Taking the plunge

hello bella @Former-Member

are you aware of what bella means? certainly suits you....I can read that between the lines

the dress sounds stunning...red is my favourite colour ...you are going to feel so proud when you see your beautiful daughter all dressed up ready to go....

well done for saving the day ....I think knowing someone driving the car is even more special...

now you have a dinner invitation.....possible chance to have your friend in your life again....

you don't have to tell her everything....only as much as you want to...feeling a bit low and taking time out is part of life....just enjoy the time...

hello marvellous @Maggie would love to read some more of your poetry when you are up to it..any more flowers appearing?..opening up to a brand new day?..

I hope that you are feeling some improvement no matter how small...each day...when do you next see your therapist or gp?

@Faith-and-Hope has something made you smile today?

@Former-Memberno need to respond...just keep on resting...

appointment with psychologist went well...I did regurgitate as much as I could within the time slot ....which brought on chest pain in heart area....after blabbing on about how I was not letting it bother me....living in the now..

sometimes I feel as though when I put my strategies in place there is some artful nymph tripping me up..

I was able to look at twin,,mum..christmas situation from a different perspective...

I discovered more things about myself...

mostly I realised that it was a relief to be able talk about all of this stuff ...can''t find a word that fits...

to talk in a non-analytical way....more a philosophical and realistic way...had more breathing time as I found again that I kept on holding my breath...

when I left ...she made a point of saying...lovely to see you again...i replied with some gibberish ...oh yes you too...then when I was outside I felt terrible...I had babbled on non-stop....had I even said hello?

I do remember smiling...

the pain where my heart is.. felt like a stabbing pain again...intensified....I sat in car for a short time and then could not remember what to do with airconditioning....could not find the radio station I usually listen to...eventually the pain settled...I drove off...in my beautiful Stella..I have named her...

I completely forgot about going for a walk...I didn't feel comfortable enough to go to the shops either...

I am now listening to music which I love....sometimes just dancing around...under the dark glare from one of my cats laugh...

now I feel weird...I think I will make a huge effort not to analyse anything...

stay safe....

@Faith-and-Hope

no question there....beyond any doubt....

@Faith-and-Hope

ah hugs....yes.....pleased to hear that you are all cuddly...

I am with both of my sons....the older one whom I have not been able to hug for a while...struggles with hugs when he is stressed or unwell...

sheer joy ...the words do not justify the sense of feeling felt....

I think that your cuddly..loving children...adults... are helping hold you all up.. alongside of you...

Yes, they are .... ❣️

They love both of us and each other .... I think that has never been in question ..... it became about whether we could live with the changed circumstances or not. We have managed an unsteady status quo ..... but it is still not something that is sustainable. We are still just propping each other up.

@Former-Member

Just looked up the meaning of bella, yes @Former-Member a perfect match. You are having a difficult day, they seem to take an eternity to live through, much longer than the normal ( whatever that is ) day. The red sparkly fitting Marilyn Monroe dress sounds beautiful, you are both in for a treat when the night finally arrives, mixed with nerves and excitement. Visitor arrived here today and we went for a drive. Unexpected as she knows nothing of how I'm feeling. Stopped at a beautiful walk and I sat listening to the birds. The sea was close but no beach to walk on, lots of small pebbles. A small break, but beautiful. I hope you managed some rest. Warm thoughts.🙃🙃

@Former-Member Your app. Sounded good/difficult.... Getting stuff out, being heard and understood is getting rid of a bit of a load, you had after effects sounding not so good, hope you are okish and more relaxed now. There's so much going on for so many at this time of year ( Christmas ). I've always not liked the season, not the message, the lonely reality is brings home to me personally. Family gatherings can be so stressful and a lot of families go out of obligation, difficult to put it mildly.

Those things I write are songs. My counsellor and I are trying to get them recorded, cheaply, and she would like to give them to weary travelers for a bit of company on the long painful journey. A work in progress. So you people reading here are my thermometer as to whether they are good enough or not. So Thankyou for appreciating ( if I have that right ) them.

A few more blooms in my garden, once more developed, I'll take a pic and post them. I'm in bed, had a nice day as mentioned to @Former-Member, Thame care of yourself tonight after a hard day. Warm thoughts.

@Former-Member I'm wondering if your brother has arrived???? Meaning a busy weekend, maybe longer. Thinking of you warm thoughts.🙃🙃🙃