Where can we go for help?

Hello dear @YTT

I can relate to the stress you have been under and how this can nearly drive one to despair at times. My daughter suffers bi-polar and BPD. One year ago she was scheduled for a serious suicide attempt. It's quite along story as we have been riding this wave with our daughter for approximately 6 years now and only recently she has improved to quite a satisfactory degree. But in that 6 years she took us to hell and back. I ended up feeling like you did quite a few times. My daughter is now 21 years old. How old is yours and what is her mental diagnosis?

The services you have already tried I was going to suggest. But it seems this did not help you. Do you have friends that you can talk to and seek moral support from. This did help me. Is your daughter under a mental health Team? If so if she does have episodes they are the people to call and she may have to be hospitalised until she stabilises. Then be offered a longer term mental health plan that will keep her stable. Is your daughter under a psychiatrist? This is too much for you to take on alone. You need reprieve.

We did everything we could to help our daughter, but for our own mental health we needed to step back and let her help herself also. As carers we can do only so much. We also need to have a life of our own and achieve personal goals and leisure activities for our own well being or we will be no good for no one. It can be hard to do but after helping our sick loved ones we also need to detach from the situation emotionally to allow, step back and let them to stand on their own feet more. I stopped allowing my whole life to revolve around my daughter's issues. We needed some reprieve.

Seeing a psychologist is a great move as this will give you someone to not only take to taking the weight of your chest, but also suggest Other avenues of where you can obtain help/support; and offer coping strategies to reduce the stress from your life. Let us know how that goes.

Please also reach out anytime you want to talk here as we are listening and offer supportive friendship if you should ever need it. Others will jump on here and may have even more suggestions of what you can do. Hope this has helped you a little. Sending a warm hug 🤗

@Former-Member thanks for your reply, yes it does help and give me hope. One day we'll get there, we are relatively new to all this.

My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed earlier this year with bi polar after bullying at school. The decline in her cognitive skills is sad and seeing her go from a thriving and talented public speaker and debater who has an opera range vocals to someone racked with anxiety and such low self esteem is heartbreaking.

She is under the care of ICAHMS and sees a psychologist weekly and also the psychiatrist. We are still seeing what medications work for her.

It's hard because we have no family here on this side of Australia, we haven't lived near family for about 17 years. I have only one close friend who knows what's going on and I opened up to her about me having to go to the hospital. Work was once a place I went to to escape what was going on at home but even that now is not the escape it once was.

Due to moving around Australia (we've been here the longest) we have always been a very tight close-knit family, it's just the four of us.

@Former-Member

Thank you, I'll look into your suggestion

Hello @YTT

How are you today my friend

Hello @YTT

How are you going? Our situations have similarities. My daughter also suffered relentless jealous bullying and this is where all her problems began. My daughter when living outside the home for a short period (long story) was also sexually assaulted. My daughter struggles with very low self esteem as a result and this is one of the main triggers of her mental health issues (she has also been diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD). The bi-polar could also have a genetic component- cannot be sure.

Unfortunately my daughter found escape with drugs (mostly cannabis) which complicated the whole scenario. This made her much worse and incited violent mood swings. The grief and stress of witnessing this was horrific. And there was no help. She has made a few attempts on her life. The grief of watching her self destruct because of low self esteem, drugs and from abuse is not something I would wish on any parent. It is soul destroying. Before this happened my daughter was highly academic, a school captain, adored by her teachers and won community awards for respect and all round achievement. The turn around was dramatic and shocking. She always had a lot of love from us and some of her friends.

I also have no family except for my husband. There is just the three of us and we had to endure this on our own. My husband also has cancer and other health ailments so we were, and still are, dealing with this health issue.

What will help your daughter now I feel is anything, whether that be personal support or counselling, to address and boost "her low self esteem". This is part of the help we had been attempting to do with our daughter. But she would not willingly undergo any type of counselling or open up. She refused to talk about how she was feeling. This was half the problem. She stopped trusting anyone. And self harmed.

I can't say there is healing overnight - it's been a journey of six years (daughter now 21) and only now she is starting to turn a corner. She is moving out soon which will help her to grow in confidence and independence. She is trying with good intentions finally and we will always be there for her.. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hold onto that hope when distress and despair knocks as its true. When we love with everything we have it works out in the end.

There will be times when it seems hopeless and we are standing on the edge, that's when we step back abit and allow ourselves some reprieve knowing that by doing our best it will somehow work out in time. And then take time to look after ourselves and pursue personal goals and leisure activities that once gave us joy. Not easy to do when worry and trauma as a result of our childrens mental issues strikes. But a balance we need to be determined to have. The biggest mistake I made was making my daughter my world and her issues where shaping it. Sometimes after giving much we have to step back and have quality time for ourselves and needs least we forget how to live.

Finding a good experienced social worker or psychologist to talk too I feel may help you also, not only to talk about your daughter and coping strategies, but to also help you deal with your grief. As that is something much overlooked with carers.

Here if ever you need to talk. xx

@Shaz51

Thank you for asking, I'm doing okay today. I'm trying to take time for myself (I'm on holidays) and not getting too caught up in house work and things that need to be done.

My daughter has her psychiatrist appointment tomorrow so we'll see where that goes and what mediction changes he will want to do.

@Former-Member I'm so sorry what you have gone throught. It's so hard seeing out kids go through so much pain.

Thank you for your post xxx

I will be thinking of you tomorrow @YTT

Let me know how it goes xoxo