Taking the plunge

Hi @Former-Member and thanks for your update. Sorry you are still feeling so unwell. Your organising of this weekend's event sounds like it is going great though. Hopefully the next couple of days are a little less stressful for you and that you will be able to enjoy the big event when the time comes.

This thread has been really quiet over the past couple of days, I looked in yesterday and there wasnt anybody about. @Former-Member @Maggie @utopia @Faith-and-Hope and any of the other regulars here - I hope you are all okay?

Enigma, I love what you and your hubby are doing re the volunteering. Sounds very rewarding. I love doing volunteer work. I had worked part time (paid work) up until March this year, but had to give it up when the duties increased to a level that I could no longer cope with (mentally or physically). And I really miss working. But I did increase the amount of time I put into my volunteering, so it has helped somewhat. And I must say that its far more rewarding than my paid work ever was. Although I still miss paid work, perhaps mainly because my volunteering doesnt really need me to use the old brain matter too much.

Anyway the reason I havent posted much over the past couple of days is because I really havent been in a very good place. My thoughts are all over the place, and they scare me a little sometimes. I'm afraid of the places my intrusive thoughts lead me lately. I dont like being like this, a feeling that I have no control over my thoughts, my feelings, and perhaps even my actions. My need to escape is stronger right now than it has been in some time. I know I need to be careful and to be more self aware. Please dont worry, I'll be okay. I have to be, there are too many people relying on me right now. But its hard. Really hard.

I hope my somewhat negative post does not spoil everyone else's day. I just needed to get it off my chest I think. To allow myself the novelty of actually expressing how I feel right now, rather than bottling it all up, as I often do. Its great to have you all to talk to, as I feel you understand how it is. So thankyou for listening.

Sherry

Hi @Former-Member

Dont feel silly - it's always great to hear from your lovely self. How are you feeling today? My daughter is with my husband now arranging an MRI for her knee - so I will know more probably next week. She isn't in as much pain thankfully. I hope your day goes well for you - what are you up to?

Those dark places are hard @Former-Member - if it gets worse please don't hesitate to call your psychiatrist. It's not surprising as what you are going through is difficult - when I go through this my thoughts can lead to the "what ifs" of the future and then life can become overwhelming in the now. Afraid of life. The lonliness I feel in it can be all consuming at times because I have no extended family, and it's horrible - so I try and keep busy to distract. Is that how you are feeling? It can be hard but bringing my thoughts back to the present only and living in the moment is the only way I can get through those dark days. Also focusing on the fact I am here for a reason helps me to keep going.

How is hubby today @Former-Member? We are here for you my friend. You are not alone - it can feel that way but you are not. Did you try the cancer support group? Somehow we will get through this together.

I like you have found volunteering more rewarding. But also like you I like to be mentally stimulated as well. I will be looking for more volunteer work along those lines if I can find it, once my health improves and after we move. Maybe when the time is right in the future, you too can find more fulfilling volunteer work - it's also sometimes a good way to make friends - which isn't always easy to find in this busy world.

Emotional pain and fear of the future can feel overwhelming - the latter making us feel we have no control over the actions/thoughts this produces. When I get like this for too long I throw my hands in the air and resign to what is for now. What will be will be. I say worry won't help and faith tells me it will all work out somehow. I can still feel sad as life can hurt - I then push to do something to take my mind off it once I have expressed it verbally somehow. This helps the fear to no longer have so much control - I take it back a little.

All we need to think about now and get through is today @Former-Member - tomorrow will take care of itself. Is there anything that will help distract your mind and relax today? A walk, some art work or a good book? Or watching a good show you enjoy on TV? Talking about it more may help too if you are up to it. We are all ears 😊

The future will be better for us @Former-Member. One day at a time for now. Sending you a big, warm hug 🤗 xx

@Maggie - I hope everything is well in your world. Thinking of you ❤️xx

Sending a warm hello to @utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Bunniekins and all

I am off to clean out my wardrobe, make some Indian samosas and to cross stitch 😊