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Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Things are coming to a head with my family. My mum has always suffered Anxiety / Depression / Severe Mood Swings (?Sz/Bipolar - secretive). Now what she fears has come upon her - terminal cancer on top. Shws not coping, and also dads carer (mobility issues and dementia stage 2). Mum has passed her 2yr medical prognosis date with terminal cancer and fought hard to hold independence.

Her MI is sooooooo difficult to work with. Sooo ambivolent about everything, anxious, can't make decisions, argumentative, suspicious, shuts down, cries, abuses, withdraws... Sucks trying to help. Dads care is failing too, she resents all the in home help I've activated with him this last few years I'm seen as the enemy for doing that, even though she can't. Last week dad actually asked me to come help "looks like mums having to go into hospital"

They never ask

Then I get this tx from mum this morning. "Feel crook k#####(me) hows your flu today if you can come down what form of travel you choose and how can you look after the birds they are a concern dont feel good today at all but the day is young yet might pick up"

I have respected mums fierce need for privacy but today I rang palliative care to see what's happening for her? They got her mix d up with another 'same name' patient. Then turns out mum has never beenbreferred to Community Palliative Care (which is why they didn't know her), but had her last Admission Notes referring her to Palliative Care Dr, she's been doing those visits but talks about dad not herself. Next visit ?12th.

Mum has lost 25% body weight, is weak. After talking with her and x3 nurses today (like hours), clarifying wrong contact details and complex family matters, I feel shell shot!

Honestly thought these things were in hand.

I'm gonna have to go down, but OK his time begrudgingly. I live 12hrs away, I have a sister & 3 bothers within 5 - 1hr away. They can't handle mums MI - she has legal rights++ but don't know what she's doing now dad can't take charge.

The palliative care cimmunity nurse can't act without that referral from the hospital Dr, so shell look at that and then ring mum... All maybies of cause. My heads swimming with it all, any wonder mum just throws her hands in the air saying "they don't care, I'm too old, they just want me to die"... "And you lot are selfish and just want to put me inva nursing home and forget about me, and you all care about dad more than me..." Then she crack a joke about something totally related, say "don't wanna talk anymore..."

OMG!!! my cPTSD & cGrief trigger alerts are all firing. Feel resentful. Want to go to bed 'till it goes away.

My son even said to me this morning "mum you know people have totally cut off parents for doing far less than they have done to you!" Suggesting I abandon them. How can I do that and stand before God (and myself) in peace? This is so hard!

Help!

232 replies

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In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

When combined, a series of lifestyle adjustments can prove to be very effective in alleviating debilitating anxiety. Although medication is often the go to bandaid for anxiety, it is not a long term solution and simply masks the message that is trying to be received. Don’t get me wrong, there will be many people who will benefit from Meds but they are best used as a bridge to a series of lifestyle adjustments and interventions. Anxiety is multidimensional. Many factors play a role in influencing its severity, pathology and frequency. Because it is multidimensional, it needs to be looked at from several angles. When most angles are accounted for through lifestyle change, a cumulative easing can be experienced. Anxiety can be addressed with biochemistry in mind: What foods you eat vs the foods you don’t eat Certain foods amplify anxiety whilst others pacify it. Some of the big players in amplifying anxiety are: Refined Sugar Caffeine Alcohol Cigarrettes Trans Fat Hydrogenated oils Most nutrient dense whole foods help to pacify Anxiety. Nutrients (B Vitamins, Vitamin C, Zinc, Magnesium + Amino acids mainly) are the building blocks for brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters. The more raw materials there are, the more quality neurotransmitters are available for the brain to communicate properly. Anxiety is felt when the brain has a communication breakdown. Balanced brain chemistry is a result of a nutrient rich diet: Fatty Fish + Omega - 3 oils - helps brain build receptors to accept neurotransmitters Quality meats - Chicken, beef…. for B12 + amino acids Grains - some people who are gluten and starch sensitive may experience anxiety from eating grains - in this case go Paleo/ketogenic. Leafy greens - abundant phytonutrients, magnesium +Vitamin C Legumes Coconut oil, grass fed butter, avocado, nuts + seeds - these fats especially are brain fats. Like the omega 3 DHA, they help to build receptor sites where NTM’s like serotonin bind. Saturated fat is not your enemy here. Probiotics for healthy gut flora. Healthy flora ensure that all the nutrients from our food are properly extracted and assimilated. Anxiety is also inflammatory - look to consume antioxidant rich, anti-inflammatory foods. Biochemistry can affect our emotional states Exercise We all know how beneficial exercise is, but what about for anxiety specifically? What type of exercise is best? Yoga Bending yourself into a pretzel may not be everyones cup of tea but it certainly shows promise in providing a peaceful and calming wake to its practice. A lot of tension is held in the musculature of the body and has accumulated over - time. Releasing this tension can bring release to the body. By releasing the body, the mind is also released. Much of the tension from the body has been passed on from the mind. When the body is allowed to release so is the mind. Yoga has shown to be effective in treating mental health by reducing cortisol - one of the bodies primary stress hormones and elevating serotonin levels, both long - term and short term. Serotonin is a big player in the anxiety matrix. Low levels expose us to it and high levels defend us from it. Aerobic +Anaerobic exercise Simply running, sprinting, dropping for some press-ups can provide you with a hit of endorphins. As little as 10 minutes of exercise is enough to get your hit. Endorphins make you feel good. Staying topped up with endorphins means that your resilience to stress will be greater and your brain chemistry conducive to a more calm and centred state of mind. The sense of achievement and boosted self - esteem makes exercise a great method to deal with anxiety. Look to exercise outdoors as immersion of oneself within nature is calming and connects you to the peace and harmony around you. Exercise for mental health Breathing Deep, diaphragmatic breaths help to activate the branch of the autonomic nervous system which corresponds to rest and relaxation. Due to the nature of everyday life many people live under the activation of the sympathetic nervous system. This branch of the ANS causes the flight or fight response which signals DANGER. Often our threats are psychological and we cannot outrun that which does not exist, so anxiety persists. Breathing deeply can help to bring you back to a calm centre. Try ujjayi Breath Ensure sufficient human contact Being socially isolated doesn't just cause anxiety but affects your health at a cellular level. Humans are social beings who need connection to stay sane. Make sure you have regular human contact, tell people how you feel, express gratitude and enjoy every moment with friends and family. A sense of community is a powerful way to stay on top of anxiety. CBT Cognitive behavioural therapy is an effective anxiety management tool. It reframes the way that anxiety affects you through looking at your thoughts. An example of one tool is the school bus analogy. You have many voices going through your head day to day, doubting voices, adventuros voices, angry voices…… picture all these voices as people on a school bus. Your true voice is driving most of the time and you want to keep it that way, but sometimes an anxious voice can take the wheel and hijack the direction of the bus. Stop here and remember which voice is meant to drive the bus - Your authentic voice shines through, the driver is in control, not the punk kid who has stolen the wheel. Mindset In order to really address anxiety we need to get to the root of why we are experiencing it. What is the anxiety in relation to? What are the triggers? Is there something wired into your belief system which is causing it? Sometimes a job, relationship or general lifestyle as a whole brings about anxiety. Sometimes something as simple as checking social media less and watching the news less can have a benefit. It will be different for everyone - tune into Your anxiety and listen to what it is telling you and in response to what. The suggestions above are all ways of dealing with anxiety, but what about moving past it? Many people say that in order to move past anxiety, it needs to be accepted. Instead of resisting it, we can accept it as part of who we are. Moments of serious introspection can give insight on how to move past anxiety - Yoga, meditation and the use of psychedelics can provide pure moments which point to a direction of how to move past your anxiety. Everyone experiences anxiety, some more than others but building resilience to anxiety through the steps above can give you strength. When you have strength, you can look at why it is happening, how you move past anxiety and accepting it as part of you. When we stop resisting and start accepting, things get a lot easier.

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Hi @Justdance and welcome to the forums .....

Wow, there is a lot of info there ..... you have been on quite a learning journey. You will find many here in tune with the thoughts you have put forward, and it's lovely to hear the positivity underlying it too .....

Sing out if you need any heomto find you way around the forums.

🌷

In response to: Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Thanks @JustdanceJustdance, I can't take it all in right now but will come back to it again. Not sure my mum's up to doing g any of these anxiety helps, she thinks it's all hocus-pocus, and the problem is with everyone else, not her. No insight. And very sick now. But reading your words here I'm sure will help many here 👍.

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

@Former-Member ...

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Mum just freaked me out with an invitation to come visit, and being nice, even pay for the flight. She said:
"Did you sell your home yet
must be very stess full
Wondering if youd like to have a short visit say 4 days be nice to see you.
Must booked teusday flights, they say thats the cheapest day to book me pay if you well enough"

I'm so confused

In response to: Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

There is love and appreciation there @Former-Member ..... it’s just scrambled in with controlling abuse ..... with some people you don’t get the one without the other, unfortunately.

If you choose to go, and I expect you will, go with care ..... take that emotional shield and go to take care of you ..... that would be my advice.

Hugs Hon .... not easy in any sense.

💜💐

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, I don't wants go to be honest, sleep there, I am planning to go down 18th to house sit for a cousin, maybe i can tag the 4 days onto the beginning of that? Its just I have so much to do here with the house, and what if it sells? Why couldn't she let me stay there before? I'm not sure I have capacity to cope & look after myself, only just getting some equilibrium since last time. What good am I when everything I to is wrong?

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Much easier if you don't stay with them @Former-Member, and just come and go in visits to the house for a few days. Is the house-sitting somewhere close by them, or a reasonable distance to drive ?

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Yes @Faith-and-Hope, i think its better to be able to 'walk away' from the tirades , find my own space... Unfortunately my cousin s place is 45-50min away, busy roads, sydney traffic... My country town has NO traffic lights, only recently upgraded main street to have two roundabouts, wow! lol I'm not use to traffic, or transit lanes etc ARR! but manage somehow.

In response to: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

Re: Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

@Former-Member
Will send up dedicated prayers that you will have wisdom and peace.
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