of washing & folded, brang in blinds cleaner cleaned, fed all the animals (birds, cat, dogs), keep checking washing machine going as its playing up, Made mums big bed (after clearing it off), did my weekly pill dispenser & took todays very late (oops) My Bro3 is still going on about something. Guess I need to go out there before he leaves.

It was so peaceful here with just me & dad. Ma said "I'm gonna order a pizza" i said "not necessary I bought two from Aldi today but also got makings of satay chicken & rice.

I was aware that for a he first time since I can remember, I wasn't scared sleeping in this house. That changed the first night mum came back from hospital. 24hrs ago. I'm scared, and sad, and my inner child is... squirming

Caring for one MI mother & a father with Dementia, physical limitations, and severe incontinence. Mum needs help

Gotta go, the dog got out - mums chasing it up the street, and dad keeps trying to answer the phone but can't remember which button to press...

bit over it all today

ARR help! my hands are shaking, heart racing, tears. What am i doing here. Ma's at me already, only 9am. Couldnt find the steel egg cups. I had to rummage through everything. That's after 1,000 other little things. I'll have to sift the rubbish for a little white ceramic bird chipped & horrible, because its missing & may have chucked it. How can she notice one little thing when there's sooo much here? And goes on & on about things she cant find. How do u clean properly without touching things?

Most my work here has been washing but there's no cupboard space to put it away, even in dads room (grr).

The shower nurse was just here for dad, I needed to remind them of changes re rash, but as mum is fighting to scratch back full control now back home after hospital, I asked her if she'd like to put the zinc cream on dad's groin/scrot rash or remind the nurse?. She started going on how they need to do it, not her, because THEY haven't dried him properly.. BlarBlarrBlarr, while garing at me. So, i talked to the personal carer who came to me after to tell me about the rash - what he needs etc, but Mum stormed out of the kitchen, got between us, in the pc's face, & said "don't talk to her, I'm the wife, not her, she's the daughter, talk to me!!!" She offered mum a 2nd visit later in the day again, to change dad before bed (dad gets it dva free), mum didn't answer so the pc looked at me. i said mum has declined night services for dad before. Its her home, up to her, she will have to decide. But indecisive ma blamed dad for not wanting late services (lie)

Nothingbmuch done today, justdads meals (mum hels herself, for herself, as is we're not here) and a load of washinging.

I think I need to get out of here... ma has treated me like crap since comingbout of hospital yesterda Wish she stayed there, thinks I'm the competition or something.

Today & last night was so toxic, dad went to bed early, and has diarrhoea today, and I have headaches & shakes, and dogs take cover.

I have no energy left