Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Thanks @Former-MemberDarcy, 💓

@Faith-and-Hope, I was just rereading your post here yesterday and was wondering, want to see it but can't... What makes you think my mum has an ounce of live and / appreciation? Maybe I'm hard on her, guarded... Its interesting she's even asked me to come down. Maybe because I let in I had a night in hospital myself. Ha! My sister would be gossiping about that (as she does) that it too was attention seeking and telling people to ignore me (as she did during my x2 major depressive episodes + admissions - 1986 & 2017), and since it happened last week on my girls birthday, and while mum was in hospital... Her & mum 'talk' now. Rarely did before she stopped talking to me when my girl died. My sis was always jealous of my career & up front musical talent and unfortunately my first big breakdown came just after she beat me to having the first grandchild in the family. That was when she started accusing me of 'attention seeking' ... My family crap... My Bro2, the one with the money who runs his own business - he recently accused me helping mum and dad lately - out of 'guilt' Honestly! He lives 10min drive from mum & dad and wouldn't even come to their 80th I organised 3yrs ago. Him, my sis & bro1. Bro 3&4 came but couldn't afford it - I had to pay their way, and mum & dads & fly down. I was disgusted and it was hard for me to do hut nobody else was bothering. Mums MI has taken a BIG toll on the family, rifts everywhere. Reality is, after my girl died so suddenly, I so needed to reconnect with 'family' and looking for ways to do it myself because they sure as hell weren't going out if their way for me, not one. It has nothing to do with 'guilt' or ''taking the limelight'/but everything to do with love - for family - for the values held by God, the things of 'the kingdom of God' as Jesus spoke of, which is part of me not just some headstrong ideology. No, writing this helps me see "satan is the acuser if the brethren" - inn their words - lies, and I shouldn't doubt my motives, nor stop doing good. Hey, isn't it funny how talking, just typing helps us think things through. Hope I remember though. But there's nothing like TRUTH to ankor ones memory / heart. Hope so anyway. // back to mum, I fear her still, her motives. I use to have nightmares as a teenager that she was coming into my room to k#ll me in my sleep, violently. Staying at that house is so hard for me because if the memories and her volatility. I might ask her what she would like me to help with when I come down? Honestly think she's lonely more than anything.

This was linger than planned sorry. And you're probably still bit well. So don't stress about answering. I've been up since 3am anyway, can't sleep and procradtunating on tidying up re inspection 😞

MyGembo has started singing 😁 and I hear magpies talking, what do ya call it again? Live their quiet calm morning song.

Better go do something, you get better 🌹

💜💜💜

@Former-Member keeping our own hearts in the right place is all we can do.

Hearing that she praised you to someone else as her rock @Former-Member, is what says she does have love for you in there somewhere ..... but along with it will be some defence mechanism that is abusive and fault-finding, so to stay within the vicinity is to get caught in the switches between the two ..... and that is probably harder to take that someone just being abusive. It was in the meme you posted the other day.

💜💐💕

@Former-MemberI did not mean to leave you hanging when I went missing in action a weeks ago. I hope that did not stress you. I saw that I did not reply to a post from when my internet cut out ... and we were talking seriously and deep.

I would never leave anyone hanging intentionally.

Your mum is confused and thats confusing, glad other family are stepping in.

The latest on my mum is a lost Ivory Rose that apparently means a lot to her.... (of cause its my fault its missing) Wonder if she'll let me know when she finds it? - not likely, not usually. But it gets worse.

Bro4 isn't suppose to tell me but when i rang today he told me dad has been driving his car. Mum (who manages all his finances) spent $300 getting another key cut for him. This week dad has received a letter from Road Authority to be medically reviewed to keep his driver's licence. They've guessed its me but Im not saying i reported him, should I? Worked out well actually as mum just had his testing done to sign tbe will & he didnt do well at all. Bro4 said dad gave him a lift to visit mum in tbe hospital and nearly crashed twice, particularly struggling with parking. I don't understand, dad didn't have to drive once, or ask or insist driving once when I was there two weeks solid.

Bro4 said ma said she has bed sores and constant diarrhoea but won't tell the Dr. Shes putting too much on Bro4 & Bro3, ringing them every day for little things and personal issues. She forgets they're not well (Sz).

Then he tells me mum tried to withdraw $2,000 out of dads bank account at the atm, in front of Bro3&4 (probably waiting for a hand out) and bro4 was surprised when bro3 blamed my sis&i for that when it wouldn't process (my sis & I barely talk). Bro3, pSz who lives in a foil cave, he plants these seeds of paranoia and ma believes it. How could I block his bank account??

Its beyond me. This is not my family. Think I'll stay away forever. Hope I can sever my heart. I understand now what the bible talks about when "God lifts his hand of protection" when Favour runs out, when things have to be allowed to get worse in order to get better... And handing people over to their own sinful desires. A prison of self deception nobody can break through. Its just horrible.

Mum wouldn't keep the things that wouldnt fit in my bag - she told me yesterday she sent them to salvos, didn't think I wanted them, even though I had said I'll pick that bag up when I next bring my car.

I must sound like a horrible daughter to evoke such hostility from my mum. Believe me - I mean no harm but go in love, in Christ, (but can get impatient snappy). I have to somehow let go, focus on what's left of my life and health and home and family. They have taken enough from me I think 😞😢 I hate MI