MaggieSenior Contributor
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Taking the plunge
10240 replies
In response to: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Thanks for caring @eth. Yep hospital is on the cards. I can't see myself being 'totally candid' tomorrow as that feels (and arguably is) too dangerous but I will try and be 'safely open. I was asked to try and let down a couple of bricks of my walls. Not easy, especially with big scary past experiences but I can try.
Sib knows and I'm feeling pretty sad as they are doing what my family tend to do - pretend it's not happening, too hard basket, stuff. The way things are working with us at the moment is that they are another someone I'm thinking of and looking after I guess. I feel really awful when I speak badly of my family and I don't mean it in a bad way but I feel a bit taken as a given as they know I'm always there and always helping and that I just magically keep on keeping on. When I'm down and out I feel like an inconvenience (granted right now I am actually an inconvenience especially with unwell person being so unwell 😔). It's too hard eth. I can't work it out and that's why someone else needs to I guess. I send myself into a sinking pit of ugly feelings about it. I feel awful and very selfish and wish I could force myself out of this rut. I've really tried not to get to here but I haven't been able to stop it. 🙁 venting, sorry. I'm so tired. I get up and all I want to do is sit back down. I feel like I'm letting people down everywhere.
Thanks for listening. I'm sorry that's a bit of a downer post. I'm thinking you probably understand tricky family dynamics.
Sib knows and I'm feeling pretty sad as they are doing what my family tend to do - pretend it's not happening, too hard basket, stuff. The way things are working with us at the moment is that they are another someone I'm thinking of and looking after I guess. I feel really awful when I speak badly of my family and I don't mean it in a bad way but I feel a bit taken as a given as they know I'm always there and always helping and that I just magically keep on keeping on. When I'm down and out I feel like an inconvenience (granted right now I am actually an inconvenience especially with unwell person being so unwell 😔). It's too hard eth. I can't work it out and that's why someone else needs to I guess. I send myself into a sinking pit of ugly feelings about it. I feel awful and very selfish and wish I could force myself out of this rut. I've really tried not to get to here but I haven't been able to stop it. 🙁 venting, sorry. I'm so tired. I get up and all I want to do is sit back down. I feel like I'm letting people down everywhere.
Thanks for listening. I'm sorry that's a bit of a downer post. I'm thinking you probably understand tricky family dynamics.
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
ethSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Hey @CheerBear sorry I didn't see your post earlier. Yes I've a lot of family experience of tricky dynamics, to say the least. Don't ever feel like you can't tell it like it is here. That's what we're here for. I don't consider it venting or a downer. It's really important that you can be totally authentic somewhere and this is a safe place to be just that. I'm happy to listen any time and help if possible. I really hope you get an outcome you are hoping for with tomorrow's assessment. At least you have advance notice of it, it's not being sprung on you, so you can choose what you want to share with them. If it were me I'd probably be making some notes about what I wanted to say/not say. It's quite understandable that things have become too much for you - you've carried such a load for such a long time. What a shame sib is not acknowledging your feelings and has turned out to be yet another for you to carry. You are no way selfish. You are still doing the best you can despite being bone weary. I feel for you deeply and would take a load off you if I possibly could. Keeping a quiet corner warm for you when you are able to tuck in for a while. Sending hugs and a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on xoxo
In response to: Taking the plunge
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
evening @CheerBear @Maggie @Former-Member @eth and all passing through 🧡🧡🧡
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear It’s a big day. I’m imagining coffee might even take a bit of going down today.
I’m sending best wishes, vibes, thoughts, whatever it takes to get through to the outcome you need.
It might all happen quickly and around you. Let go of some of the reigns if you can. Let others take care of you now.
Here and listening if/ when you need. A pocket full of hope is going with you, so alway make sure you have a good sized pocket. 💜💜💙💙🖤🖤🖤☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@Former-Member You are heading away for a week with family today. No doubt there is a million things to do.
I hope in this time there is time for you....somewhere. Your diamond painting gifts, I’m sure, will be a delight to all recipients.
Take care where you can. 💜💜💜☕️☕️☕️
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@outlander How did your busy day go yesterday. No doubt you are exhausted.💙💙💙
@eth What can I say...... you are a treasure. I hope today is good to you.💛💛💛
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Morning @Maggie. I love that one - perfect ❤ Thank you for your thoughts. The person from catt and I had a conversation about letting go of the reins a bit last night. You so get it, thank you.
How are you going this morning?
@eth thanks so much for your understanding and kindness. I couldn't find the words to reply properly but please they spoke to me and I appreciate them/you. ❤ to you.
Thinking of you @Former-Member with all you have on . You too @outlander ❤❤
How are you going this morning?
@eth thanks so much for your understanding and kindness. I couldn't find the words to reply properly but please they spoke to me and I appreciate them/you. ❤ to you.
Thinking of you @Former-Member with all you have on . You too @outlander ❤❤
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Sounds like things are moving in the right direction @CheerBear. Catt sounds like they are understanding the situation and hearing YOU.
I’m thinking my tiredness is more than my soul. I think iron levels might be down. I’m vegetarian, and iron levels are a thing with me. Will check it out sometime.
Are you managing a coffee this morning @CheerBear , or is that a bit too much.
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Catt are being so good @Maggie. They're listening and trying to make this not scary and helpful. Today might be a bit different. These assessments are a bit nuts. Small room, treated like we're a danger, a few people in front of the door, lots of questions... it's been very ugly for me before. They told me they'd try and put me on a social worker's case list who I've worked well with before though, rather than the catt roster list which usually means whoever gets to it calls (inconsistent, lots of repeating, not a lot of understanding etc). This assessment is one the yuck parts but it will pass.
I didn't know you were vego, though now I think about it I'm not surprised. A few here including me, are too. That tiredness could be iron also as you said. There's a point I think we realise there could be phsyical playing in to the emotional and mental also. I understand what that point feels like and it's full on. I'm sorry you're there 🙁💜
Coffee is going down OK. I'm weird feeling. Hyperaroused is my usual and this is total opposite at the moment. Tired and flat.
How's today looking for you?
I didn't know you were vego, though now I think about it I'm not surprised. A few here including me, are too. That tiredness could be iron also as you said. There's a point I think we realise there could be phsyical playing in to the emotional and mental also. I understand what that point feels like and it's full on. I'm sorry you're there 🙁💜
Coffee is going down OK. I'm weird feeling. Hyperaroused is my usual and this is total opposite at the moment. Tired and flat.
How's today looking for you?
