Taking the plunge

@Zoe7@CheerBear@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member

@Teej@Bunniekins@Phoenix Rising.and anyone else that might be reading in the background.

Yesterday I had a very difficult meeting with my counsellor. I've been avoiding some huge issues for some time now, but avoidance doesn't always mean they go away. I've only lived in the " feels " arena for a few years now, before that I functioned on "numb". But the "feels " though an improvement are exhausting and unpredictable. I'm now dealing with anger, an unfamiliar feeling, and uncomfortable. I or I should say We, are facing some memories, bringing yet more personalities. I know you are struggling to grasp the complexities of all this, me to, so I understand if you can't reply, just the fact that you read is enough.

As my counsellor put it, we have a history that proves we can do this, so we can move into the future with history on our side. Like everyone else on the forum knows so well, it's painful beyond words, sometimes it's small steps, sometimes a darkness filled with fears, tears and immobility.

Here and listening @Maggie ..... ❤️

Assuming you have found the others here who have multiple personalities and are trevaising similar territory to you ? Happy to tag them for you .....

I agree with @CheerBear .... this is such a hard road, but we walk these roads to improve our situation, despite the stones (and boulders) in our path.

My S2 is having to surface from numbing to feeling ..... and I have a still numbed-out mr. f&h trying to counsel him on it .... :face_with_rolling_eyes: .... but in a trickle we are getting somewhere ..... the reasons and magnifications are different, but a lot of the processes are the same.

Many years ago now I had to face that anger wall. I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t know that it grows a poisonous ivy called bitterness all over it until I had to face it and break it down. Once I had done that I was able to recognise the beginnings of building anger walls, and what the sprouting poison ivy looks like, to be able to take it out by the r%ts before it has a chance to become a bl%dy big beanstalk .....

Holding you close in prayer and heart .... both of you .....

The hardest roads to walk are those that we cannot see @Maggie

The unpredictability of our feelings make this journey that much harder. Once we sdtart confronting whst we are actually feeling, and where it comes from, we are facd with even more unpredictability - and often more pain than we can deal with. But as your counsellor has said - you have gotten through all this before - however you have coped - and you can get through it again - the strength that it has taken for you to live a life within those memories will also be the strength that gets you through them - holding you close Maggie and walking with you

Good morning dear @Maggie. With a wave to others @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Bunniekins @Former-Member.

So sorry to hear yesterday was such a difficult day Maggie. Yep its so easy to just keep trying to avoid the issues which hurt or haunt us. But unfortunately they just dont go away.

I have every confidence that you can make this next step with your counsellor. You have proven in the past that you can, and you will again. I have no doubt that there will be darkness, fears, tears and immobility. But you've had that before and have developed methods of coming through that. I think you're now ready to confront this next step in your recovery journey. Your counsellor obviously does too.

Be strong Maggie, as I know you can be. You and all your many personalities. Take all of them on this roller coaster ride called recovery and betterment. Every painfully small step counts.

And please know I am here for you if you ever want to talk or just to know someone is listening and willing you on. Remember 'The River', that lovely song you wrote recently. I read it elsewhere but am yet to find it on this site. I will keep looking here, as it disappeared from the other.

Much love and encouragement.

Sherry

@Former-Member@Maggie@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@CheerBear Hi to everyone ...wishing I could come up with words that are more eloquant than these but these will have to do ... you all mean the world to me my friends and aquaintances on the forum and I hate to see any one of you in pain. I am wishing each of you a kind and peaceful afternoon and evening. Love always the pea xxx

That says everything @Bunniekins ..... words don’t have to be eloquent to reach the heart .... ❤️

You mean so much to me too @Bunniekins - you are a treasure Hon

@Zoe7 'a treasure' thanks Zoe7 *big smiles*

@Bunniekins