Taking the plunge

I get physical and emotional reactions around the time of year that my mother passed @Former-Member .... even if I have sort of forgotten ..... start wondering what’s wrong with me, and then I realise the anniversary.

Happens to “everybody” Hon ..... so try to go with it a little bit .... let yourself feel a bit down here and there (true to your feelings) .... then look for some joy in something ..... make a little joy in something else .....

I bought one of these the other day, to leave here .... I need my little touches of home .....

Its “melting” on my coffee table now, making me smile .....

My dear @Maggie. Thanks so much for the hug. Coming from you, it means so much to me. I have no other words, I'm sorry. Today has not been a good day for me, and words are hard. Today is a day I would normally retreat, hide, whatever. I'm doing my best not to, and am trying hard to recover, to not let the hurt bite too deep. I send you a grateful hug in return, but will understand if you choose not to receive it. Just know that it is heartfelt.

@Former-Member, you are so right, and I agree totally with you about @Maggie. Please pardon my rudeness in talking about you Maggie. But Bella3 is right, you always come across as such a caring, sensible and non-odd person. I realise that having a hearing disability may hinder your efforts in being more sociable than you are in real life. Dont you have dual coloured hearing aids? My hubby is quite deaf, but refuses to acknowledge that he cant hear. Its very frustrating for me, but extremely isolating for him. But certainly you come across here as highly intelligent and extremely caring, I also realise that in real life and in a social setting it would be so much harder to portray the true and beautiful person that we all know you to be. However, what better situation to test yourself than this opportunity that your cousellor offers. Bella3, I too am very shy. I communicate pretty well in the written form, but in reality I am a fumbling, shy and non-communicative being. Very much an introvert. If or when asked to speak or offer an opinion, I will go bright red with embarrassment and basically clam up and say nothing. This has been the case since school when I would just go silent and die of embarrassment if ever asked a question in class. I would know the answers to questions but could not physically utter an answer. Although I am nowhere near as bad now, the feelings of inadequacy and fear of ridicule remains.

Over the years, and possibly compounded by my subsequent trauma, those feelings of exposure, fear and inadequacy have remained and grown. It does lead to feeling useless at times. But deep down, I know that isnt really true. Yes I agree, there are times I feel that its pointless to keep on trying, and that to just disappear from this earth would be a major relief. For me certainly. But for others it wouldnt be. I do know I am needed and appreciated by others, even if that is not actually relayed to me directly.

I dont really know where I want to go with this @Former-Member, and I apologise for rambling. I guess I'd like you to know that I believe I understand what you are saying. I only wish I could say something sensible that would make things easier for you. I can't though, quite frankly, I dont feel capable of expressing any degree of sense right now. Perhaps tomorrow. Please know I care though.

Sherry xx

I understand that part @Former-Member ..... and I am sorry it was all so traumatic for you .....

💐💜💕

@Former-Member You don't write rubbish, you write what's going on in your life. All my life has been :pile_of_poo::pile_of_poo:also. If I get a few hrs here and there, I'm lucky. It's the aftermath of trauma and it's hard yakka. You are a good mum you love D and I believe what the others have written, in time her brain will settle, it's getting through the battles and arguments. This time of year is just plain horrible for so many reasons, hiding away is good, you need time out also. I've been venting the last few days,pressure builds. Don't feel bad about saying things that's why we are here, to support each other. Thinking of you.💟🌷🌷🌷🌺

@Former-Member Yes I do have duel coloured hearing aids. One candy pink, the other galactic blue. That along with the other things you mentioned regarding yourself are also my reality. You come across as a very intelligent caring and sensitive person here. I get the real life struggles though.

I'm sorry today is such a struggle, I know how that feels. Thankyou for the hug, so much appreciated. I'm known as the ice queen in real life. Lol. Few ever approach but once the freeze is experienced, never retry. I'm greatful for that.

You are sounding very sensible @Former-Member I think your confidence is low At the moment. You are appreciated here also. Try to find a small time out for self care if you can, a hug with Holly. I'll check out the stars tonight and think of you as I do. We might be looking at the same stars.!!!!!! I hope you manage some sleep.