BUBBLES WORLD :)

how can this be happing to me

i have no family left, no sister, no mum, no brother no extended family all thrown away because of my mental illness. iv lost great friends (like family) in the past, iv lost my dad (even though he was a c....t in the first place)iv lost everybody because of my mental illness. who do i have left , my hubby and kids , who dont understand whats going on. so if no gives a sh*t about me anymore why should i be here.

iv had one old friend who i havent seen for 14 years call me today because she was worry about something i put on facebook.. we had a good long chat. i told her how much i was stuggling and how much we are stuggling with money and food at the moment and she even sent some money over to help out..how kind of her. . thats what familys should be doing not old friends that i havent seen for 14 years.

why does my family have to hurt me so much. they have always done it, left me , hidden things from me, left me to sort out my own mental illness. why , when there the people who i need help from. thats what family is meant to be all about. to be there and stick together and help each other. but no , not my family. it hurts so deep and it always has done. its always been my sister and mum agaianst me. has always been te same. it and i dont think it will ever change. maybe i need to get use to it. maybe i am the black sheep of the family. i always knew that from a very younge age but now now i know for sure.

all i do now is sit infront of this computer trying to talk to people (when sometimes i feel like i get left out). i dont know any of you . some people help, some dont. thats just the way it is. i cant change that.but i try my best to interact with everyone. this is the only place i have left. i have no one else. sometime i feel like giving up on here to.... i dont know. i get disheartened quickly and thats not anybody elses fault but my own. its just me. im to f*cked up for people to be interested in talking to me. thats the way it is in my real life to. everyone gives up on me. im to hard for everyone to deal with.

so im just left to myself with no one to help me. no one to talk to. no one to listen to me. no one to cry on there shoulders. no one to tell me , everything is going to be ok. im just alone in this big f*cked world with no one to help. so what does someone do when theres no help.......... the end. there has to be an end to this pain. the suffering. the tourcher. there just has to be.

@Bubbles3 the above post really struck a chord with me. It was like something I could've written myself.

I am estranged from my family (but not by my choosing). They struggle to understand me and my mental illness and have found it simply easier just to throw me by the wayside. I am also the black sheep, have been since I was a little girl. This was cemented with the death of one of my parents and the remarrying of the other.

I have found many of my long-term friendships have also gone by the wayside, as I didn't invest in them properly. I found that I was far too focussed on myself (selfish I know) and thereby making the friendships only a one-way street. My friends rightly grew tired of this.

Fast forward a few years and now I've hit a decent level of 'wellness', I am trying to reconnect with these friendships with some success. My friends, luckily for me have stuck by me, even when the family hasn't.

I say family doesn't need to be blood. I have learned this over the years. You can have good friends which are like a family you have chosen for yourself. I notice you say you are alone in the world, do you think it is because you feel isolated due to your mental health issues? I know I've felt awfully isolated in the past due to my mh illness, and largely still do. Hence why I come online (to break that feeling of isolation).

I'm sorry to read you feel pain, suffering and torture. Be rest assured that feeling needn't last forever.

Be gentle with yourself.

@Bubbles3sorry about yesterday leaving quickly like that. Son had an asthma attack (ok now)

How are you going today?

thanks @Faith-and-Hope

how are you today

this is how i feel today. DEPRESSED. LONELY . DESTROYED. LET DOWN.HURTING.SAD. MISERABLE